i want to be just like you

I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.

i’m satisfied. yet... everything would be so much better if i knew you. if i lived the same life as you. if i was you.

but i will not know you, i will not have the same life as you, i will not be you.

i dream to live in the same sparkle and spotlight that i see you under.

why am i not you? why was my life written in such a way that i will never have the opportunity to pursue you and your image?

i know that what i’m looking at is not you.

what i am looking at is me. what i want. what i want you to be.

does it matter? i still want to be you.

i still want to know you.

i still want to love you.

so maybe, just maybe, i could live the life that you live.

but there’s nothing wrong with my life now...

so why do i want my life to mirror yours so desperately?

i live a good life. i wouldn’t change my life or who i am for anything at all.

except for you.

i’m so attached to you.

i want you so bad.

why?

what is it that makes me want you so badly?

i’m not jealous. i don’t want to take your place.

i want to be right alongside you. i want to breathe the air you breathe.

i want to be your everything. i want everything that is you to be everything that is me.

you’re so stunning. you embody everything that is beautiful and raw, real and fake, hot and cold, light and dark, and beautiful and beautiful, and beautiful.

i want to live in that beauty. i want to know that beauty. i want to be that beauty.

i want that beauty to submerge every piece of my life in drizzling, sparkling happiness.

i love you so much. but i also love me.

why is it so conflicting to love us simultaneously?

can’t we just be friends? can’t we just be together? why do i have to choose?

but we can never be friends. we can never be together.

so i either love myself or i break myself by loving you.

but i can’t stop loving you. you’re too enchanting, too dazzling, too spellbounding, too comforting, to ever let go.

so i’ll continue breaking myself, breaking my heart.

i will never know you, i will never have the same life as you, i will never be you.

but i will always love you.

so if you ever get the chance to, please love me back.