Never Knew

Packing. It was something every kid in foster care hated - but none hated doing it as much as myself. As I walked about my room, packing my clothes and belongings into my suitcase, I sighed.

Hurting another child here was not intentional. In fact, all I remembered about the event was sering him laying on the floor.

I was being sent to a new home. My social worker was waiting for me in the next room.

This time, the family was named John and Mary Thompson. It was rumored that they tended to have more patience with troublesome teenagers and children than the other foster parents I had been with in the past.

The Thompsons lived Maine, which meant that it was been a long ride from where I lived, which was where my last family lived, near the ocean in Florida.

Stella and i walked out to hwr car and soon, we were off on our tripm

Halfway through our ride, Stella gave me a slight sideways glance, simultaneously paying attention to the road in front of her. "Cassidy, I realize that you didn't want to leave any of your friends, or move again, but you gave me no alternative. You shouldn't have attacked that first grade boy. Have you even been taking your medication like your doctor told you to? You know that you black out and forget things whenever you skip a dosage."

Stella's voice was rising continuously with each new word she said. "You also ran away from your last foster home on several different occasions, making everything written on your psychological evaluations in your file look a lot worse than they really are."

"Yes, Stella. I have been taking my medication. It's just that I don't necessarily always remember to take it. I guess I probably forgot on that particular day," I stated. The day we were talking about had happened about a month ago. I had blacked out from not taking my medication for my schizophrenia and had supposedly beaten up my foster family's biological son. Though, even now, I can't quite remember ever doing such a horrible thing.

"Cas, you know how dangerous that can be. I have been conversing with my boss. We agreed that it would be in everybody's best interest if you saw a psychologist for a little while. I have already set up an appointment for you with a friend of mine who specializes in difficult cases," Stella told me.

"What?" Now I was practically hysterical, I was so frustrated with her. "No, Stella! I promise that I'll behave. Really. All I did was forget my medicine on one day. Besides, I only ran away from that house because Kim and Tom assumed that I had attacked their kid, when he had thrown the first punch."

Besides, even though I had been caught so quickly running away last time, I was already planning my next escape. I would run as soon as we arrived at John and Mary's. That was all I was good at: running. I ran to get to places and to leave them. Most of all, I ran when I was scared. And if I couldn't run, I screamed, or wound up hurting somebody else.

We rode in silence for most of the remainder of the trip until I said, "So, did you tell John and Mary everything about my past?" I gave Stella a look that meant that I would run away again if she had.

"Cassidy, you know that it will be impossible for you to do that again. Don't even attempt it!" Stella implored.

"What the hell are you even talking about Stella?" I queried innocently.

"You know exactly what I am talking about, Cassidy," Stella said as she pulled off the road and into a driveway. "We're here."

As we climbed out of the vehicle, I took a look at my surroundings. The Thompsons had a blue house that looked like a living dollhouse, with two tricycles sitting in the middle of the front yard.

On the roof, next to the chimney, were a green Frisbee and a partially deflated beach ball. From the condition of the beach ball, I had to take a wild guess and say that these two toys had been up on that roof for a while. Probably since last fall.

A woman in her mid twenties, who was wearing a purple, floral dress, came rushing out of the house. Standing behind the woman were two six year old fraternal twins and a man who seemed to be a little older than the woman.

The twins looked like they could be related to me, but that was impossible. My mother had abandoned me when I was born and my father had left me at a mental institution when I was five years old. I looked at the twins again. Perhaps we could be related. After all, I had never heard from my mother. Not once in my entire sixteen years. Nobody on her side of my family had ever contacted me either.

"You must be Cassidy Charleston. My name is Mary. The twins standing behind me are Tod and Leah. The man is my husband, John. "

I gave Stella an annoyed and doubtful look. "Really? You expect me to stay here? I promise that I'll never run away again. As long as I don't have to stay here," I threatened.

"Cassidy, please listen-" Mary started to say.

Stella interrupted her. "Mary, I suggest that you try to avoid talking to Cassidy when she behaves in this ridiculous manner." She turned to look at me. "Cassidy, could I please have your pill bottle so I can give it to Mary?"

"No!" I shouted. I threw the pill bottle at a random tree and ran into the forest in the backyard of the Thompsons' house. I didn't manage to get very far before Stella caught up with me.

"Did you seriously think that stunt would work?" Stella accused.

"Yes, actually, I did," I announced sarcastically.

"Did you forget about the court recommended a tracking anklet and watch? If you continue with this irrational and dangerous behavior, I will have to ask the court to hospitalize you."

"You put a tracker in my MP3 Player, too, didn't you? That's how you found me the last time I ran away, isn't it?"

"Yes, Cassidy. I'm glad that you're finally learning. If you could please come back to the Thompsons with me, I would like to tell you something important."

"No, I refuse to follow you back there. Besides, whatever it is that you want to tell me, it won't change the way I feel about being in this situation. You really want me to give a shit about what's going on? Well, I won't care unless you can promise me one really important thing," I told her.

Stella sighed. "What do you want?"

"I want to be taken off the medication. I wish to contact all the friends I have had while in the system and had to leave behind. I want-" I was incapable of finishing the sentence because at that point, I was crying uncontrollably. In fact, I was crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath, and I started feeling faint.

Stella could immediately tell that something was wrong when I abruptly stopped talking in middle of the sentence. The last thing I heard before I fainted was, "Cassidy, can you hear me?" Then I saw her take out her cell phone from her pocket. I could hear the dial tones as she pressed the numbers 9-1-1.