Our First - Noel
My name is Noel, Noel Claus. You've met my older sister, Winter. She's the oldest in every way. Plan-driven, responsible, organized, smart, motherly, but also afraid to take chances. Well, she used to be that way. Some might call such a trait a blessing, cautiously smart people are known to live longer. Other's might say it's a fear of failure or the unknown.
Everything changed when she met a Yeti. No, not just some really big guy that's abnormally hairy. A half-Yeti beast of a creature that landed on her doorstep like a wrecking ball. Ok, he is a really huge man with a lot of hair, but he is also his mother's son. A snow beast from the legends with the height and temperament to boot. Reynard.
Who would've thought the oldest daughter of Santa Claus would shack up with a Yeti? I mean the guy wants a million kids.
"She wants a million kids."
Well, he lived halfway around the world. Even if they fit together like a perfect puzzle, it was a bit farfetched.
"Ah yes, farfetched. The snow creature and a woman living in the snow. Both immortal. Both a bit too touchy feely and lovey dovey."
Rolling my eyes at my own jealousy I could only sigh. Who was I kidding? It wasn't like she was going to meet many people stuck at the North Pole. Besides, they're brilliant for one another. They mirror each other's movements almost obnoxiously. They seem happy, smiling all the time and laughing at their little inside jokes.
"Green with envy, mother would say."
Anyway, I'm getting off track. I guess I'm just a little peeved and mystified. I thought she'd be the last of us to settle down, if she ever did. Why?
"She's beautiful, intelligent, well managed, easy to love."
Another heavy sigh had me running a hand through my hair. The truth is that I didn't know how to feel when she found the love of her life. Winter is like a motherly figure to all of us. In some ways her and mom are a mirror of one another. I guess I just assumed she would take care of all of us for the rest of time. There wouldn't be another person to take away her attention or separate the family further.
"That's a real shit thought."
My whisper held venom only toward myself as I scolded the selfish workings of my mind. Winter deserves love, just as all of my family does. No matter how tight my chest gets at the idea of it all.
I just never saw her as the spontaneous, take-a-risk kind of person. I mean, Reynard was a stranger. A half Yeti, ginormous, risk-taking, and rough around the edges stranger. Still, Winter took a chance on him. It was like he lit a fire in her that no one ever knew existed and the change in her was magical.
Every time I see them feels bittersweet. I want to be happy for her, to love that she is loved, and yet there is this tiny troll of a monster inside my heart that yearns for the same. How could I not be jealous? Out of the twelve of us, none of us have ever left the North Pole besides father. His reasoning is obvious.
Well, my mother lived outside the North Pole before she met my dad, but that's a different story altogether. One I have never heard in detail, thanks to our parent's secrecy on their origins.
Honestly, I had never thought of staying here my whole life, but then I grew up and it all just made sense. Maybe I gave up on my dreams. I had hoped, I guess, over time that I would meet someone. I wanted to learn from other's and enjoy conversations with well-traveled and knowledgeable folks.
How could I do that here? Winter's Yeti love was a great thing, but it just isn't in me to sit around and wait for fate to drop a partner in my lap. It would be madness to hope for this land to provide love for every single one of us.
Tapping a pen on paper I thought of the boundaries surrounding our home.
"I'll never leave."
Cowardice, that's all I think of when I stand at the edge of the invisible dome of magic toward the end of our safe haven. I want so badly for something I can't make myself fight for. I fear that I may never see what lies beyond that snow ridden landscape.
Sitting around waiting for the impossible seems to be a game I play every day. I mean, we welcome creatures, supernatural beings, into our community all of the time. Why couldn't I hope for a deity to fall in love with? Winter got her happily ever after, why not me?
"When the snow stops falling and the sun falls from the sky."
I'm immortal, if I needed to wait around forever I could do it. Do I want to? No. I feel like I'm losing my mind walking the same path day after day. I'm happy for my sister, truly. She works harder than all of us, right alongside our mother and father. If anyone deserves a partner to be able to lean on it's her. Does that stop the sad thoughts or brush away the envy? No.
I have something my other siblings lack. A twin. Yukio, my younger sister by an hour, has always been glued to my side. I’m a few inches taller than her, prefer to keep my hair up, and I can't stand the smell of rosemary. Yukio is the wild side of me, her charismatic personality easily the yin to my yang.
We even each other out, two sides to the same coin. I guess if I could wish for one thing, I would wish for her happily ever after first. I know, you'd think after all that jealousy and whining I'd be a bit more selfish. Maybe, in a way, that's still true.
We've been by each other's side our whole lives. She's the one who got me to go to the community talent show and sing, which I would've regretted never doing. If I didn't have her my life would be dull, meaningless. I want her to be happy because that makes me happy. I know that, if given the choice, I would do anything to keep her smiling. I also know that it would be better if she found love first.
The talent show is a memory I cherish now. We were kids at the time, but she had been bullheaded and confident in me when I wanted to run and hide. When she helped me practice, when her hand held mine as I trembled beside the stage, and even when she hollered my name as the song ended, I knew she would always be by my side. My blessing.
After that night I went on to study music, learning how to play the piano and violin as well as bettering my vocals. With my mother and Winter's help, I sold record after record of music around the world. I felt fulfilled. Truly, every CD sold felt like a win. That was the moment I stopped dreaming of running away because I had a purpose here. It was a chain I was willing to bear if it meant keeping the peace.
Mother asked me once, when we were alone after a session, if I felt like I was missing out by not traveling. It would make sharing my passion easier, she had said. I could read between the lines. She had been feeling out the situation, gauging whether I was living true to myself or to someone else.
It felt painful, being forced to think of leaving when I may never be able to return. Would mother support that? The rules of the North Pole are strict in who can leave and who can return. If I traveled and could never find my way back it would be the will of the land. It was a terrifying fact to come face to face with.
I still wondered sometimes, daydreamed really, of the world outside the barrier. What would it be like to be able to move freely with no worries? Maybe I'd regret it, leaving my family behind. My sister. Still, I couldn't stop the wandering of my mind.
"Noel! Momma's here!"
Right, I'm off to another day of toy organizing and song recording. If being the daughter of the Santa Claus gave me one thing, it was a full schedule. Not something I'll ever complain about, because a still mind is a dull one, but nonetheless.
"Coming!"
