In The Beginning
The evening had been unusually glum.
While the wine had been bottomless, and the bread a nice brioche, it didn’t really distract from the elephant in the room. When Jude heard that someone was going to betray Jesus, he’d been shocked, devastated. He was really enjoying being an apostle. 12 best friends, a cool leader who came up with games to play all the time and could save lives at the drop of a robe, and this whole miracle prowess he’d seemed to finally get under control. But, Jesus has to come in and start talking about death, which is a real mood killer* anyway, but when it specifically relates to Jesus Christ Our Savior Son of God, And Really Cool Leader, the bread and wine were just not enough to save the dead environment.
Jude really didn’t see what was so blasphemous about Jesus’ whole shtick. He’d talked about this with some of the guys before, but they didn’t quite get his drift. All about their “duty” and whatnot, like they enjoyed being persecuted for kindness.
Jesus said something like, “The Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified,” and everyone responded with appropriate gasps of shock and awe, but Jude was just wondering why Jesus wasn’t making a run for it or something. You’d think that a guy with the power to heal the sick and dying would want to stick around for a while, but hey, when it was your time, it was your time.
Unbeknownst to Jude, at the same time he was thinking about how unfortunate it was that poor Jesus was going to be betrayed, Judas was doing the betraying.
He’d gone over to the High Priest, who had counted out 30 pieces of silver in exchange for Jesus. It’s not like he was getting paid to be an Apostle, and a guy had to eat. It was beginning to gnaw at him. He could feel a wound of guilt opening beneath his ribs, festering, and he shifted from argument to argument to justify his actions. He knew the fallout wouldn’t be nice. Besides, it’s not like anything really bad was going to happen to Jesus. They’d probably just lock him in jail for a while, he’d heal a sick guard or something, and boom, back on the street again, no harm no foul.
When Judas returned to the dinner, he sat next to Jude who was looking shaken.
“Hey man. What’s going on? Why does everyone look like their cat died?” Judas was very fond of cats.
“Someone is going to betray Jesus. Soon,” Jude whispered back urgently.
“Whaaaaaat,” Judas said, “That’s crazy. I don’t know who that might be, but y’know these things happen, and whatever poor guy it is probably had a really really good reason, wouldn’t you say?” He felt satisfied that he’d sounded like a concerned Apostle and not a guilty one.
Jude’s fears were not assuaged. He’d always been very concerned with right and wrong, and he knew whomever it had been would need his help. But he wasn’t thinking much about that.
“Jesus says they will come for him, and he will be crucified on a Cross!”
Judas suddenly felt quite ill.
“They’re going to do what on a where?” He asked, flabbergasted.
“Cross. Crucify,” Jude responded, fear mounting in his voice. “We have to help him. Judas, please, help me figure out who it is, maybe we can stop it.”
“I think it’s too late for us, Jude. I have to go.”
Judas ran as fast as he could, the blood silver jingling in his robes like an incessant alarm bell of his betrayal. He ran past his home, past the church, past the people waving to him in the street.
By the time he reached the High Priest, the sun was coming up. He banged on the door, and a triumphant old man opened the door.
Judas, gasping for breath, pulled the silver out of his robes and said “Please, take it back, it’s not worth it, you can’t have him. I’ve made a mistake. You can’t have him.”
The High Priest simply watched, amused, and Judas knew it was too late. He dropped the money on the floor and left.
He knew where it was to happen, and he couldn’t be there. He imagined Jude’s face, knowing that he, Judas had given up on their master. They’d become Apostles together, and they always thought they would be that way for the rest of time. Together, helping people, doing good. And Judas had betrayed him.
He stopped in a field, and saw a tall fencepost in the distance. He knew what he had to do.
The rope was on the ground, as though it had been waiting for him, knowing that he would appear and that this was his answer. His hands knew what to do, and then it was over.
