Sexy and Exciting!
Upon reading the blurb, I'm thinking what a great spin on the vampire/werewolf genre! I adore the cover art and find the concept really intriguing. The blurb is a bit too long and detailed for my taste. I don't think you need to give so much away! You already had me interested with the first paragraph.
Read the story now
Prologue: There is a clear tone of voice established and the antagonist is so unique! You really don't hold back. You've created a brutally honest and direct character that I instantly loathe.
Chapter 1: A great balance of showing vs telling here. I feel you've worked hard on your editing as you've written some lovely descriptions of the van and characters.
Sometimes, the dialogue is cheesy though! Here are some examples that made me cringe and took me out of the story:
'What the fuck am I'
'Bloody fucking hell'
‘You bloody motherfucker, you fucking wanker, ass, twat.’
I find these quite off-putting. I know you want to establish Maria as a feisty and strong protagonist but this just feels too on-the-nose and reminds me of a bad slasher movie where the dumb blonde gets killed off. Maria needs to be more nuanced than this as she is a main character. Maybe you could balance some of the dialogue with more internal thoughts or dial down on the swearing.
Chapter 2: I like how you drip feed in lore and rules about vampires and werewolves. Human blood weakening vampires is an original idea and I’m intrigued to know how Maria’s blood affects Levant. If at all. There is a great balance of dialogue versus action tags in this chapter.
I do feel you are over-egging the sex-appeal of Levant though. It’s a little overkill. I also find it strange and unrealistic that Maria would be so transfixed on Lavent’s good looks considering her predicament. I’d have thought that she’d be wary and distrustful of all men considering how they’ve mistreated her. I would have expected to see her battle with her womanly desires versus the emotional turmoil she’s endured more.
Chapter 3: Lots of good description, especially of the house. Some great inner monologues, too. I liked the fact that Maria considered robbing the sapphire as this felt like a believable move.
Again, I have an issue with the instant connection (given Maria's negative sexual experiences) and how early the topic of sex is approached. A slow burn erotic-romance would build sexual tension, chemistry, and encourage readers to root for their relationship. You’ve come up with these amazing reasons for why they shouldn’t get together but the obstacles are overcome so quickly, it feels a little rushed. After being raped and tortured, Maria would need to go slow and build that trust before even thinking of going all the way with another man. I expected more resistance from Maria, and more push and pull between the characters. Really bedding in that conflict would then make the sex all the more satisfying when it does finally arise.
Chapter 4 and 5: I like how you weave in the back story throughout rather than doing lots of info dumping! There's some great short, snappy dialogue and I love your choice of verbs in the action scenes. You end each chapter in a way that makes you want to read on and each chapter purposefully pushes the plot on. You don't do 'filler' chapters and I really appreciate this.
Chapter 6: You have a great technical grasp on spelling/grammar, but I noticed a couple of things in this chapter that stuck out to me. In the paragraph where Maria says, 'Not too rough for the first time, please' (which I think she'd think more than say... or even not at all...) you repeat 'slowly' in the same sentence and the whole sex scene has too many 'ands'. This glosses over some of the intimate moments, and I really feel like you should savour these and slow them down. Also, I've never heard a woman saying 'wash off' to describe freshening their intimate area before oral sex. As a woman, we just wouldn't say this! It would also be sexier if this was more hinted at then explicitly said.
Overall: You've clearly got a fanbase as so many people highly rate your story, and for many reasons, I can see why. All this feedback is my own personal preference, so please feel free to disagree or ignore everything! I've been honest and as a novice writer myself, constructive criticism has really helped me become a better writer, so I hope you take this with a pinch of salt.