ursonu

No published stories yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Promising. Great Chapter one

This is a great start to a novel but doesn't work so well as a complete story (I have no idea if it is complete because the author doesn't say)

This is a great phrase: Sweet smoke
I love the setting, the characters and its very funny, witty and visually stimulating, The wrapping up at the end takes too long and doesn't quite hold together:
Why couldn't Sybylia escape before if she is suggesting she can now even with Candy still there?
Why did Candy kill Finch when she was programmed by his colleagues to only keep Sybylia in?
Why wouldn't any corrupt person on Wadi with gold supply it to her for a high price?
These questions suggest the story needs to be a full length novel but as I say great promise.

The descriptions of locations are a bit unwieldy and the author is far to fond of 'end caps', whatever they are. Also, wooden strips in windows are called mullions.

I found the following typos although generally its pretty well proof-read:

whimper should be whimpers

‘my’ ears
Wad lacking 'i'

Fire ‘ragging’ within

Bare my sole I think you mean soul

Lined the helves

Read the story now

No badges received yet

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.