prologue - Lake St. James.
I remembered the last time I saw Spencer Anderson. With his bright ginger hair, thick-rimmed circular glasses, rosy cheeks, and prepubescent giggle we packed away our suitcases, swapping items such as hoodies and pictures we both had taken over the previous five weeks.
I remembered thinking that I couldn’t wait until next summer; until we could see one another again. My best friend. Since we were seven years old we met up annually at Camp Starry Nights and even at 12 years old, the excitement never dulled.
“Oh, Lake, I’m gonna miss you, bro!” Spencer said with his signature grin. His arms hung by his sides, his fingers twiddling with the others. Even with all of the smiles and residual elation, I knew Spencer was just as sad as I was to be leaving. Yet again.
“I’ll miss you, too, Spence,” I replied, pulling him into a final hug and breathing in his scent. Being bunk buddies, I grew to call the smell that encircled Spencer the scent of home. At least the home away from home. The home we shared at Camp Starry Nights.
“See you next year!” Spencer called as he climbed into his parent’s car, waving as they pulled out of the gravelled car park at the camp entrance. His cheeky, smiling face was engraved into my brain. Whenever I’d close my eyes I’d see him smiling; I’d hear his giggles, his hilarious impressions of Johnathan, our most hated camp counsellor.
And those memories were enough to take me through the rest of the year until we saw one another again. The countdown to summer made me go completely jelloid as the anticipation of seeing my best friend again grew stronger and stronger.
I remember the summer I was turning 13. I yelled a brief goodbye to my parents before grabbing my ginormous rucksack from the boot of the car and bounding over to Johnathan to check in.
“Good morning, Lake,” Johnathan said, his squeaky voice almost piercing through my eardrums. A smile crept up on my face as I could imagine Spencer’s imitation and how hilarious it would be that it would carry us over throughout the five weeks at camp. I couldn’t wait to see him.
“Good morning, Johnathan. Spence here yet?” I remember peaking at the piece of paper that Johnathan had on his clipboard, searching for Spencer’s name. He pulled it to his chest and I saw the sad look on his face. “What?”
“Spencer’s not coming this year,” Johnathan said. His lips set in a straight line. Something told me he was happy that Spencer wouldn’t be joining us. That way he wouldn’t have to deal with our shenanigans. But my heart fell into my stomach.
“Why?” It took a lot for me not to cry. My nails dug into the palms of my hands and my teeth almost pierced through my tongue.
“I’m not sure, mate,” he replied, “Spencer’s parents never signed him up this year. I’m sure there’s a reason. But you can take this year to try and make new friends. Your new bunk buddy is called…Matty. Go make friends!” Johnathan turned his attention to another kid who had turned up, leaving me alone to sort my bunk out. Without Spencer.
We used to love this time before camp officially started. We’d always come early to catch up. To sit on our beds, which were always next to each other, and we’d pull out things we’d brought one another from home. I’d get him lots of chocolate because his parents didn’t allow him to eat many sweet things. And he’d bring me drawings. Spencer was an artist. At camp, he’d always want to stop, mid-hike to sketch the trees. He’d try to draw me, too. And as the years went by, he got better and better. I was excited to see how much his talent had grown that year. But, I would never know.
That year was such a lousy year for camp. I spent most of it in silence, hoping and praying that Spencer would come out from behind the trees and say “Sorry I’m late!” But my wish never came true. Instead, I spent week after insufferable week with Matty, who was as fun as a doorknob. He rambled on about trains and golf and weird films I’d never even heard of. And the more Matty spoke, the more I missed Spencer.
“Is there a number for Spencer, Johnathan?” I asked after the first week, “I just want to see if he’s okay.”
“You didn’t even have his number to begin with?” Johnathan asked, astonishment clear on his face when I shook my head. We never thought to exchange numbers. We didn’t speak throughout the year, despite us wanting to talk 24/7 but I distinctly remember Spencer saying his mum didn’t like him handing out their number willy-nilly. So we just never revisited the idea again. “Leave it with me, Lake. I’ll try and see if I can contact them, okay?”
And I waited and waited and waited. I waited as we did arts and crafts in the food hall when the rain pelted it down outside. I waited as the counsellors used the softened mud to their advantage and created an obstacle course, causing injuries and tears. I waited as I stared at the bed that belonged to Spencer, occupied by Matty, and forced the tears away.
“Lake?” Johnathan whispered early one morning. “Lake, Spencer’s on the phone!” Just hearing Spencer’s name dragged me out of my sleep. I leapt out of bed; the wooden floor of the cabin was ice cold that early on a morning, but I didn’t care. I was going to talk to Spencer.
“Spence!” I shouted into the phone as I sat in the counsellor’s office. It was just a room with five desks scattered about. They all had matching ancient computers and phones with long curly cables. Each desk had name tags on them. I sat at Johnathan’s desk. His name tag was handmade with gold lettering and sparkles scattered around the cardboard. He definitely made his during arts and crafts.
“Lake.” Spencer’s voice was quiet and sadness spilled from it.
“Why aren’t you here?” I asked. I knew I sounded childish, but my best friend wasn’t with me and I was sad. I swore I heard mumbling in the background but I didn’t know if it was interference or just my imagination.
“I-I-I can’t come to camp anymore. I’ve, um, outgrown it,” I knew then that it wasn’t Spencer’s choice to not be at camp. But why? We had fun. He was always happy at camp.
“Of course you haven’t outgrown it! I miss you, Spence. I wanted to see you. Isn’t there any other way we can see each other again?” I begged. It was bad enough going a year between meetings, but anything more than that and I felt like I would die.
There was silence as I held in my soft sobs. Until Spencer said something that shattered my heart completely.
“We’re never seeing each other again, Lake. We aren’t friends anymore. Goodbye.” And then the sound of the dialling tone erupted in my ears. But, honestly, any sound was better than hearing the words that came out of Spencer’s mouth.
I remembered crying for the rest of the day. I remembered being so unconsolable that I had to leave camp early. And it wasn’t until the moment that Spencer uttered those words that I realised that I was in love with him. I was in love with Spencer Anderson and I was never going to see him again.
