Nothing Good Comes Easy
The story is... not enough, and i a good way. Charming, playful, fun and endearing, it is a total flip to your medieval hero fighting monsters for some cliche goal. It is interesting and humane, nothing bold or wonderful, you simply relate and sympathize with the main character. It leaves you wanting for more, to know what will happen and if there is any hope. I bet there will, we all get our break every now and then. I really hope more chapters pop about soon.
Technically speaking (clears throat) Grammar and punctuation requires revision as well a good proof read. tensing, repeating word and some sentence structures are off. Commas and punctuation options should be explored and revised. It is not amateurish, just unpolished...something i can totally relate, therefore i dont judge with severity. The chapter are short and sweet, quick- fleet footed- but have enough depth to create a story and tell us what is going on, where we are and who we are dealing with. Structure is standard, with good spacing and breaking of paragraphs for pauses and ideas for change. It is a definite solid start for a new author and a new story.
I am eager to join in on her journey and encourage this author to write this story more. I will make my review ongoing (one of the few). I wish to fully appreciate and see how much the story and author will grow.
4 stars is just an adequate start for this "novice rank"...
Slow but Steady
My review will be short. Grammatically and regarding your writing you need to revise and edit your work. Do it whenever you want, there's no rush, but there are various mistakes of punctuation, repeating words and the lot. It sometimes makes you lose your line of thought, or breaks the story's line.
Regarding your style. It is simple, concise, and mostly narrative. Nothing wrong with that, and you actually write and structure your chapters efficiently, nicely and with enough breaks for the length to not be over bearing. HOWEVER, yes the sensation of scrolling and scrolling for... 10k words? It ultimately becomes.... tiring. Maybe you could find a way to segment your chapters in half; make hem more use friendly. Dont worry, your imagery wont be lost. That said...
Regarding plot. Your imagery and story telling is so warm and humane. You craft images and the scenery beautiful, simple words and sentences create such a vivid world. I felt myself there every single time. However, the story moves.... VERY slow. Now, there is always a line. There are slow works, those who narrate a lot, but even so, there are usually peaks and lows to take the story moving. Time wise, your story moves, the days pass, your characters live their lifes but... well, even for a "Slice of Life" work... there's isnt much happening. That doesn't mean things should change, just maybe shorten the length. It's a warm story, like reading someone else's life, but.... it can sometimes be dull. I repeat, simply reduce the narrative and keep the most crucial points, to make it feel as if he story is building up to... something.
Still, i give you 4 stars for the story is charming and a very good "Slice of Life". It is comforting and appealing, your author's voice is there and you have much from where to launch. You know what you're doing and i wish you luck on creating your own original work some day. It seems to be your next step of evolution, you've found your voice.
A short fairy tale with clear and concise references to various fairytales and characters. A new take and clear influence from the Grim Brothers and other folk fairytales, it is an interesting and quick read.
HOWEVER, it is still an experimental take as the story still doesn't present a moral or teaching. At the same time, the play of words is something still needed some fine tuning. These type of stories are very complex in their simplicity. It is a superb take and try, but re reading and checking both fluence, flow and words is crucial. Sometimes less is more, which means simplicity shines in these stories, short and concise words.
Imperfect, yet entertaining, it's a story to keep a watch on as the author hones his skills in this forgotten field.
There's not much to say really. An incredible and breathtaking story with lucid and vivid imagery. The structure is very personal, fresh and easy to read. The word choosing is precise, eloquent, refined and on par with the style, with the voice of the author and the characters. The characters are independent beings, they are alive in the story and one can live their lives beside them. A few mistakes here and there, minute and really you must be nitpicking and being really anal to notice them or be annoyed by them. An edit is...optional. This story is a true gem to be shared and hopefully discovered by the industry.Read the story now
I can't say much about this. It gripped me from the start and i couldn't stop reading until the very end. Truly a slip into madness at what might be the mind of all those "cults" IRL who have taken their lives because of "the end of the world". It was nerve wracking, tense and frustrating...to read about people so abandoned to such a lunatic idea. I loved it.
However, there are grammar mistakes and they sometimes stopped my flow as i had to reread sentences here and there. Nothing besides that though. A bit or repetitiveness in words instead of the use of pronouns or nouns. But, whatever, it's just fine editing. Though my words don't match my rating, i gave the rating because of the ending. The rating is subject to change from 4 to 5 stars for the next simple reasons.
The ending was a bit of a...sudden halt. As a Horror/Terror fan, readying from goosebumps to Dean Koontz, to Stephen King and blah blah, i was expecting of more of a shock ending, somber, dark, vile or even sunny also. The ending was...open one as movies depict in hopes of second parts or for the reader/viewer to just wonder. The problem with that is...then you must answer with more and of the same quality. For such a short story, so perfect in its simpleness....it means extending it...something that could make or break it. If you were to make a series of short stories...i'd be on board... other wise, it felt... not filling... like asking for seconds of a meal and being told there's no more.
Still, the last part is STRICTLY personal taste and i give you my vote, support, respect and best of luck.
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