holliefur

A twenty-something teacher and an avid lover of mystery thrillers.

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Poignant

This fable unfolds like a diary, intimate and emotive. I loved how the beauty and simplicity of the wilderness mirrored the sweet innocence of the children. I think the story could translate well into a poem too - it has that romantic and dream-like quality. Well done!

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Artistic

Wow! I couldn't disagree more with some of the critics of your other reviews. Unless you have edited your work since their input? I enjoy mythology and personally would feel intimidated to base a story around such a premise, but what you've done is take an ancient fable and brought it into the modern-day. The story is imaginative, full of gorgeous description AND emotion. I wasn't bored one bit. I think you intended the story to unfold with the protagonist. We are confused as to what is going on when the main character is confused. We discover things through her eyes. Some sentences can be a little too embellished and long, but I think that is the style you are going for. Keep doing you!

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Gorgeously written

This story has real promise. As soon as I read the overarching plot I felt intrigued. The premise here is striking, and potentially heart-breaking. There is no doubt the description is expertly written. I like how we see an event from each character's perspective. Reminds me of 'The Affair'. I too like short chapters, I think it helps build tension. I think adding in more internal dialogue to flesh out their inner thoughts and feelings would help bring depth to their connection. Why are they drawn to each other? The flashback illustrates why she doesn't mourn her husband, but what of her children? This is my only critic! Everything else is beautifully done, and the fact you are fitting this around studies is even more impressive. You have a natural flair for prose :)

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Refreshing

This is my first time reviewing poetry on Inkitt. It isn't my area of expertise by any means, but let me start by saying they were a pleasant variant. You obviously write with more directness than other poems (those that are so descriptive, you need a PHD to understand them). I enjoyed how each how a specific theme and intention - mostly that of optimism and positivity (again a nice change to most poems that grovel in self-pity). It could be interesting to play around with the order of your poems, maybe create some that link together and tackle the different stages of life? Like a teenage series. Lots of potential! I need to say, check out your spelling of 'remember' for your first poem. I can't believe nobody has brought this up yet and it feels like such a quick change that will help validate your work pronto. I hope you don't mind me pointing this out! I'm the type of person who lets a stranger know if they are walking around with toilet paper under their shoe, or that their skirt is tucked into their knickers! Anyway, thank you for bringing your work to my attention.

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Full of twists and turns

Well what an adventure ride this turned out to be. I thoroughly enjoyed the twists and turns in this tale of jealousy and lunacy. There are lots of differing characters to keep track of and plenty of red herrings to keep you guessing along the way. The flashbacks eventually help fill in the blanks and I really enjoyed how the story ended. A satisfying read :)

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Enticing read

After recently finishing Game of Thrones (I know I am really late to the party), this story reminds me of such fantasy drama. It has the majesty of a period plot but with a magical edge. You definitely need to keep developing this story! Looking forward to seeing more chapters in the future :)

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So interesting!

I love this! So nice being able to gain further insight on other Inkitt writers :)

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A digital Hunger Games

This story has an engaging plot, it reminds me of season 2 of The OA where teens go missing when playing an addictive, cryptic game. Think a digital version of The Hunger Games. Looking briefly at the the writer’s other story it is clear they have a creative mind! There are definitely moments of magic where the writer beautifully describes a scene or character, but you have to persevere. A fellow Inkitt user pointed out some mistakes in my writing and it has made my story so much better! I hope you don’t think me doing the same is trying to be negative - I really want your story to be as good as possible! The main areas of development of the first 2 chapters, especially chapter 2 where so much goes on and I couldn’t keep up or understand everything. As the author you know your story inside and out but don’t expect your readers to read between the lines. A good tip is can someone summarise what has happened in a single chapter? If they can’t then split it into 2 chapters and flesh them out a bit more. For grammatical/punctuation errors websites like Grammarly are free and would quickly highlight the little mistakes that are holding this story back. You are an imaginative and talented writer (and an extremely nice person), just keep rereading and editing :)

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Captivating

This story is all about the characters and what well-crafted characters they are. Each come with their own personalities and back stories. Some are still emerging and mysterious, but each one brings something unique to the tale. I imagine these misfits will all bring out the best and worst of one another. The character building here is woven so strategically too - just take the flashback in chapter 1 and late arrival Peter for instance. So far, there are characters we feel empathy for, those we are rooting for and those we don’t trust. The varying dynamics make for a compelling read. Set against the backdrop of the visceral and emotive Wild West, the combination is as comforting as a heady tonic in front of an open fire. Although Wild Westerns are a genre that can feel a little predictable, when the people are interesting enough, like this, you enjoy the ride.

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A mini treat!

These short stories are such sweet reads! Each story is diverse and themed around a moment in time. My favourite being the second story about the 'trip'... I don't want to spoil the ending, but I loved how the reveal came at the end. The characters encapsulated pure adolescent fun. It made me think about my teenage days. The writing I enjoy best is either words that take you away or words that take you back. These do both :)

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How has no one reviewed this!

This story is brilliantly written, I can't believe no one has reviewed it yet. The sign of a good author is someone who can pull you in from the very first sentence, and this story did just that. I'm normally not into pop culture romance novels, but the dry humour and sheer personality of the protagonist radiates off the page. No damsel-in-distress here and thank goodness! I love the inner dialogue, that reveals the main character's real feelings, compared to the outward persona she presents on the show. It makes her feel more real.

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Full of personality

The speech in this story is what brings it to life! You get a real sense of the character's age, connection and emotions. I love these types of stories filled with mystery. I was also pleasantly surprised when I discovered the time setting was present day. The plot made this sound like a period drama - could be something you play around with in flashbacks or something? The plot is really interesting, but so much happens in a single chapter. Or perhaps this is a mini story? If not, you could have built tension by spreading out the description of the mansion on approach. There is almost a supernatural or paranormal aspect to the story, which could be really exploited. An excellent first chapter, well done!

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Effortless

I love descriptive writing, and those are the magical moments for me in this story. The writer feels one with the page, making this an easy read to digest. Although the genre isn't my go-to, I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and their individual personalities. Dialogue is something I have to try hard at, and this writer embeds idioms and dialect wonderfully.

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