Chrispy Conley

Waiting for more!

A good premise, good set-up, and interesting world. While the basic plot tends to be overdone(by myself included), the writing is sufficient enough to put a new spin on things and write a refreshing narrative. Sometimes there is a repetition of verbiage that can get monotonous, but it rarely happens and hardly creates an issue. The author switches tenses a few times, which is bound to happen when writing in first-person, which I believe is a much more challenging perspective to write from when compared to third-person. Occasionally the author ends sentences with a question mark when it is not warranted. But this story is well-written, fun, and exciting. I can't wait for more!

Great Potential

The plot is very interesting and I can tell that there is something more building up. The story could do with a bit more detail and a bit less telling and more showing. At times, the dialogue is a bit choppy. But I really do enjoy where the story is going and the thought that clearly went into the organization. I also feel that for something like this, the tone from the narrator doesn't match the point of view. At times, descriptions are given with exclamation points and are opinionated, which suggests that the POV is third-person-limited to Penelope and other characters(when needed). But occasionally it will say something like "She felt this way", which is rather formal when the tone of the POV is informal and more personal. There are also some grammatical errors. Overall, a few slights don't detract too heavily from the narrative, but the story could certainly be improved upon. Again, I see the potential for great writing and an interesting story.