S.R. Rimjhim

Hi Lovely readers, meet me- Rims, 16. I am here to get comments on my stories as well as to read your work and learn from it.

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Good start!

Since it's your first time writing, I would say it's a good start. The plot seemed quite interesting, but need to get polished. I love this type of stories so it was a good read for me. To improve, you need to read other's story and learn how they write and progress a plot. Some of the mistakes could be fixed with a quick proofread. But, I will say, you did a great job as a novice writer. Good luck with your writing journey, it's just the start, so don't worry. Keep writing, dear:)

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Spooky yet addictive

This entire story flowed like a stream of consciousness, smooth. The structure sounded like a short horror movie with all those little sounds like those clap, clap, clap-clenched my heart. I am serious, you have an unique way to structure your story- different than any other writers, and once someone starts reading, it binds you till the end. You are doing a great job, my friend. Your writing is much more developed than us, I hope you get the spotlight soon. Happy writing! Just wow! You just got yourself a fan, hope to read more from you. Keep writing, pleaseee....

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Editing needed

Starting from what I liked in this story - 1) The sarcastic and humorous tone of the narrator, this keeps the readers entertained, motivating them to keep reading. 2) The smooth flow of dialogs, even though there were not many of them, but still those few were brilliant. You have the ability to imagine a conversation in your head perfectly, no more or no less than needed. 3) The thoughts and feelings of the protagonist - you are a pro at this, you write them like you were actually present in that situation, You can create a picture in our head without us noticing. I applaud the author for achieving this.

What you can improve- 1) Edit extra thoughts, what I mean is - when we write, a thousand of thoughts passes through our head and we just throw them onto the paper. But, when we edit, we do it mercilessly. Any extra info or lines, that have nothing to do with the plot, should be cropped. Or else, the writing turns boring. 2) The plot seemed distorted, like there are questions still unanswered, so more chapters are required to answer them.

Overall, I loved this, your writing style never seems to disappoint me. No one can write like this - dark yet humorous. So keep writing, my dear! Hope to read more from you

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Damn!!

I love this, wow!! I have been reading it for hours now, but not even for a moment I felt bored. Only you can do this, the way you write - scary, intriguing, captivating! Your writing style is quite unique, and what I loved in your stories is how developed the characters are. The dark tone of the character is what makes this story awesome. WOW!! Great work!! It was such a great read!
Keep writing, Author. No one can do what you can do, so never stop. Hope to read more from you.

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WOW!

I must admit, the plot is quite mysterious. I loved your structure of writing - unique, effective and original. Through those letters, you have described how Annie's life is changing, how people entering and leaving her life, how she is slowly maturing - a beautifully portrayed story of Annie's life. Great work, Author, keep writing, I am quite excited to know where the story is heading to:)

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Good work!

Let's start with what I loved in this story -1) the connection between Ryan and Sarah was so heart warming and pure that I couldn't help but say- AWWW!!how cute. 2) The way you use diction and portray their emotions, woW! The descriptions were so perfect, that readers can vividly imagine the scenes. 3) The DIALOGUES seemed real and believable, and this is a great achievement for any authors. Great work!

What you can improve- Use Grammarly to edit and minimize grammar issues, although there were only a small amount of mistakes, but you might want to bring perfection in your stories. 2) It is good to change POVs, but it is not a wise idea to do it so frequently that readers get confused. I hope you understand what I mean.

Overall, I loved the plot of your story. Keep writing, read other's story to help you improve more. Good work! Have a happy writing.

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WOW!

This book had it all - good descriptions, perfect characters, enriched diction... I loved how you gradually progressed the plot, unfolded each character so beautifully that the characters seemed real. Great work! Keep writing, keep shining!

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Unprecedented

I am not such a huge fan of fantasy, but this story has its own exception. The plot is something I have never read before, but, not even for a bit, I didn't feel lost, the way you described each scene - I could visualize them, feel their emotions, understand the characters.
There were some grammatical issues, but since, other readers already mentioned them, I don't want to mention it again. I loved how the plot gradually progressed in a smooth flow- and that was a great aspect of this story. Overall, a great story. Good work! Keep writing, author. Keep shining.

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Familiar

I know these feelings- I have felt them. We all love darkness and I loved how beautifully you used your words to describe them...It was something refreshing to me and somehow the story hit differently when you are familiar with the emotions hiding behind the words. Good work,,,Keep writing, keep shining:)

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Amazing start

Starting from what I liked about your story- you maintained a sense of comfort throughout the whole story- "natural colour" "hug" ...This actually makes the story quite calming but the twist is you are writing something quite dark. That shows a contrast which is a good aspect of your story. Obviously the story seemed to be rushed and you didn't show emotions properly.. Other than saying- he said or she said- you can just directly show their expression or their actions.
But as you said it's your first time writing, I must say this is a brilliant start. Keep writing and all these flaws will be gone soon.

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Powerful

As always, you left me speechless. I didn't know such a short story could be so touching and mindblowing. These two paragraphs touched my soul like no other story. It hits hard when you know the real story behind this.
Stunning work!

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Flawless gem

The dark tone of the narrator is amazing! You are a pro in using the perfect diction, wow! Not every author can achieve this amazing skill. Let's be honest, I envy your writing style, it’s so wonderful that I can't even say I was hooked. I have to say- I was intoxicated by your writing. Great work, Author! Thanks for letting me know about this hidden gem. I loved it!

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Great work!

A great story with an amazing writing style. It got me hooked from the very first chapter, the way you plotted the scenes - it's beautiful, just a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. A great read for me, and I would love to read more from you. Happy writing, my dear! You’re doing an excellent job!😊

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Wow!

Omg! This is so wonderful, the way the words are used- so beautiful and catchy. Through simple words, you evoked so many feelings in us. A lovely piece, I loved it❣️

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Deserves the attention!

This book got me hooked from the very first chapter, love, passion, emotion, thrill - it had it all. I loved the way you described Jake's relation with his wife, it was evident that he loved her, but the sexual frustration growing in him forced him to sleep with Diane. I felt bad for his wife, she is too sweet to be a part of this mess. She absolutely loved her husband, but couldn't help but feel broken just because she could not satisfy him and give him the pleasure. Aww!! I am not crying.
About your writing - I absolutely loved the humorous tone of the narrator, you have a unique and special way of writing, which definitely made this story awesome and catchy. I can see this as a movie already, perfect and wonderful. I hope to read more from you, Author. You are amazing!

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Sensual

Damn!! I love this already, you have a special way of writing which definitely hooks readers from the very first chapter. I didn't notice any grammatical issue, so this book is perfect for me, flawless. I loved the way the dialogs flowed - seemed real and believable. Great work! Keep writing, Author. Keep shining:)

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Wow!!

Damn, I loved this. Gives off a Badass queen vibe. The first fighting scene was perfect, immediate actions and actions is what made it awesome. The dramas made the whole story more interesting. Overall, It was a great read, Hope to read more from you. Keep writing, Author. Keep shining:)

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Papers of Penance

Your writing style is amazing - unique and catchy. The lines flowed so smoothly just like the character's stream of consciousness and the plot is quite intriguing and mysterious with a dash of humor in it like a cherry on the cake. These features keep readers entertained, luring them to read more. Your characters were well developed and had their own, different tone, and as I said before, not many authors have this skill. I applaud you for achieving this. Great work!!
What I would suggest you to beautify this story more - reread the chapters you have written. There were very few grammar mistakes, but you can easily fix them with a quick proofread.
Overall, I loved it and want to read more. Keep writing, Author :)

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unprecedented

Such a unique plot, I wonder how you got the idea, this is great! You described everything so beautifully that I could visualize each scene vividly. I got hooked from the very first chapter, surfing through each chapter rather than skimming. However, there are some minor grammar mistakes - use Grammarly to avoid these minor issues. Overall, it was a refreshing read, keep writing:).

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Great start!

The way you structure your story is addictive - readers get deeply immersed in it. Your descriptions were quick and snappy, this makes the writing more beautiful. The characters were well developed, and their dialogs seemed real and believable, and this is a great achievement for any writer. Great work, Author. Keep writing. Would love to read more chapters of this story:)

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Good start!

Definitely, some mystery going on in there, I personally believe you should drop some more hints- readers love getting clues. Otherwise, the mystery turns a bit boring, you know what I mean.
Your diction was well developed, the way you describe emotions, and portray them so beautifully- wow! The relation between Greenery and her Father was heart-warming - AWW! I love them so much. Their converstaion felt real and believable.
Overall, it was a good start ,the only thing you need to do - unfold her past with each chapter. Good work! Keep writing, keep shining:)

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So cute!!

Such a cute kid Kyle is, I loved his character. He immensely loved his mama and could feel his mama" emotions, aww baby!

I loved your descriptions of each scene and how beautifully you portrayed their thoughts and feelings- I, as a reader, felt connected to them, could understand their perspectives and trust me, this is a great achievement for any Author.
You accomplished it, well done!

However, there are some minor mistakes that can easily be avoided with Grammarly, like it's not farther but "further" . There was a phrase like "..should have gotten", that would sound better if it was "...should have got..."

Overall, great work! Everything seemed perfect to me and the plot seemed strong and unprecedented. Wow! Keep writing Author, keep shining:)

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Great mystery

A story with so much potential! This plot is so alluring and it draws the reader in so quickly, and I applaud the author for achieving this. The perfect description of actions and emotions in the paragraphs hooks me to the next, then to the other - I felt myself completely immersed in the story.
However, try to make the paragraphs shorter, It's much easier to read shorter paragraphs than long descriptive ones. You have a great style of writing, but try to work on sentence structure, the lines confused me a few times.
Overall, great story with a unique plot. Keep writing Author, and keep shining!

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Seductive

WOW!! To be honest, I loved how beautifully you described your character, portrayed his thoughts, his actions, his expressions- it was just perfect. It felt like I surfed through each line, they were so smooth that I didn't have to stress myself even for a bit. I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation mistakes, so for me this book is flawless. Keep writing Author, I would love to read more stories from you.

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Intriguing

Wow!! The new chapter is quite captivating, the sudden twist grabbed on my attention. It's quite amazing to see how much you have improved, and your diction is great, The way you developed your characters, describing each scene - readers could easily visualize them, and this a great aspect of this story that readers don't just have to scroll through each word, they can imagine them as well. . Great work, Author. Keep writing, keep shining:)

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Adorable

Why? Just why it ended? I wanted to read more. I was so into the story, didn't notice 3 hours have passed. Wow! I loved every single bit of this book, the characters Merissa and Joel, I ship them so bad. The great aspect of this book was the smooth flow of dialogues- It felt real. Honestly, I am spellbound. The perfect description, Author's effective use of diction, cute little Leo, a beautiful chemistry, a loving bond of a family-- Damn!! You just got yourself a fan, Author. KEEP writing, keep shining:)

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Intriguing

I have been reading this book for hours now, but there was not a single moment when I felt bored or unmotivated to continue. The characters, scenes and the perfect descriptions drew my attention to the story.
However, there are some minor grammar mistakes, you can fix them with a quick proofread. But, nothing too much.
I loved how the story escalated so fast, yet the character development was so perfect, they had their own different tone and their own perspective. And I applaud the Author for achieving this.
It was a great read, and I loved every bit of it.
Keep writing Author, and keep shining:)

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Sensual

Your vocabulary is on point, I loved the way you use them- like a pro. You described the scenes so beautifully that it got less stressful to scroll through the words. There were not many grammar mistakes as well,- you can easily fix with a quick proofread. Great work Author. I loved these chapters so far. Keep writing, keep shining:)

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WOW

These chapters are amazing, the sharp and to-the- point description helps me visualize each single scene. Each tone had their own voice, I could hear them clearly. The simple dialogues converts the whole story into a movie, they seemed real ad flawless.
I loved how you gradually developed your characters instead of introducing them directly- and trust me this is the skill I have been trying to learn, but couldn't master it yet. AUTHOR, you have this skill and You know how to use them perfectly
I would love to read more, please never stop writing- Because your writing is magical for me, I am learning new vocabs, new phrases, new techniques which I had no idea before. It was a great reading, AUTHOR. I enjoyed every part of it.

Keep writing, keep shining:)

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SENSUAL

This book makes me feel things I have never felt before- loved. The way you describe scenes is so sexual, I can't help but visualize them. This is how I make myself satisfied, so, please, never stop writing...I LOVE YOUR BOOKS

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OMG

This was my first time reading erotica, but I must admit this was the story I wanted. This is the kind of married life I have always dreamed of. This book does not contain sex only, but contains emotions as well, which is new and rare. What really grabbed my attention was- how you started the chapter with "two souls" loving each other and ended it with "two souls". You have the ability to make me visualize each scene, each emotion, each expression- that's one of the great ability you have. Great work!!
I am looking forward to read more.
Great work!! Satisfying work.
Thanks for the gift.

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