Tim Times One

Great fantasy tale

I have only read three chapters so far, but I must say that this story is so far excellent! You have a wonderful writing style, and it really transfers me to the scenes that I'm reading. The setting is somewhat typical of fantasy stories, but your writing is captivating and thus the story feels fresh. Kevin is a very likable and relatable character, and it seems you've developed a whole world here, just waiting to be explored. I'm looking forward to see what happens next. Great job, author! Keep up the good work!

Good, but some editing needed

After having read the first five chapters of the story, I think that it has a good plot forming. Toby seems to be a complex character, and I like the presence of the abilities in the characters that we meet. It makes the story cool and exciting. However, there are some grammatical errors, and sometimes formatting makes it a little unclear as to who is speaking. Also, there are instances in which I was confused. For example, in chapter 5, when Toby threw a grenade in the hospital room? Where did that come from? I also don’t understand eating a table. Is that literal or does that signify something else? I’m sorry if I missed something there. All in all, you have a good story brewing. I would just recommend to pay closer attention when editing.

Good start!

After reading the first three chapters (through to the end of part one of chapter 3) you have an intriguing plot developing! The change in POV of characters is cool. You also describe the appearance of your characters very well. I would recommend to double check your work before publishing online to catch any mistakes and grammatical issues, as I found some while reading. You can retroactively edit what’s already been posted too. Otherwise it’s a great start! Keep up the good work!