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AmaZing !!!!!!!!!

This is one amazing short story !!!!!

I recommend this short story to those who like horror reading

I left most of my comments in the comment section haha but I'll still have my say here .. what review is all about thou 🤜🤛✌️✌️🐾🌟

The plot -- it was well explained, one could make out the surrounding areas and the world building sounds realistic..
I would suggest to bring a little emotion in it, just to add the sense of mystery in it
Althou I don't know if your going to edit this short story but if you perhaps do and decide to lengthen it .. then yay!!!! Not writing this for nothing haha

The characters was well explained
My suggestion is to make the creature a little more frightening by bringing in emotion like I explained in the comments althou there are emotions .. defies but a little more would really bring out the thought of it all

I really love the ideas you used in this short story, it was well thought off and the moral of the story made sense as to why she did and he did what they did.

She controlled him through painting and althou he was fighting this .. it made sense

I just feel that it's a little fast paste .. the part where she draws him being killed was fast paste and there are some missing information

Like why did he need to kill his mother?
Why was she controlling him?
Why did she kill that family?

Well my questioning on the missing information, perhaps bringing in a backside story to why she does this would help sincerely

I said in the comments to show rather than tell .. showing the readers what's happening in the story makes it more mysterious and also frightening.
It's best to show in horror books then tell because the reader want to travel to that realm and realistically feel their emotions and actions but you will learn in time what it means to show .. reading other books and researching does help with showing 🤜🤛

But overall
This is an amaZing short story and I do recommend it to anyone with a strong stomach haha

But good job sweetie !!!

Never stop writing and never give up

Pleeeease take this as friendly advice, although I'm not a perfect writer myself
I just try to help 🌟🐾☀️

sweet story

So I explained pretty much everything in the comments, haha but I'll try and make this as detailed as possible so that you understand what I mean in some parts :)

The story overall is sweet .. it's sweet that you thought of writing something like this .. about dragons and so forth .. dragons do make pretty wonderful stories and although everyone likes writing about them .. each one is unique though :)

The plot of the story needs more explaining .. although one can make out where she is .. it would be nice to have a little more details about her surrounding .. I'm not saying to drown everyone in details but just have a look at that sweetie :)

The characters -- they all have their own identities and that's good .. a good thing .. we, as the readers can see who and what they are .. names are good and their appearances are good :)

The summary is nicely done :) it's sweet and explains what needs explaining .. I want to talk about the-third-person and the-first-person :)
When you use POV .. use the slash Inkitt provides and then announce their POV ..

I also have books that jump between POV's and first and third person .. it's not a bad thing to type like this .. it just means there's more opportunity for the characters to be introduced :)

Your writing style is unique but can also be matured by learning .. lots of learning :) it's not a bad thing to type and post .. really it ain't .. you're still learning and that's a good thing because you have lots of room for experience and so forth :)

As for the Grammarly .. like I said in the comments .. ProWritingAid and Grammarly are your best tools to fight against hidden grammar :) you want to try those to help in situations where you don't understand what to do :) it's not bad to post but like I said .. try to advance yourself :) learn from other's and I know you'll become better with each draft you type sweetie :)

Show-don't tell .. so we all know about those 3 little words .. they might be minor but they mean immense things .. her surrounding and her emotions are hidden in this book .. you could use this book to advance the emotions and the show so much that it shocks one in reading and wanting to know what is happening ..
The part where she wakes up .. rather than explaining .. oh I just woke up and panting .. rather use something like this ..

(Panting in my wake .. I clutch my chest horribly .. I refrain myself from moving for a few seconds .. mornings like this .. I don't want to think about them .. just want to push them away .. the burping in my stomach calls to the meal I have been longing for .. I press my chest softly and light shimmers as I shape into my dragon side -- then you explain how she looks as a dragon)

Perhaps something like this would explain better what she is facing and feeling .. you don't have to use my words .. ofc your own .. but just saying, sweetheart :)

Keep writing sweetie :) and never give up :)
Don't take this as a bad review sweetie .. please understand am just trying to help you :) I'm not a perfect writer myself but I know some secrets to getting better and advancing yourself :)

xoxo Gammateddy

Insanely AMAZING

One thing is for sure, I LOVE this book... it's so good; I want to scream...

Let's start with the plot-I love the plot, it's well explained and one can make out the surrounding, the world around the characters takes place in an ancient time, as I understand it) and it's emotionally well explained...

Characters -you explain and express them well, one can see you thought well upon this, when you created this book in imagination... one knows who, who is and can tell what they are doing and how they look...

As for the paragraphs-I still say separating them, perhaps three to four sentences in one paragraph would make it easier to read.

Your writing style is unique and well... I would say, learning a little more on how to write mature words, would spark this book more to life...

This is one amazing book, and I recommend this to others to read, it's well written and with so much imagination inside of this splendid book... 💕🌹🤗

Improvement can be developed through writing

Although this is the first chapter :) I will leave a review and update it as the book continues :)

I like this story so far :) It is inviting and I love reading ice skating books or watching such stories (like Ice Princess lols)

The plot of the story is good so far, but there could be improvement (Like I said, this is the first chapter, so there isn’t much to talk about :)) my suggestion is to explain more how the world around her looks :) I don’t say explain every single detail, but short paragraphs about the surrounding would give us more insight about what is happening around her :) I know third person writers love explaining the plot in extreme detail: x but a little more :)

I like your writing style :) I didn’t see any Grammarly issues so far :) can I just say to please watch the present and past writing :) it’s so easy to get confused with, which comes where and I understand as a writer myself, I also get confuse :) but it’s good so far :) if you say stood (it means past) stand (means present) nodded (past) nods (present)
See… it’s easy to get confuse :) I am sure with further writing you will improve with such small detail :) Also it will sound better to explain… rather than she nods… she nods slowly or she nods swiftly :)

Like I said :) no Grammarly, spelling spotted :)

Another thing :) I love the characters :) although I wish there is some explanation to how they all looked, I know writing each personality and how each one of them look is hard work, but important sweetie :) character developments and description is highly important in every single book you write :) we as the readers want to know who we are reading about :) eyes, hair color, physical futures… facial futures… these things matter sweetie :)

Writing in emotions can also explain a lot more :) I don’t say explain in severe emotion, that the character practically breaks down, or jumps like a kangaroo with each situation, but please bring emotion inside :) the part where she feels that she is leaving her family to go half around the world :)
(Her little spirit tears thinking of leaving them behind to pursue her dream — she devotes her watering pedals and sneak the droplet patting her skin)
I don’t know if this helps, but perhaps something like this :) emotion makes a story grab the reader :) when I read a book, I want the feel the pain, the happiness, the sorrow of the reader :) I want to be a surprise, I want to laugh and cry along with the character/s :) I want to feel what they feel and updating such small matters, will grand you that special bonus.

I don’t want to sound like a nagging reader, demanding things, which should be obvious, but this is just my personal perspective of what I have read so far :) I know with further writing, comes further developments in writing and each writer learns through reading and writing :)

I am not a perfect writer myself and I too, make mistakes sweetie, :) but we all learn as we go along :) I hope this review helps :) I might not give strict, reviews, but I try to help where I can :)

Happy writing sweetie and continue writing :) I can’t wait to read more :)

I hope this helps sweetie :)

Beautiful "")

What I have red so far is great "") ((although I have only red a few pages, I will continue to read to find out what happens "")))))

I like the way you explain things and the way you use the surroundings as your advantage...

The story speaks itself out of past tense and which is understandable "") (which makes it almost sound like a bed time story ""D which is sweet) "")

Your writing style is sweet and flawless "")
And the characters is really well explained "") I like the tough pretending girl but deep inside she is a emotional train wreck and the best friend which always keeps her chin up and then the boy (thank goodness isn't explained how attractive ---and all about his body---)) sounds really nice "")

I don't see any mistakes so far and I like everything about this book !!

I thought you might need a review since you wrote me such a awesome one so here is yours ""D

This is a awesome book and I love it "") very inviting and very well explained "")

Alright happy writing "")

Future book

First off this is a good book ") "")

The plot of the story is explained really well "") I like the fact that the author uses advantage of the surroundings with her characters "") Very detailed "")

Okay so I am giving this 4 stars because I feel that the fighting scene is way too long!! (Please don't take this the wrong way ""X every author writes differently and explains differently and even if the book is good, the fight scene could be changed into maybe a shorter version "") you can still keep the talking and everything in between in but please work on the fight scene... (example the scene you wrote when she fought against the other man in the ring, that is a good example because it was short and it didn't drag along....if you could change the fight into the one before then you are good to go "") ((((also doing some research on fighting can really help you out ""X a little tip ;))))

There are a few grammar mistakes here and there but if you reedit the book and work on them you will be good to go "") (the reason why I also give it 4 starts...........)

When you write scenes that are too long you tend to drag the story out and although this story is really good and I like it a lot, I would say if you fix the minor issues, you are good to go

This book really have future in it, it is inviting and easy to understand ") "") Please please don't take this as a bad review ""X I am only here to help as a friend and I like your writing and this is really a good book honey "")

Keep writing and happy writing "")

Really Good ")

Okay so this book is really nice ") I like it and you have a good book going on here....")

The plot of the story is good planned and it's easily explained and well thought of ")

I don't have complains about your writing and it's really good ") your English are really good ")

Okay there is a few errors I noticed...full stops and you start your next word straight unto the full stop..."X Oh and there is some errors on your words.... example (where words should be ---look----you said looked---- if you fix those small errors it will be perfect ") (like it already is "D)

but your spacing in the story is easy to read ")

You really have a great book here and I really like it---")
This book really have potential and I will keep on reading...")
Please don't take my review as a bad one because I am only here to help as a friend ")

Keep writing and happy writing "D

(I am not really into the whole ----- grab me and jump on me scene ----- but it's not so bad..."X)
Alright happy writing "D

Luminous

Overall I like the fact that the author uses details about the situation surrounding them and including the beast...each detail brings out the imagination in one and I also would add that the author have a wonderful imagination...

Keep up the good work

Really good

This is really good !!!!!

I do recommend this book 😁😁😁

Good characters .. they are well explained and expressed
Emotions is good and one do feel them especially with your main character and I should add that the Candyman is well explained

The plot makes sense and it's well explained .. every detailed is expressed

I would recommend just to use show instead of tell .. I feel like this book can be crazy scary with show .. I feel like your telling the story and although it's the third person .. still showing rather than telling can capture emotions more 💖💖

But besides all

Amazing book

Never stop writing

👀👀Xoxo Gammateddy 🌺🌺

Shocking!!!!!

a good thought thou

It's sad how he realised he is dead but my question is what killed him?
I probably should read this and just accept that it's really short haha

But it's still good thou .. lots of emotion and thoughts jumping through my head

But still

Never stop writing

Xoxo Gammateddy

Beautiful!!!!!

This is a beautiful chapter !!!!! Well short story !!!!

Well done on this, I felt the emotions and wanted to know more .. I wish there was more thou 🙈🙈🐣

Remember to use a comma as soon as you end a speech
You will learn in time what it means to show instead of tell

I recommend this short story !!!!!

Never stop writing 🤜🤛

Xoxo Gammateddy

Brilliant

This was one heck of a book .. whoa .. I never expected this ending .. honestly, it caught me right in the throat :D

The story overall is amazing .. I loved it .. every inch .. like a good horror movie :)

The plot of the story was amazing .. every detail, every inch was explained, nothing left confusing, nothing out of order .. one could make out what was happening and where it was happening .. I should add that the world-building was amazingly planned .. you honestly know what you were planning when you wrote this book :)

The characters -- they were well built and explained :) the monsters as well .. everything detail about all the characters, in violence, in emotion .. in everything was well built together and added :)

Your writing style -- is unique :) nothing wrong with it :) it was mature enough to read :) and fitted the character's voice :)

There was a few Grammarly mistakes here and there .. but I noticed that other's did help with that .. so I'm just letting you know .. fixing them is easy and it doesn't drive away from the book :)

All in all ..

Never stop writing .. always keep writing and never give up :)

I recommend this book to anyone who loves a good horror book :)

xoxo Gammateddy

Frightening haha

This book is amazing :) and frightening at the same time haha

The story overall .. I would rate brilliant .. everything grilled inside is amazing.

The plot of the story is explained well .. one can make where they are and what the surrounding area looks like .. I liked the part where you explained the house .. it was intense to know they were hiding while the creature was stalking the night, seeking upon prey, where they never knew what happened .. until they find the mysterious diary :)

The character development is well explained .. both human characters were shown instead of explained :) as for the creatures .. good job on them .. I'm not one much for this sort of thing, but I enjoyed the book thoroughly :)

The story structure is well thought of, I know this takes a lot of work, especially something that comes from history, I remember you told me this is part of history .. but you did an excellent job :)

The writing style .. I know you're still young and you're incredibly smart and matured .. but I feel this story can be mainly matured .. instead of explaining how they are handling their emotions .. rather explain in a few words what they are feeling .. the witch saw her legs off and her sensation is strong, pain, regret, lost .. she's experiencing these emotions and it's hard for her to comprehend what is happening around her .. her brother is experiencing .. regret, pain, and neither of them can take back what happened .. so .. he's looking at her, but through her .. the emotions his experiencing can be explained in a few words .. and also what they are doing is well thought off .. but can be explained in fewer words .. sometimes skipping a few words is fine .. but not change the whole plot :)

***he gawks at her .. what that witch did was uncalled for .. how could she have done such a thing? Sawing the legs of his sister? Her emotions boil inside .. his heart breaks with every peep she makes****

I don't know if this helps sweetie :) but something like this perhaps .. don't use my words thou .. just an example of the emotion expressed between them .. they are experiencing pain and loss.. regret is a main factor here sweetie :) and you use emotion .. you do .. just want to let you know what I mean you know :)

Punctuation, Grammer .. I didn't really spot them .. I think I was reading in thought rather than looking for mistakes haha

This story is potential, and a well thought of book :) I recommend this book for anyone who enjoys reading such genre :)

As a friend :) please take this as a kind review :) I know you're still young (as I said) and your learning by the ropes as it is .. but improvement is something every author learns along the road :) it's something that comes naturally with every written draft and with every read ..

Never stop writing Steevi :) you're an excellent author and althou your still a minor .. you write excellent :)

Keep writing and never give up :)

That's it for me .. I hope I covered everything and explained what needed to explain .. :)

xoxo Gammateddy

Different, wonderful book

I liked this story; I rarely read this book, but I liked it.

The plot is interesting for me :) I love how you use the surrounding as your advantage :)

The characters are interesting; they show create promise, and you explained them well.

Just work on the emotions please, there's a lot of opportunity for emotional writing and I feel you can work on them to improve what is happening in this book.

Another thing is, the story should be showed, and not told... if you're telling the story, it once again makes it difficult to understand the emotion in this book, i mean, this is a wonderful book and it has tots potential, but please work on the show-don't tell... :)

All in all, this is a wonderful book, and I'm just trying to help :)

keep writing and never give up :)

Sweet... ☺️

I'm just going to give full starts, until you write again 🙂

Don't stop writing, sweetie... I know it's difficult, and sometimes you hesitate if people will even care, but you're a sweet writer, and it matters that you try, it's your dream...

It's not something you do in boredom, being a writer is something special, it's because your mind is overwhelming with life's...

With different personalities...

With different scenes...

You must never quiet... Please...

They say true writer's at heart quit more than they write (I know we'll what your going through, sweetie... I've been there too and it hurts,) but you shouldn't do this to yourself...

You deserve to rest if you feel overwhelm with thoughts, or hesitation...

Just remember, I'm just here as a friend and to help where I can, it doesn't matter if it's the first time or your 30th book...

If I spot something, I'm going to help...

I struggled for 9 years for people to actually read my books, I found this app in the beginning of the year, and I've reach limits I never thought ❤️🤗

Giving something time leads to something bigger and wonderful ❤️🤗

Never stop writing, your such a sweet person, and such a sweet friend... Don't give in, sweetie... Keep going... You'll get there 🤗❤️

God is always in charge and He won't disappoint, sweetie, He never disappoint 🤗❤️😊

Beautiful, interesting, fantastic 🙂

Ookeh... I've never written a review on a phone before, lols 🙂

Let me just say, this book is beautiful and I found it interesting...

Let's begin with the book overall... -- I found it interesting to begin with...

I found your writing style a little minor, I feel you can work on that, by studying other books, and learning from their writing.

Description in world building is important, describing too much can become boring and explaining too little can become questionable.

Every author will tell about "show, don't tell..." Instead of explaining how the world around her works and how well she can see the world... Think about what is necessary to write and what isn't...

"My stuck eyelids force the darkness before me, maybe I'm just tired... The voices in my head rings familiarity, but why am I hearing them? Maybe I'm losing my mind... Thee thee thaa"

"I force them... Still stuck... I wish they can just open, I wish I can just see who's fiddling in my mind, I force again...

I flicker the bright light away, my fingers tremble before my eyes from the weight of my skin."

Something like this... ☺️🙂

Every author writes unique, but building those maturity words will surely grant you the ability to better those words. 🙂

The characters was interesting... It's interesting enough for me to see her ability, and what she decided to do with it...

Another thing, just work on the emotions, the first person view is the most dramatic write there is, because it's out of her point of view... You see life through her eyes.

You feel life through her heart, you discover everything through her.

Not only is she the main attraction, but so are the world 🙂

If you try to write too fast, you sometimes forget to include minor details, if you go back to those pages, you notice afterward the emotion which should be there.🙂

(It happens to all of us, no author can write emotional the whole time, no one can... Because you don't spend in the same emotional for long...)

Anywho...

I hope this review helps and like I said, I will review in more detail once I reach my computer... 🤗😌☺️

All in all...

This book is amazing and I love it, keep up the good work, sweetie...

And please, don't take this as a bad review, I'm just being honest, the stars I marked low is the area where I feel you need to work on 🙂❤️

Keep writing, and never give up... I'll write a better review once I'm able by my computer... I can't on phone...

Damn good

Let me start by saying... I don't read erotica books... I don't...

But this book was insanely amazing... amazing... AMAZING!

The plot of the story was well planned. One could make out what happened around them and where they were.

The characters were amazing... I loved them, (although I don't read books like this) I still loved the characters, all of them... although I wished personally I could kill the mother. But she turned out all right.

Your writing style is AMAZING! What I loved about this book was the story-line, even if it was supposed to be about one thing... you crafted a beautiful story through it and I adore you for this...
I felt their pain, their happiness, their love... I felt them. Emotions and I salute you for this.

I didn't see any technical errors; I guess I was so into the book, lols...

Never stop writing, please, you are amazing; you are AMAZING!

YOU ARE AMAZING!

Simply Beautiful

I almost cried... I want to cry... this is beautiful, this is beautiful... I feel so sorry for them, although I can't relate. Still, the emotion is there...

You did it again... writing in emotion is so beautiful; I love it; I love how you take one simple word and change it into a beautiful one-page masterpiece. 🦋🤗

Never stop writing, sweetie, you are an amazing author; I hope you will write a book one day? That would be even more amazing... I would love to read it if you do...

The characters are well explained, every detail tugs on my heart, the way Sarah feels about her father, she may be young, but she still has emotion, the way her mother feels when Sarah keeps asking her, it's brilliant, their emotions mashed into this book...

The depression is there, but it doesn't assume the book, it doesn't control the book; you keep the level balanced, their emotions, and the memories...

If I can add the memories part, Inkitt provides tools to use, to split memories from the story...

All in all, I love it... Keep writing sweetie, you are amazing...

Beautiful

Aww, whoa, this is amazing... I can relate to this so much... every sentence of this book... (although my husband worked security shifts at the time) but still... this brings back so many memories of myself...

There were a few mistakes, but nothing serious... :)

I love your writing style, it's unique and sweet and mature... :)

Keep writing, sweetie... 🦋🤗

Jeez, it's true what you say though, about a child binding a relationship with strength, I can say it's true... it bonds a relationship, in love and strength... it's something no one can explain... having a child changes one's lives completely, in a lovable, positive way, something which you will never let go... 😭🤧🦋🤗💕

I LOVE this... 💕🤗🦋😘

Great Story

I like this story; I love universal books, and this is a splendid story...

Let's start with the plot - I like the plot, although there could be an improvement on the plot, by saying, rather show than tell, but I know in time you will understand what I mean...

Character development-you have good, powerful characters, but I'm just wondering about their development... but I'm sure as the book continues there will be lines where they are introduced to us, and developed...

The story is well planned, and I give it a thumbs up, I love books like this, it does toy with one's imagination and I hope this book continues... I pretty much said everything in the comments, so I hope this review is better than the one before...

Writing style-your writing is style is nice, but I suggest using stronger words, I know English is not your first language and I also know you are trying your best, and I respect you for that. but dictionaries do help well sweetie... so does Grammarly and ProWritingAid... 🤗 and here is the upgraded review lols, I feel much better to write a better one... I don't write reviews just to say 'good job, this is nice' nope, because a review is something which helps the author and I hope I see the improvement when I read the book once again.

superb job in this book, it's excellent.

Seriously amazing

This book is amazing...

I felt every sting, every punch, every hurt, everything lols, even my heart raised on some occasions...

Nothing wrong with the Grammarly or Punctuation...

The author's style of writing is flawless and although some parts could be modified to sound more realistic...
like the scene where they punch and shoot them... perhaps showing what happens and not telling us would sound realistic...
and the part where she felt the needles... showing and don't tell

Overall... This book is AWESOME lols

I will continue to read and update the review as the book goes on 😁🌹🤗

Keep writing and happy writing...

Totally Amazing :)

Okay, so first things :) I really love this book :) I have finished up to the last chapter you wrote and I am glad to return this review :)

The plot of the story is written well, I have no complaints about it :) in the beginning; you wrote that it will be long pages and I don't have an issue with reading long books :) I want to add, that adding spaces between the paragraphs would make things a tat easier to read :) I have learned from such experience, many have babbled about spacing... difficulty reading :x

The writing style is amazing :) I love how you swiftly change with each character and how the circumstances also change along with your writing :) many don’t give attention to such small details, details about how second and third characters act, how other unimportant characters act around them :) many just trug them off and concentrate on the first and perhaps second or third character :) you chose a personality for every character :) even the unimportant ones :) and I salute you to that :) each individual in your book is written superb and your writing style is unique and definably one of my favourites :)

Although I spotted a few sneaky spelling mistakes :) they don’t exhaust the book :) just something we all miss :)

Might I add, instead of explaining how well the world looks around Robyn… perhaps try to explain how she sees the world, like you did in the first page, I noticed how the book moves along, you sort of lost sight of explaining from her point of view, into explaining the world’s point of view :) I understand completely you don’t like the first person :) but just to be honest…

What I also noticed is some missing information (which I assumed will be added later on?) What happened to his father? I might have missed it, if you added it in the book. Why are both their parents constantly fighting? Is there something triggering them? Why is his father such a nasty dad? These little information adds why it is happening and what causes them to erupt :)

try to shorten the length of the book :) I agree with skipping a few paragraphs to read only the sayings :x although you warn everyone it is long :) Inkitt says you can write up to 1500 words and if I might add :) write up to those words or even 2000 if you want and perhaps end it with something that happens to her :)

:) I enjoyed this book :) I rarely read teenager books, but this one was worth it :) as a friend, I am still learning as everyone else :) I might not give such aggressive, strict reviews, but I am also trying :) I am still learning the ropes as everyone else, but if my review does not fit your writing :) just ignore it then lols :) I don’t mind :)

If pages become too long, they drag the reader's attention away from what is happening :) at some points; the world spins around her and then, at other parts, the world spins around… well the world :x I guess one can lose sight of what is happening in the book :) I understand that third person writers love to write about almost anything… including the characters, surroundings and whatever happens in between and sometimes, it becomes boring, if only the book revolves around the world and not the characters :) not that you drag your characters down, because they are amazing and well written, but looking at those things will surely boost the book :)
— She walks to school and spot a butterfly fluttering its magnificent pinkish/brown wings… she imagines what it would be like to fly, rather use legs, which seems to drag sometimes — see what I did there? :) and I am sure you are already aware of it, since the amazing review you gave me :)

I am dragging this review out haha :) anyway ——- on to the point :) dragging the surrounding out diminishes the characters and they are just as important as the surrounding itself :) like I said before; I am not a perfect writer and you taught me a few things about writing, which I learned I was doing wrong :) so I hope this review helps pleasantly… :)

So on to the characters :) as an emotional lover, I love it when people use emotions to explain their characters; I love reading how they feel and how they act around these feelings :) Robyn likes Adrian and clearly they have strong feelings towards each other (with the shuttering and all) but I would suggest… explaining their feelings more :) how does he make her heart flutter? How does she make his knees wobble? Since she never experienced love before, it should be something that melts her completely? Another question… why does she hide from Conner? Who is he and where does he fit in her personal life? She dreams about being in love, but with Adrain she obviously experiences some sense of romantic side :)

Perhaps edit those parts more… —- his pedals peers through her soul, as if he is trying to read her thoughts… —- emotions is such a strong word to write about and honestly, emotions makes a book stand out :) as I saw in your video, you used emotions to explain the situation and I loved it, but it has to be the same in the book :)

I love how you use shuttering, because she fears social interaction :)

I honestly have nothing more to say haha :) I am out of words :)

Primary thing is, I love your writing, and this book is something worth reading; I recommend this book to others and I hope you achieve your dreams of publishing this book and making a movie of it :)
Keep writing and please take this as a friendly (friend to friend) review :) I did try my best tho, I hope it helps :)

Great work :)

For me, this was an unfamiliar experience reading :) although I have a vampire series of my own (unpublished) I really liked this book 1 :)

It was enchanting and capturing; the author put in a lot of work in this book :)

I noticed a few Grammarly mistakes, but the author can easily fix them, although one can read with them, it is not a major issue :)

The plot really well explained; I liked this idea in the book and using emotions and the surrounding as an advantage is a well-done thumbs up :)

The characters well explained and one could make out from, time to time, who was who, although at some stages confused at what was happening and yes, I had to go back a few steps to understand what was happening, but no biggy :)

I recommend this book to the future readers out there :) everything inside of this book is alluring and might I add, I also cried, laughed, shared shocking moments and rarely books do this for me :)

Happy writing and keep writing :)

GammaTeddy xoxo

Games of aspiration

First off this is a good book ")
There can be improvement in the character (Rather than making her a first off amazing cat woman -- perhaps explain where she comes from and how she became so good in stealing)
Secondly I think the plot explaining is done well (It's sometimes rather difficult to explain surroundings and explaining sometimes too much can become boring, so your explaining is good ")
I think that writing the book in first person view would rather give off a more realistic play as where everything is explained for her "X to be more realistic in this book ")
I would honestly like to see how this story can improve if it was written in first person and I would also like to see how the character can improve if she learned from the beginning and also to see her improve...like a said in the comments, if you want to make her more realistic, then try adding things like, she has night-vision or she can climb very well or she can shadow herself (meaning she has cat instincts or so forth) And also each chapter is different I get that but changing the story a tat into her would bring your story more alive ") it would give readers a new meaning about who and what she is and why she steals and so forth ") also explaining why she is stealing there in the first place, does she have a meaning to even be in that house or is it just a random heist?? Ask yourself these questions when you type the chapter..................."_ you have a good story here ")
This is not a bad review and I really don't want to discourage you ") I like your book and I also see so much improvement in it and so much potential in it "D
You are a good writer ") and remember this is just my advice towards you ") happy writing "D

2136

Well I think this is very, very good...
I like the idea of overall explaining and what also locked me when I opened this book was that it starts with dates (Few writers like using dates or even destinations)
So overall I like this book and I give you a thumbs up :)