Lisie Bruwer

Cape Town

South African aspiring writer, focused on non-country-specific young adult fiction and hoping to delve into fatasy and mystery soon

Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

I couldn't put it down!

I really enjoyed your story. It kept me up at night because I simply needed to know what would happen next I liked your characters a lot but I think some of them need to be worked on. Sometimes they don't feel realistic or don't have enough reason to do the things that they're doing. There seems to be a lot of assumptions in the dialogue that could use an explanation. There are a few grammar and punctuation issues what need to be fixed but I didn't pay them too many attention. Some chapters and paragraphs jump into different story parts and it can get confusing. There are also phrases throughout that feel inconsistent and should be rephrased to flow better.
I enjoyed how you ended the story by going back to the beginning. It comes full circle. I would have liked to find out more about the mother (and the father???) but I'm also happy with the current ending (makes for a good sequel or not), I think it's a bit more realistic. But I think the way you create suspense and tension is really great. It got feelings in all the right places. Overall, I think this is a great story; it just needs some further attention and refinement for better flow and understanding.

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