The Devil's Mercy

August, 2016

The dreams won't stop and each morning I wake in tears. Still feeling his touch. Hearing his warm voice in my ear. The strength and safety of his arms around me. Ten years now and my heart still breaks every morning when I wake and realize it was all a dream. My soul is still trying to carry on. My heart beats but with half of it missing. Will I ever see him again? Will he ever know his son? The precious gift he gave to me.

Mercy closed her diary after adding in another entry, just like all the rest for the last ten years. She'd cried out her broken heart already. Added the entry and now it was time to start her day. Majestic, her nine year old son, and Hope, her sixteen year old sister would be getting dressed as well to walk the dogs. Their routine for the last seven years.

Up at five to walk the dogs. Breakfast and then go and see their horses out at Gunnery Farms to the east near the Hamptons. Then off to do something fun for the day.

Today was going to be a little different. After riding and tending their horses, the trio were going to the old house Mercy had bought for her practice. It needed to be renovated. Why a home and not an office building like so many in her field? Because children were her specialty. Childhood trauma to be specific. She wanted a place that had all the things a child would be interested in. A room with blocks. A room for art. A room themed after a home to play make believe in. Children often didn't express trauma through words, but through all of these other ways. Mercy wanted them to feel comfortable.

She already had clients she did in-home sessions with three days a week. Hope was good about watching her nephew during the days where there was no school. As long as the payment was shopping, the movies, or a ballet. Mercy always paid well. Usually in all three the following day when there was nothing else planned.

She exited her room in her usual white shirt with a black skirt and her hair in braids. She hadn't changed her appearance in ten years. She liked the way she looked. Professional and neat. Nevermind that she got called Wednesday Addams during her college days. It only made her smile a little and then quip something back that was ghoulish or macabre.

Hope's room was right across from Majestic's in the middle of the long hall that was painted to look like a small stream with cat o'nine tails and reeds on the walls. Water lilies mixed in with the rocks painted into the floor. The lighting was just right to give the illusion that the whole thing was real.

Her strawberry

blonde son was already exiting his room when she started for Hope's door. Her name in purple on the outside. Majestic's name plate was in the different animals found on the Serengeti. Hope's room had been painted with scenes from Shrek. Her walls the castle where Princess Fiona had been held. Until last month when Hope had decided to update her room her age. Now it was purple with a black stripe around the center Majestic's was the Serengeti. With warthogs, meerkats, lions, cheetahs, hyenas, crocodiles in the river with hippopotami, this list went on and on.

"Good morning, my son." Mercy kissed his cheek. He was as tall as she was at only nine. His father had been well over six feet. She was glad he had gotten more genetics from his father than from her. She was sure that he was a carbon copy of his father with the exception of getting her nose. A pert little nose that made his cheeks look more severe. His grey eyes warmed when he pressed his forehead to hers.

"You were crying again, Mama." He kissed her cheek.

"A broken heart never heals, my son." Mercy responded. "Go down and get Emerald ready. I may need to rouse cranky." She giggled and sent him on his way down the stairs that was painted to look like a waterfall. The detail she'd put into the spray of the water off the stairs made it look real as well.

Mercy knocked on Hope's door. "You alive?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, just finishing my hair, be down in a minute." Hope called. Mercy gave a nod to the closed door and headed down to get her dog, Ruby, ready for the morning walk.

Her son had on an Old Navy polo shirt and jean shorts with no show socks and Nikes. Mercy preferred Layne Bryant and Hope loved Pink. At sixteen, Mercy had to watch her tongue about the clothes her sister wore. Letting her express herself in whatever way she chose. But praying everyday that Hope remembered her self defense training.

Mercy didn't want to stop her sister from wearing what she wanted but the girl was practically wearing a bullseye on her back for abduction when she came down in a pair of black shortie shorts, pink crop top tank under a mesh black long sleeved shirt. She'd traded tennis shoes for ankle high four inch heeled boots two years ago. Knee high black socks at least covered her legs. Her hair was in a ponytail with little curls that framed her face. "We are walking the dogs not walking a runway." Mercy rolled her eyes.

"Says the woman who has worn the same shit since 2006." Hope quipped back. "I will wear what makes me comfortable."

"Until you go riding." Majestic pointed out. "The saddle is going to give you friction burn."

Hope looked down at her thighs. "Damn. Okay I will change into my longer shorts for the ride. Are we going to be coming back before going to your office?" She asked.

"No. The crew is set to arrive at eight. I will have just enough time to get there after riding." Mercy looked at her sister thoughtfully. "Hope you won't hurt my feelings if we need to rehome Star. I know that tastes and fun change as you grow. You were nine when I bought those horses."

Hope looked down and then back up. "You won't think me ungrateful?" She asked softly.

"Of course not, dearest. You aren't a horse girl anymore. If you don't feel like riding today, you don't have to. I will talk to Hector about placing an ad for Star to find a new owner." Mercy reached out to her sister. "Don't think that anything that changes in you is something you have to hide, sweet sister."

Hope gave her a relieved smile. "Have I said how awesome you are?" She asked and closed the distance between them for a hug.

"Yes, just now." Mercy laughed. "Now let's get the dogs walked, we have a busy day. I thought we would bring the dogs and let them run at the dog park for an hour after my meeting."

The other two were in agreement. They filed out the door with dogs leading the way. Diamond, Ruby, and Emerald were all golden retriever siblings from the same litter. Loki, the Russian blue that Majestic had wanted watched through the huge bay window on the top of his cat tree.

The cat spent most of the time cuddled up to Majestic or Mercy if Majestic was at baseball practice or practicing his drums in the attached storage room that she'd renovated for him to use with his friends from band. They had their own band, practicing and recording in the room for Spotify. They were really good. Mercy was looking into a label for them next year if they kept it up. The little girl that did vocals was amazing. Stephany Gladwell. She was Majestic's closest friend and did choir at the local church.

"Mama?" Majestic asked as they let Hope get ahead of them. "I know I haven't asked in a long time, but I am curious. Why haven't you dated?"

Mercy smiled at her son. "Because, my sweet boy," she put her arm around him. "You are all the man I need in my life." She kissed his forehead. "My smart, talented, good looking son."

He smiled back at her. "You forgot athletic, strong, and tall." He corrected.

She laughed. "Yes, those as well. You make me proud every day. I couldn't ask for a better man in my life."

He looked down at his dog and then back up at her. "I wish you knew his name. His real name. I know you said that the time you met him was difficult for you. But still. I'd like to know him. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, Mom. I just," he paused and thought hard on his words. "I feel like half of me is missing."

She smoothed his longish hair away from his face. It wasn't as long as his father's had been, but it was roguish she supposed. Brushing his jawline in front and just below his collar in back. The part was perfect. The color with everything else made it look like a mane. A lion's mane.

"I know. I wouldn't know where to begin to search for him." Mercy sighed honestly. "I asked a friend but your father had asked for his name not to be given out to anyone."

"And yet you call him a good man. He knocks you up and disappears." Majestic growled through his clenched teeth as much as he could at nine with still a child's voice. Reminding her of Simba on The Lion King.

Mercy bit back her smile in the face of the serious topic. "To be fair, son, he didn't know. Neither did I until I was here in New York City with your aunt. By then there wasn't a trail to follow. No bread crumbs since the sparrows and robins had eaten them all. All I had was the gift of you growing inside me. I don't regret it. You and Hope fill my life with happiness and wonder everyday."

"Did you know you loved him?" Her son looked up at her with the same expression that his father had given her a couple of times when they had spoken.

"After. When I was thinking about it on the bus from Chicago to here. I was able to relax and think. That's when I knew that my heart was taken and my soul had been claimed." Mercy held her son's eyes. "Don't hate a man you have never met, Majestic. He had his reasons for leaving. He didn't know that you would be. He didn't know that he'd taken my heart. All that he knew that was that he wasn't needed by me or my sister anymore and he could go."

"I don't hate him. I hate that you cry every morning for a man who didn't even say goodbye." Majestic said sadly and wrapped his arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. "I love you, Mama."

She kissed his head. "I love you too, Majestic. My son. My gift."

They reached the house long after Hope had already gone inside. Mercy sighed. "She better not break another coffee pot. I want some of that delicious go juice, too." Hope had broken three of Mercy's Keurig in the last ten years trying to make a cup of coffee. Mercy still didn't understand how she managed it.

Hope was waiting by the coffee pot doing her imp impression. Mercy laughed and released Ruby. "Did you remember Diamond's treat, Imp?" Mercy asked going to the pantry where the rawhides were kept for the dogs after their morning, afternoon, and evening walks.

"Damn." Hope replied and slump loped to the pantry to give her dog the treat. "I just really need some coffee."

Mercy laughed and shook her head. "Alright." She gave Ruby her treat and started to make coffee and breakfast. Mercy did the cooking, the kids did the clean up. Not that there was much. Mercy was a firm believer in cleaning as she went.

In thirty minutes each had a omelet and was eating silently at the dining table. After breakfast and dishes, Majestic ran upstairs to get his phone while Hope scrolled hers for messages and her social media.

"What did you and Squirt talk about?" Hope asked. "You two seemed really intense."

Mercy sighed and let the usual tightness that gripped her chest settle before answering. "His father."

Hope put her phone down. "What would he ask you that for?"

"Because unlike us, his father lives, Hope. I know he wants to know him. I'm good but I can't teach him what it is to be a man. Only a man can. I can't prepare him for the fact that life will treat him harder because of that chromosome. I can advise him, but a man can teach him the other side. His coach and the fathers of his friends can guide him, but it's not the same as the man to man talks his father could give him."

"Besides you can't throw a baseball." Majestic teased with his phone, mitt and a bag of baseballs in his hands. "I thought I would practice at the dog park." He shrugged.

"I can, too. You just never ask." Mercy replied with her hands on her hips. "Are we ready then?"

The pair nodded and they leashed the dogs to take out to the cobalt blue Land Rover 130. It was the largest SUV Mercy could get and it seated eight. Perfect for the dogs to have their own seating in the very back. She was also in charge of concessions during baseball season. Her way of supporting her son.

They arrived at the stables at six. Mucked stalls and laid fresh hay then Mercy and Majestic took their two Roan Appaloosas out for a trail ride for an hour.

They rode silently for half an hour and then Mercy sighed. "I know it's still weighing on you. What has happened that you are so upset with this today?" She asked.

"Zach got pissed because I was asking his dad on tips for pitching." Majestic finally said. "Told me to get my own dad, leave his alone. I got really angry and sad."

Mercy considered that from both sides. "Does Zach get along with his dad?" Mercy asked.

"Mom." He groaned. "Don't psychoanalyze me or my friends. Besides I got him back by telling him that at least I have the coolest and hottest mom in school." He grinned. "Zach's parents are getting divorced."

That didn't take a PhD to figure out. "No. Son. No. If I choose to date, it will be on my terms. I am sorry to hear that Zach is caught in the middle of that."

Majestic gave her a surprised look. "You mean you don't ogle Trey like other moms do?"

"No. That is rude. He is a good looking man but I have manners. I have heard the things said about him by other single and married mothers on your team. It makes me sick." Mercy replied defensively. "Besides it's not him I dream about every night. I prefer taller with more muscle personally." She looked at her son. "You are going to stop hearts and catch breaths when are thirteen, you know right?" She smiled at him. "Just don't-"

"Get too involved with a girl until I know she is the one." Majestic rolled his eyes. "How long are you going to keep harping that?"

"You will still hear it from my urn on your mantel after I am dead and you are married with children of your own." Mercy laughed.

The trail took them around the perimeter of the stable lands then back to the stables. They brushed their horses down and loaded back into the car.

Hope was furiously texting. "Mercy do I have to go with you?"

"No." Mercy replied slowly. "What, who, and how long please? Majestic and I can't handle all three dogs by ourselves."

"There's a music festival in Brooklyn today. Heather invited me. Please?"

Mercy's ears rang with alarm bells in her head. "I want a phone call every half hour. Not a text, not an emoji, a real call. Three hours tops. Don't make me call the commissioner to find you." Hope sighed. "I'm trusting you to do the right thing and to remember to defend yourself. You remember?"

"Yes." Hope grinned. "How can we not. We practice every night for an hour."

Mercy snorted and got directions to the festival. "Heather needs to come here to get you." Mercy stopped Hope from getting out of the car. Then relaxed. It was a heavy metal festival. "Nevermind. The security is going to be insane in there. Don't accept pills. Three hours. Right here, understand?" Mercy asked. "Phone call every."

"Half hour. I got it. I love you, too." Hope hugged Mercy and then got out of the car.

Mercy called the foreman to let him know she was going to be a few minutes late. He laughed and said the same. His daughter was at the music festival. Mercy grinned. "Same. I am just leaving. See you there."

She looked at Majestic in the seat behind Hope. "Just us, buddy. You good?"

"Yeah." He replied and pet Emerald on the head. The dog had a green collar with green rhinestones to tell him apart from his sisters. Not that it would be easy to mistake the male dog for his siblings. Ruby had a red one and Diamond had a white one. Easier to identify if they go missing. Each dog was chipped as well.

Mercy pulled into the drive of the house where a silver SUV was parked with two men next to it. Her breath caught and her heart skipped a beat. It couldn't be...