I'm not sure of the title here. I though the book was extremely well written. You're a terrific writer. I didn't read the last few chapters but got the drift of the book.
Read the story now
That said, the subject matter didn't interest me. It was sad. Perhaps you could have started with the guy coming into the store and being interested. Perhaps you could say some funny romantic lines and have more of a dialogue, such as.
I thought, "What a hunk. I could be interested in him.:" Sentences like that,
Or, "Just looking at him excited me. I was love at first sight."
I agree with the other review. The first lines are very important, Get the reader interested. Then later on you can have a flashback on what happened in your home life, but people don't want to know the details of unpleasant events.
I'm trying to be helpfu.l. Your grammer, technique and writing style are amazing. Just make the story more interesting. Good luck on this and maybe you can edit it.
Sylvia Galactic: The Superhuman Robot