Ad Nausem

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Summary

A humorous account of maybe-but-maybe-not self-discovery of a bitter American living in N. Ireland, and how he comes to grips (sort of) with a mid-life crises caused by his own paranoia (probably). This isn’t a book. Or maybe it is. You tell me. Wikipedia defines a “book” as: “...a set of written, printed, illustrated, or blank sheets, made of ink, paper, parchment, or other materials, fastened together to hinge at one side. A single sheet within a book is a leaf, and each side of a leaf is a page.” So if your hands are holding a physical object that meets the above description, then congratulations are in order- for both of us. Me for writing it and getting it published in this lifetime and you for being a fucking genius with impeccable taste. But you might not be reading this in a traditional book form. How could I possibly know? Maybe you’re frying your eyeballs with an e-book, or listening to some awesome famous-for-nothing celebrity reading my words FO-NET-ICK-LY through your car speakers or shitty over-priced earphones (c’mon, admit it. They’re not that great) in a seductive voice that makes you tickly and moist. Or, maybe it’s the distant future when you’re reading this and people are permanently plugged into the matrix (or what wherever?) and you’ve loaded this directly into your brain (which I’ve just now discovered is slang for “blowjob” as in...

Genre
Humor/Other
Author
Wayne
Status
Ongoing
Chapters
112
Rating
n/a 1 review
Age Rating
18+

Untitled chapter


Try and remember this: It ain’t about inspiration. It’s about going into a room alone and doing it.

-William Goldman


Imagine a string of Christmas lights.

This string can assume an infinite amount of spontaneous configurations. It can be a straight line, the ends can cross over the middle, or the string can be wrapped around itself in any number of variations.

Statistically speaking, the number of configurations resulting in the string tying itself into a knot along points of contact far outweigh the chances of the string remaining tangle free. If the string is exposed to motion- such as being put in a box and packed away in the attic- the odds of the string remaining knotless reduce astronomically.

Therefore, we can conclude that the string naturally tends toward greater knottiness.

And once a knot has formed, it is unlikely to come undone.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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