Trapped

The deafening clang of the cell door's closure seemed to reach into the very core of my being, enveloping my soul in darkness and fear. I was violently pushed into this tiny, humid space that I was now to call home for the rest of my life. Did I cry? No. My tears had long since dried up, along with my damned soul that seemed to have left my body. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, only wishing death would soon find me to redeem my atonement.

I remained still for a while, trying to digest the reality of my situation. Then suddenly, I felt a slight movement on my left, which brought me out of my trance. When I looked, I saw a sweet-looking old lady with beaming eyes that gave away mixed feelings. Was she happy to see me? Was she excited to have company after perhaps too long of being alone? Neither of us talked, but our eyes were glued to one another. I don't know why, but I felt intimidated by this frail figure. I decided to stay quiet and sit on the bed on the other side of the room, not very far from her, as the whole space was smaller than my old bedroom.

My eyes kept flickering between the cell's contents and the old lady. There was a toilet in the middle of the cell, a small sink next to it, and two beds with no pillows or bedsheets, which reassembled more to tables than beds. Was I supposed to use the toilet in public view? Where was the toilet paper? I felt my heart racing while absorbing all this, which was to be my new reality. This can't be happening. This is only a nightmare, which will be over the moment I wake up.

I was startled by the loud buzzer that opened the bars of my cell, but I didn't even blink. I stayed on my bed and turned my eyes to look toward the old lady's bed, only to see she wasn't there. I had at some point fallen asleep without realizing it, but waking up didn't take away the nightmare after all.

"All out, hands up, face to the wall." I heard a deep male voice echoing in my cell's surroundings. I immediately got up and went outside, only to find the old woman being pushed by a huge man, telling her to move. I froze on my feet when he grimaced upon locking his eyes on mine. He abruptly rotated me to face the wall and sniffed my neck while body searching me. What are male guards doing in the women's wing?

"Mmm, you still smell fresh. Had I known we had such a sweet candy brought in last night, I would have tasted it during my shift. Next time, blondie, now move on!"

I wanted to rub his breath off my neck, but I was too scared to provoke him, so I had to endure the disgusting sensation until I was out of sight. My death wish quickly returned at the thought of him carrying out his threats. What awaited me in this sh*thole was surely terrifying and nauseating. I had to find my support group! That was the only advice Lisa gave me before I was taken away by the police officers after the trial.

Lisa was a former escort who was briefly arrested and spent some time in jail. She and I became friends when we met in the hospital, back when I was volunteering to teach the kids in the oncology ward. She managed to get her degree and become a nurse there. She was only planning to do the escort thing long enough to get her through college and then start living her "real life," according to what she told me.

I kept going straight, unaware of the direction I was supposed to follow. I soon enough found myself walking in line behind other women who were marching in perfect synchronisation, as if they were participating in a military parade. We soon enough reached an open-plan, huge room where there were already a few people sitting scattered at the many tables that were placed on one side of the room, having breakfast.

On the other side of the room, there were four rows of wooden chairs, but they were not freestanding. They were glued together, resembling the uncomfortable church benches that I used to hate so much as a child when my mom would force me to sit on them for hours every Sunday as a kid. They were all facing towards a TV that was locked in a cage placed high on the wall, nearly reaching the ceiling.

I felt completely lost and neither knew where to go to nor what to do. The only thing I knew I desperately wanted at this point, was the privacy of my own bathroom. My bladder was screaming for release, to the point where I thought I would wet myself any minute now. I looked around and found a guard who seemed less intimidating than the others, and I approached him to ask for the toilet. He started laughing at me and making fun of my request with his colleague.

"Hey Mike! Listen to this one. She wants to know where the toilets are." He said, bursting into laughter.

"Oh well, then what are you waiting for? Show the lady what she wants. Don't let her wait." He answered with irony.

He grabbed me by the arm violently, pushed, and dragged me for a while towards what I assumed by the smell, while approaching, was the toilets. He then pushed me forcefully into this toilet cubicle, which was only big enough for me to barely stand alone, but somehow managed to squiz himself in with me and shut the door behind him. My heart started pounding at the realisation of what was about to happen. But no, it can't be. He is an officer. He is only trying to intimidate me. Surely he won't go through this.

"I'll report you if you touch me." I said, in tears that I previously thought were forever dried out. I felt them rolling down my cheeks, burning my skin, while feeling him lower his pants since he was too close to me to be able to see anything else beyond his icy blue eyes that were inches away from mine. I hurriedly shut my eyes as if I were trying to mentally escape from the situation I found myself in.

....The limited space didn't allow him to be rough with me. He barely managed to penetrate me while I used all the strength I had left to prevent him by squizing my legs as tightly as I could. He used his callused hands to shut my mouth, chocking my screams. When he was done, he told me that now I could use the toilet, and he'd be waiting for me right outside. I sat there for so long that my legs became white from the luck of blood circulation. Obviously, at some point, he got tired of waiting for me and threatened that if I didn't come out at once, he'd be ready for a repetition. I cleaned his filthy liquids off me only using paper towels, afraid to ask for a shower. I quickly came out of the toilet and rushed in front of him.

I didn't believe in God, but at this point, I was so desperate that I prayed to him to take me. Although I knew it was in vain.