wadectaylor

Not following anyone yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Infernum

First off I'd suggest eliminating the prologue and getting straight to the characters and their actions. There is no information relayed in the prologue that couldn't be better, and less intrusively referenced within the meat of the story through dialogue and brief narrative bursts of background as they relate to current developments.

Some creative disbursement of exposition would also enhance the mystery of the world the author is describing by revealing its workings.more gradually. Giving all the information about the world before the reader has had a chance to get engaged with the motivations and conflicts of the main characters makes it more likely important exposition is forgotten further on.

The author appears to have a distinct vision of the world he wants to convey and is not lacking for imaginative ideas.

On the technical side I noticed the author consistently placing periods at the end of quoted statements and then continuing that sentence outside of the quotation marks (sometimes the first word capitalized).

Examples: "What are those things?" The man asked Drust.

"We know them as Daemons; they are a plague on this galaxy." He answered.

"That's all of them... That is all that is left." It said.

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