Chapter 1
I
It almost felt like a ritual, the way she folded her clothes and put them in a suitcase. She had already packed all her other personal belongings in boxes and put them in the cart she had hung behind her car. She let out a deep sigh. She had just called the lawyer who would represent her interests in the divorce. She had done it! She’ll get a divorce. Never having to hear the negative judgment again would be a blessing!
Her husband didn't hit her, he should have tried, but he did squeeze her upper arms hard, and he always put her down, was always contemptuously to her. She wasn't good enough at taking care of him, not good enough to be a real journalist, let alone a writer, didn't dress well, either too sexy or like a nun. Oh yes, it was also possible to be too sloppy. If she hadn't been so strong, she wouldn't have dared to go outside anymore.
Except for her friend Sylvie, she couldn't talk to anyone about it, because he was widely respected and loved as a chief constable. They wouldn't believe her anyway. Actually, she didn't understand why she hadn't left sooner. Probably not sure enough of herself as to whether she would be able to take care of herself financially, maybe he was right after all...
Apparently, his words had had an impact all these years. Did she dare to burn her ships behind her to start over somewhere? And she loved her house and the environment... Apologies, she knew that too.
The last straw was the I Am training and the research she had done into the rumors that there were corrupt officers in their police force. She had done it for herself, not on commission, no one knew about it. She had been very discreet, which had been a good decision, because it turned out that she had been researching her own husband! He turned out to be corrupt. Not just him, of course. They weren't big horrible things, it was a small force, but it wasn't neat either.
Now that she knew this, it was enough to take the plunge. That and that her book had been published. And they wanted a sequel! She already had it ready. She had written it under a pseudonym so that her husband didn't know about it. In addition to the articles she wrote for a regional newspaper, she now had enough income to leave. Thanks to her research and the evidence she had, she wasn't afraid of revenge on his part either. She put the last pieces of clothing in the suitcase and closed it, dragged it down the stairs and put it by the front door.
Marc could come home at any moment. To pass the time, she made a mug of tea and sat on the couch in the living room and waited. Her tea hadn't finished yet when she heard his car approaching. Marc was there. Too bad because he could also be nice. It was never completely black or white. The front door opened. "Mackenzie, what's going on here? Are you cleaning up?" She could hear in his voice that he didn't believe it himself. That he could already feel the storm coming.
"You're going, I'm going, to leave me, away Marc." They both said it at the same time. Despite the fact that he had felt it coming, he looked defeated. For a moment, she saw the Marc she had loved. Then the expression on his face turned into one that almost scared her.
"You bitch! Who do you think you are, that you can just walk away from me? What do you think you're going to live on? You'll never make it without me. I'll slander you all over."
Mackenzie straightened her back. She wasn't that person anymore. "I think it's a shame that it has to be this way, Marc. But I have found out things that are not acceptable. About corruption in the force." He had wanted to interrupt her, to attack her, but now his mouth snapped shut. "During my research, I found out that you are also involved, so if you do me even a little bit of harm, I will send everything to the newspaper. Even if I notice that you are still working like that. You still have the chance to improve. Tell the others too." For the first time, he raised his arm to slap her. "I wouldn't do that. Because your career is over and if you want to beat me to death..." He lowered his arm and looked very guilty, which pleaded for him.
"I would never do that," he murmured, startled at himself and dropped on the chair he was leaning against, his head sunk between his shoulders, staring at the floor, realizing what she had said.
"Sylvie is also aware of it. If I don't get to her, it still goes to the newspaper. I'm also so tired of how you talk to me. I've already initiated the divorce."
"I'm sorry... Don't leave." He lifted his head and looked at her imploringly. She was tempted to back down, but he had shown remorse before, but after a while things were back to normal.
"You know we don't work out together. If you regretted it, it was always only for a moment. Then you drilled me into the ground again. I love a part of you Marc, always done that a lot, but the most present side of you I hate, it's not good for me and that's why I'm leaving. I took everything I need with me and a third of our savings account, I don't need anything else." She put her arms around him, she felt him put an arm around her too and for a moment she froze. But that was all, and she gave a kiss to the Marc she had once fallen in love with, whom she had never seen again after her marriage. "Bye Marc, use your wits and be a real police officer." He nodded and pressed another kiss to her lips.
"I'm really sorry, Mackenzie." She didn't recognize him and was wary. Mackenzie quickly turned and walked to the front door, picking up her coat and suitcase as she passed. She looked behind her for a moment as a farewell, opened the door which she closed behind her with a soft final click. Mackenzie walked to her car on shaky legs.
Her heart bled for Marc. Stupid that she felt sorry for him. She stuffed her suitcase into the back seat, got in the car and locked the doors. There she sent a message to Sylvie that she was coming. To heal the pain in her heart, she thought back to her marriage. She did the right thing to leave. Yep, definitely! It was a little scary. Hopefully Marc improved his life.
She put her head on the steering wheel and allowed herself to cry. Tears began to flow uninhibitedly. She cried for the Marc she had missed for so long, for the tension, the fear she felt in every cell of her body for the step she was taking now. When the image of his astonished face appeared before her eyes—that image pushed the face away from him which aroused pity in her—she laughed through her tears: he had never expected that of her, that she dared to go against him. It took a lot of strength and courage. Thanks to the I Am training, she had dared to take this step. It gave her self-confidence, feeling worthy of being happy, trusting her inner strength and knowing that happiness comes from within. She lived from her inner strength, from her own truth, from who she really was, a creation of God and God only creates perfection, so she was good enough as she was. Now she was on her way to a new part of her life where she only needed herself to be happy, not expecting it to come from outside herself, but from within, from the strength within herself.
After an hour's drive she reached the village where Sylvie recently lived. She had gone to work as a managerial hostess in the hospital. It wasn't a very big hospital and it wasn't a full-time job, but she didn't really need to. They paid enough to make ends meet, she had told Mackenzie. For her, it was a godsend. Sylvie had a spare room and she was in a completely different environment for a while.
For her work, it didn't matter where she lived. If only she had her tablet, power outlet and internet. According to Sylvie, it was beautiful there. Coast and forests. It had everything. The village was more of a small town so plenty of entertainment if she needed it. Maybe if she liked it, she would stay there. She had at least one girlfriend, also her only friend thanks to Marc. Oh yeah also. The only people she was allowed to hang out with were the wives of the officers. They were certainly nice, but Mackenzie felt like she had to tiptoe around, afraid that she would let something fall out of her mouth about Marc, which would have his torn come over her again. Her upper arms never seemed to be quite a normal color. But that was over now. Done!
She started to look around a bit more consciously now that she had left the busy roads behind her and drove outside the village to Sylvie's house. It stood on the outskirts of the village and overlooked farmlands. It seemed as if she saw a castle in the distance. Or at least a country house. It was beautiful, it almost sparkled in the sun. Maybe she could visit that.
When the mansion was out of sight, she came to an embankment where there were three identical houses. Sylvie lived in the middle one. Mackenzie parked her car behind Sylvie's in a long driveway next to the house, so the cart was out of the way. When she got out of the car, the front door opened and she came running to her. "I was so worried, I'm glad you're here. We'll take your suitcase out and put your stuff in the shed, then you have to tell me everything!" They embraced each other as if they didn't want to let go. "I'm so relieved you're here, you don't want to know!" Mackenzie gave her another grateful kiss on the cheek. She smiled in relief.
"Me too! Those things will come tomorrow. There is tarpaulin over it so it can't hurt. Plus they're not worth the trouble of stealing," Mackenzie said, snatching the trunk from the back seat. Sylvie hooked her arm through Mackenzie's, and they walked in together.
"I’ve cooked a nice dinner, but first we’re going to have something to drink and then you can tell me everything. Coffee or tea?"
Colin pushed open the door of his local pub and was greeted by a pleasant warmth and the pleasant buzz of people having a good time. He loved coming here, because he was always greeted from the bar as if he were a good friend and the bartender was happy to see him. Yes, duh, he brought in money, he thought mockingly. But it felt good, like a warm blanket. As if family, just like his real family slash group of friends. He undid his scarf and unbuttoned his coat. It was the end of May and still cold, actually cold again, last week it seemed like spring and now they were back in winter, it was damn late May, it was time for real spring and not just a few stolen spring days, it had even snowed a few days ago, causing a crowd in the hospital. The reason why he came to take his mind off things.
Bart, the bartender held out his hand. "Hey, Colin, a long time ago!" They hooked their thumbs together and clasped each other's wrists in a brotherly handshake. Bart handed him a bottle of beer.
"Nice... Thanks." He took a greedy sip. "Well, it's hectic in the hospital," he answered his question. "Too tired to come over. Now also actually, but I just wanted to distract my mind."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that his friend Lucas was trying to get his attention. He held up a bottle of beer and briefly held it upside down. Then Lucas looked at the woman sitting next to him and held up her glass with a remnant of red liquid. Colin gave a thumbs up with a grin. "I think Luke wants another bottle of beer and Winter wants a Bloody Mary. Is it that time again?" he grinned.
"Yes, she wasn't in the best of moods. She came in with such a murderous look in her eyes. I'm sure you can cheer her up," Bart grinned.
"Well," Colin said doubtfully. "I don't know if I'm in the mood for that tonight. I don't say it easily, but I'm too tired even for that."
"Then I hope she's not too disappointed."
"Probably not, maybe you should make some effort for her?"
"She won't see me if she has you."
"Are you crazy, we are nothing more than friends with benefits. I think if she knew that you were crazy about her, or interested in her, she might be open to you. Since I know you're crazy about her, I haven't invited her anymore. Count on her to be a tough one. She's quite fond of her freedom." Bart looked at Winter — a handsome woman with warm brown hair, now in a businesslike Grace Kelly role and a heart-shaped face, with big almost innocent eyes, who spoke animatedly to Lucas — and back at Colin again.
"Thanks man, maybe I'll ask her out sometime, yeah, maybe I will." Bart handed over the drinks.
"Don't let yourself be put off, huh?" warned Colin. Bart grinned, "I'll think about it deeply."
After sharing a conspiratorial laugh, Colin walked over to his friends. He put the drinks on the table, shook Lucas's hand and gave a man hug. He turned and looked at Winter inquisitively. "Are you okay?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her lips. He wanted to pull out after the short kiss, but she had put her hand on his neck and kissed him with more passion than he intended, there was more to it than just a friendly kiss. Oh-ow. "That Bloody Mary spoke volumes, but this..." he said hoarsely, when he was finally able to break free. When Winter wasn't having a good time, she would have a drink that matched her bloodthirsty mood and it would be clear to her friends how she felt. With that kiss it was very clear that she needed comfort. She nodded agitatedly and immediately started to talk as if a button had been pressed.
"Phew, those writers! Man! They really think they’re the shit! Once they've written a bestseller, they immediately become stars with the attitude. Don't get me wrong, we need them and not all of them are like that... Thank God!" she said heartily. "But they don't think about the fact that I also have time off. Give me a novice writer. At least they're happy with everything you do for them." Colin sat down next to her and put an arm around her.
"Can't you turn off your phone?"
"Yes, but then they call a colleague and he calls on my private mobile. The stupid thing is that these are questions that can also be dealt with the next day." Winter turned her eyes upward and sighed. "You'd think someone who writes brilliant books would be a lot smarter." Luke nudged her with his shoulder.
"Let go, don't think about it anymore and celebrate the weekend. And turn off both mobile phones or at least turn off the sound." A fast song by Madness began to play, One Step Beyond. Luke pulled her to her feet. "What timing. This song is exactly what we need." Winter laughed loudly and the three of them went wild for a while. Leaving the exhausting week on the dance floor.
With their arms around each other they jumped around the dance floor excitedly, more and more people joined in. Afterwards they were grinning, panting. "Actually, it should be played again," Winter thought.
"Please don't, not after the week I've had," Colin panted, "my condition isn't great anymore. It's time for me to go for a run again in the morning."
"I hope we have a quieter weekend this week than the one a few weekends ago." Luke told Winter what had happened.
A friend of theirs was almost killed. "That weekend was pretty intense, but it ended well."
"Well indeed, pooh, intense indeed. Either way, I wasn't planning much. I don't think I've had a quiet moment since Lynn got into a fight with those poachers," Colin agreed.
"So much has happened that it seems like a century ago, but that was only at the end of last year with an extension to February before she was fully recovered."
"It was dreadful. I sympathized with you so much from a distance, not a day went by that I didn't think of her," Winter said compassionately.
"It's all over now.” Colin waved it away. “I'm leaving again." He put his bottle to his mouth and drank the last sips.
"Already? You've just arrived." Winter put an arm on Colin's.
"I know, but I'm devastated. I just had a great time dancing and it was great to talk to you, well, it was about work again but okay, you are forgiven." Colin grinned.
"Okay, that's great, we're workaholics. Next time, we'll choose nicer subjects."
"We need a private life," Luke grumbled.
"Well indeed. That's what I'm going to do now."
"You're going home. That's not a private life. You don't experience anything there," Winter said mockingly.
"No, that's right, and I urgently need that right now. No excitement for a while, just run on the beach..." He thought back for a moment about dancing, "or brisk walking," he grinned. He leaned over to Winter and gave her a hug. "If I were you, I'd do nothing for a while, maybe read a book." She slapped him on the arm. Colin laughed. "One that you choose yourself. One that reminds you why you started working for a publisher in the first place."
"Oh well, maybe. But the evening is still young, so I'm going to forget about the week for a while."
"Are you sure? I wanted to take you home, but you have the police commissioner with you." He smiled at Luke. Then Colin looked at Bart. "I'm going to pay and ask Bart to give you another drink. You too Luke?"
"Yeah nice, thanks Colin.” He grinned.
"Then at least you're still thinking of me. When I ride my bike home through the cold. You're lucky to live nearby."
"That's true, but I'd trade it for that fantastic spot where you're living," Winter said.
"I don't believe it, you like it way too much to live in the center and close to this pub."
"Well..." They saw her thinking. "Yes, true!" laughed Winter.
"Guys, see you again." Colin hugged them both, raised his hand in farewell, and walked over to the bar. He passed the order on to Bart, who had received help in the meantime. With a little pain in his heart, he said, "Take your chance, man," and walked to the door, tying his scarf tightly around his neck and pulling his coat up to his chin. Now that it was dark, it would be even colder. Especially on a bike.
He unlocked his bike, pulled the rubber band out of his tail — which was suddenly irritating after a long day — causing his curly hair to fall down his face to just above his shoulders, massaged his scalp before putting on his gloves. Winter and he, he mused, were good friends who used each other to unload from time to time. They both had exciting jobs and no permanent relationship. He didn't really need it either. He saw his nephew and niece and his sister getting settled and that did something to him, but really wanting what they had... No, not yet.
Ever since he had seen Bart staring at Winter in a certain way, he had decided to let her go. After all, he wasn't in love with her, just good friends who happened to get along well in bed. He sighed. Very well get along in bed. And that kiss just now... He almost regretted his decision. Only now it was that he knew that Bart and Winter would get along well in all areas and he granted her that. Even though she didn't realize yet that Bart was good for her. It would be fun to see it happen, he grinned. Winter was quite tough and Bart strong enough to be her equal.
He cycled past the supermarket and looked at the church clock that was sticking out above everything. Just been seven o'clock, great, he would do his shopping now. He returned to the supermarket with a wide turn. He always had some bags in the box on the front of his bike and he could also store enough in the box itself, beer for example and a bottle of wine. Possibly a box on the back. Otherwise he would have to go home first or do it tomorrow, he didn't feel like it. His housekeeper had brought him fresh vegetables from the greenhouse in their allotment garden. Spinach and they had one last pointed cabbage. Hopefully the supermarket still had some bread and lettuce, shrimp, salmon, maybe some minced meat, organic of course, otherwise he would get a slap in his head from his cousin Lynn. And he needed something tasty for tonight. He parked his bike and darted into the store. That way he really had the day off tomorrow... He sighed in relief at the thought and was again aware that he was very tired. Grab what he needed and get home.
Once back home, he quickly threw in the fridge everything that needed to be. Opened a beer and mixed some nuts with peanuts and raisins in a bowl. It had to do for dinner. Tomorrow he would take more effort. He turned on the TV, zapped a bit, quickly went on when he came across hospital series, until he ended up with an action movie. He put his feet on the army chest that served as a coffee table and put his bottle to his lips. When, after fifteen minutes, he was startled by himself, because his head suddenly fell forward and he spilled beer, he put his still full bottle on the chest, dragged himself upstairs, could just muster the energy to take off his clothes and let himself fall face forward on the bed.
