Kayliani Shi

Unique take on a dual-timeline story

I've only read the beginning chapters, but this story is interesting! Our posse of characters is engaging from the beginning, sitting around with each other to play hours of DnD. While at first I was hesitant to accept this style of writing (friends sitting and being normal, then assuming characters in a fantasy universe), once I got into it, the story was well-written, with much voice and lots of humor. Even whilst in their sessions, the friends' personalities show. I thought this was a fun, breezy read. The plot only really moves in their sessions, while their normal lives seem to have a more slice-of-life vibe to them, which gives us a break from the action. Quite a fun read!

Quirky and fun!

I like the playfulness with which characters are described. From their thoughts to their dialogues, their actions and their friendships. Right from the beginning, we are thrown into the action with Kelly suspecting her friend. I love the idea that Kelly is a "side character" in this, kind of watching from the sidelines like we are. I would suggest you be wary of objectively calling her "boring" or "normal," though. I would leave that up to the reader to decide.

Like a Soap Opera

The elements of suspense are there in the opening lines, but there's very little showing (and more telling) in the writing style. Lots of explaining the situation rather than us witnessing it firsthand. We are told about an experiment that occurred, though we never know specifically what happened in that experiment that caused the zombie outbreak. I would've liked to have seen a more emotional tug in the MC's heart. She seems overdramatized and unreal. Why is what she did so terrible? The mystery aspect of this can be performed in a way that isn't confusing to the reader.
The relationship between her and her sister and the terrible things that happen as the story unfolds don't feel emotional at all. In fact, they almost seemed humorous. What with the "No! Audrey!" and the final "I love you," and the lack of internal thoughts while all this happens, it feels very soap opera-like.
I would suggest adding more descriptive language, more internal dialogues, maybe a flashback or two depicting the inner turmoil Anna experiences during the experiment, how she was involved, etc. As it is right now, I feel confused and disconnected after finishing reading. I want to feel more of Anna's strife, be more connected. I want to see the zombie's grotesque-ness. I want to breathe in that musty old room. Hear the crackling of the reporters voice on the news. I want to be there (metaphorically, lol)

Interesting

It’s a little short to contain every detail, the reader is left wondering about some things.

Agni: A suspense-driven page-turner!

Though the grammar is not perfect, the author has a clear gift with tone and words! From the start, Agni places the reader in suspense as an "earthquake" rattles homes and the head of the tribe knows something is coming. The story is wrapped up wonderfully with a positive feeling of continuing adventure and will certainly not leave readers unsatisfied!