Prologue
It was the same every year. Artie would make calls and try to find out what everyone’s plan was for the holiday season. With everyone spread out across the nation, the only tradition old Artie was seeing every year was excuses. It hadn’t always been this way. There used to be a time when all the kids and grand kids would trip over each other to spend the holidays at his big house. Those were the good old days when his wife was still around. Before her passing, she would often joke that everyone was really there to see her and not him. Turns out her jokes were quite accurate because when his lovely wife of fifty years succumbed to cancer, everyone stopped showing up for Christmas. Artie just assumed the first year was too tough because the first holiday was less than a few months after her passing and it might have been too soon. He let it slide and thought nothing of it. But now it had been seven years and not a single kid or grand kid had sat down at the massive table in his dining room to break bread with him on his savior’s birthday.
It wasn’t like some of his kids didn’t have good excuses. David was a surgeon and he spent his holidays working in free clinics to help those who couldn’t afford health insurance. While it was admirable from a distance, deep down Artie knew that was a shield to protect David from criticism, something he did often to deflect negative things being said about him. Sorry I missed that play I never wanted to see, but I was too busy saving lives. It was like playing chess with a grand master. Even though you knew what game was being played you still had no chance of winning.
There were the kids who had no excuses. Kim was a stay at home mom with four rug rats that Artie wanted to spoil endlessly. Yet instead of taking him up on offers of free babysitting and weekend to spend with her husband, he was rejected every time he reached out to spend time when them.
Next was Richard, who was larger than life. Living what was his childhood dream, Richard was a professional baseball player. Making millions to play a game most people would do for free, he was also able to fly anywhere at a moment’s notice but still had no time for his old man. Whenever they would talk on the phone, they would talk about all things baseball and nothing else. It was the one bridge they had left but Artie was sad that he wasn’t closer to Richard beyond that. He couldn’t be prouder of his son, but lately he had been living up to his name and was a real dick to his old man.
Then there was Malcolm. Professor at an esteemed university and all round know it all. Malcolm never came for Christmas dinner because Artie never invited him. They were like oil and vinegar and fought every time they shared the same air. His youngest child also knew exactly how to push his buttons as if it were a secret talent that only he possessed. His wife would laugh at how good they were at setting each other off; it was like watching synchronized swimming she often said. He missed her more than ever, especially now that he had spent every holiday alone since her passing.
This wasn’t the way Artie wanted to spend his last years, alone every Christmas and only cooking for one. The previous year, Artie decided to do something different and didn’t even invite any his kids over. He gave everyone the same treatment that was usually reserved for Malcolm and nothing changed and he got the same cards and postcards in the mail and nothing more. His attempt at reverse psychology was a complete and utter failure, epic as his grand kids would tell him.
As the next holiday season approached, Artie had finally decided that he wasn’t going to take it anymore. This year he was prepared to fight them tooth and nail to get what he wanted. Artie paused for a moment and thought about what that meant. What kind of dinner would he have if all of them had to be dragged in there kicking and screaming against their will? Artie knew that he would have to be more creative if he was going to have the happy holiday he missed so much. He had considered writing them all out of his will if they didn’t show up this year. That was an empty threat because he didn’t have that much left over and two out of four kids were millionaires. It was going to take some real trickery to get them all at the table this year but he was determined to make it happen.
Even if it was the last thing he ever did...
