Too much -Yoonjin

Min Yoongi often wondered how damn in love he had to be to accept such an unfair deal with himself. Almost two years, two damn years where he settled for thirty minutes of wet kisses and desperate caresses that culminated in the fleeting ecstasy of an orgasm; moments later, all he would feel was the great emptiness in his being the instant Jin decided to get up and return once again to reality, leaving him between the cold sheets with his soul a little broken.

"We'll see each other in the morning, rest."

Those were the words with which the older used to say goodbye: monotonous and routine, but always causing so much pain. Each farewell was nothing more than a way to keep digging a hole deeper and wider in his heart, a hole that he couldn't soothe with anything other than Kim Seokjin. Fuck, he desperately longed to find another solution or, to be more precise, someone else who could love him for hours, days, weeks, months, years—forever—because that was how he wanted to be loved.

Loved by him.

He had tried several times, pushing his limits, attending parties and gatherings in search of that spark, that fervent emotion that would rescue him from his lamentable reality. Begging for that caress that would bring him to his knees and that could finally push him to say those words that would free him from so much sadness. He didn't succeed, no matter how hard he tried; he couldn't find anything in the unfamiliar faces, let alone in their touch and, therefore, in their words, because in the end, his mind always returned to one person, one damn person.

Pathetic —he thought to himself.

Once again, he tossed and turned in his bed, unable to find himself. He was sure he had been trying to fall asleep for about two hours, but his mind didn't seem to want to leave him alone on this particular night, bringing back the same thoughts about Jin over and over again. Finally, he chose to get up and head to the kitchen, where he poured himself some whiskey.

He grimaced after the first swallow, the liquid like fire in his throat. The second offered no reprieve, leaving a bitterness that coated his tongue and settled heavy in his gut. He continued, each attempt futile, until a sense of disorientation crept in. Unable to face the swirling emptiness within, he pushed himself from the chair, drawn to the beckoning darkness of the balcony. The cool night air promised solace, a chance to escape the suffocating confines of his thoughts.

The icy air whipped against his arms, sending shivers dancing down his spine. He braced against the railing, watching the city sprawl beneath him like a tapestry woven from twinkling lights and silent shadows. Somewhere out there, in that labyrinth of concrete and glass, did another soul grapple with the same darkness? Did another heart twist in the grip of a forbidden yearning? The numbers seemed meaningless, lost in the immensity of the urban sprawl, could be a hundred, a thounsand, just a few. Yet, the thought clung to him, a fragile lifeline in the tempest raging within. He closed his eyes, picturing those unseen strangers, each battling. Silently, he wished them a sanctuary that would bring them tranquility, the purest and most healing tranquility in the hurricane of emotions that enveloped them.

The question coiled in Yoongi's mind: did Jin carry the same ache he did? But the answer hung heavy in his heart, a familiar weight he'd carried for years. No, Jin's pain was a different thing, born from unspoken dreams and unrequited desires. Yoongi had walked that path once, his yearning for something that would never be his. Now, witnessing Jin's silent struggle for Taehyung felt both alien and intimately familiar, a reflection he barely recognized. The sting of a love unvoiced, the cruel comfort of friendship when all you craved was something more, the suffocating knowledge that the future you envisioned existed only in the shadows of what could never be.

Jin's suffering was devastating, burning, and bitter, as Yoongi had seen him cry too many nights while clinging to him after drinking shot after shot, asking incessantly: Why? Why couldn't Taehyung feel the same? Why couldn't he love him if they had been through so much together? Why didn't he look at him with the same eyes if he had been there in every moment? What was he lacking? What was he excess of? What did he need?

And Yoongi couldn't give him an answer because he didn't understand either, and he wasn't Tae. Even if he tried, he would be speaking from his perspective, from the eyes of someone who did love him. That's why it also hurt to see how the older's heart broke every time Tae mentioned his girlfriend, and it was always him who consoled him in the shadows, accompanying him on those days when everything became darker, hugging him until he could feel the tension leave his arms and the sobs diminish. It was he who wiped away the tears and helped him pull himself together. It was he who took him to his apartment and stayed until the next day to ensure that Jin took care of himself.

Yoongi was always there.

Perhaps that's why Jin turned to him that early morning.

He doesn't remember much about what happened before in the club, how much they danced, or drank. He doesn't even know how they managed to get to his apartment, nor the conversation that led them to have sex, but what he does remember vividly are the words that started it all.

"<<Make me forget him for the tonight.>>"

After that, he knows that Jin was the first to kiss him slowly, with a tenderness that Yoongi wouldn't believe he could ever forget. He tried to respond in the same way, with affection and trying to express what he had held back for so many years. However, he soon felt that it would start to overflow, especially when he felt Jin's tongue caressing his lower lip. He groaned at the action and followed suit, moving to invade his mouth with care, drawing out moans that contrasted with his sighs. He gripped the boy's waist and traced his silhouette, wanting to etch the figure under his fingers, wishing he could touch him for as long as possible because he knew that after that night, it wouldn't happen again. Although he wasn't sure that there wouldn't be a day when he wouldn't remember.

"Let's go to the bedroom," Jin whispered after pulling away and looking into his eyes.

Yoongi nodded, and with a hand on the boy's lower back, he guided him. They didn't turn on the lights because the city's glow through the large windows was enough at that moment. And, if he was honest, everything felt more comforting, more intimate in the darkness, and the fear that everything would end faded away.

"Are you sure?" he asked when they both reached the bed, and Jin lay down with his legs open, inviting him to settle between them.

"I am. Come here."

And he did. They reunited their lips, this time faster, more agitated, and desperate. His hands slipped under Jin's shirt to take it off, allowing him to observe the man's pale skin. He licked his lips and began to trace a path of wet kisses from the jaw to the neck, where he started to lick and bite gently, leaving red marks that he hoped wouldn't fade quickly. Yoongi yearned for Jin to remember that night like no other.

"We're not on equal terms, ah! C-conditions."

Yoongi looked at him with lust, "Undress me, Seokjin."

Jin quickly pushed him away to do it, but once he didn't have his shirt, he didn't stop. He made him sit and soon was unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down his boxers, exposing his semi-erect member. Yoongi averted his gaze, suddenly feeling shy. "Look at me."

The younger almost choked when, looking back at the boy, he took his dick and licked from the tip to the base, returning to the beginning and taking as much of the member into his mouth as he could.

"SeokJin," he moaned as he reached its limit. His body trembled with each movement, and he couldn't help but release needy moans when the older's thick lips embraced the head of his penis while, what he couldn't take, he caressed at the same pace with his hands. Seokjin hollowed his cheeks and sucked for a couple more minutes until his jaw hurt, so he withdrew slowly, leaving a thread of saliva at the end.

"Can you continue?" he asked mockingly at the sight.

"Can you?"

"Huh?"

Yoongi smiled slightly and slowly made him lie down again, then unbuttoned his pants and took them off at the same time as his boxers, leaving him completely naked. Seconds later, the man separated, and he heard him rummaging in the nightstand for something he assumed was lubricant. And, before he knew it, his legs were forcefully spread, and he felt a finger slowly making its way inside him.

"Fuck," he moaned, gripping the blankets. The burning sensation invaded the area, and he tried to close his legs again, but Yoongi's hand prevented him.

"It'll pass."

The finger continued to open its way, accompanied by soft kisses and bites on the inner part of his thighs. A few seconds later, he felt another intrusion that made him contract around it. The movement was gentle, and he gradually began to relax until he touched a particular point that elicited another moan. "There!"

He felt like he was unraveling between Yoongi's fingers. The heat began to focus on the lower part of his abdomen, and his hips moved against them with constant stimulation. His legs trembled, and his breath became more uneven.

"Yoongi, please," he moaned, "You can do it now," he whispered.

He nodded and positioned himself so that the boy's knees were on his shoulders, their faces close enough to observe every detail when he started to penetrate him. "You're very flexible."

Jin groaned, "Just put it in—Oh!" His body trembled for several seconds when Yoongi began to enter him slowly until he penetrated him completely, taking his breath away for a moment. "T-too deep."

"Do you want me to pull out?" he asked with his voice evidently affected.

Shaking his head, "G-give me a few minutes." The younger leaned in to kiss him, making him feel a bit deeper, causing the boy's walls to tighten around him. "Ngh." He moaned between his lips. Seconds later, Yoongi's hand wrapped around his member to start masturbating him, making him dig his nails into his back and bite his lower lip, eliciting a slight groan. They stayed that way for a while until he signaled that he could move, then he felt the man withdraw slowly and thrust back into him, making him scream. "Slower," he pleaded in between uneven breaths.

"Sorry."

And that's how the rocking motion began to consume them. Their skins collided, generating obscene sounds that filled the room and probably the rest of the place. Yoongi's hands settled on his hips to stop him from moving, indicating that he wanted to take control, and Jin simply let him; surrendering to the caresses and constant thrusts that pushed him against the bed headboard, forcing him to hold onto the man's shoulders. Soon, all that was on their minds was reaching orgasm, chasing it with a faster, stronger, and more disorderly rhythm. Yoongi took the back of one of his knees to lower it and change the angle, not neglecting the thrusts.

"Yoongi!" he moaned when he began to hit his prostate and, in addition, masturbated him at the same time. Everything was starting to be too much for both of them. The thrusts, the heat of Jin's inner walls, the pressure on their hips and both members led them to orgasm; Jin spilling between their abdomens and Yoongi inside him with a guttural moan.

After that, he only knew that they both cleaned up and slept exhausted in each other's arms. The conversation the next morning was undoubtedly awkward, but they agreed that no one should find out, and it couldn't happen again, something they clearly couldn't keep.

Once again, everything came back to his mind; when they were together, sharing a hotel room, the kisses behind the stage, the times they seemed like teenagers unable to satisfy their desire, always seeking more from each other, consuming themselves. The discreet glances, the "accidental" touches, the marks they left on each other. All those months where lust was all he knew, now took a toll on his afflicted heart, begging for a little love, some gesture that showed a bit of affection and compassion. Was it too much to ask?

Perhaps.

After all, both had chosen to be friends with benefits only if neither of them had any feelings; otherwise, it would be best to end everything at that moment, and Yoongi couldn't tell the truth. He couldn't because that would imply losing what little he had. Losing what kept his soul warm. A soul that now belonged to Jin, even when he didn't realize it and hurt it.

[...]

In the end, he couldn't manage to fall asleep, and when he noticed the sun beginning to paint the sky with warm colors, he gave up, resigning himself to the fact that he would need several cups of coffee to get through the day in the studio.

He checked the time on his phone.

7:45 AM

He had about an hour and a half to get ready, so he entered the bathroom, hoping that the hot water would relax him, only coming out when he felt renewed energy. He went through his entire routine and headed to the kitchen to have his first strong coffee of the day. However, the sound of the doorbell interrupted him. Approaching to see who it was, he felt his heart squeeze.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he opened the door.

"You could greet me, you know? A 'How's it going, hyung?' or 'Haven't seen you in a while, how are things?' or 'Are you okay?'"

Yoongi huffed as he stepped aside to let the older one in. "Yeah, whatever, but usually, I'm the one who goes to your apartment. Besides, you have the code, why didn't you just let yourself in?"

"You just answered yourself; you're usually the one who goes, so I didn't want to risk you thinking I was an intruder and throwing whatever you had in your hand at me when I entered." Jin glanced toward the kitchen. "Are you preparing breakfast?"

"I was really just going to have a cup of coffee, that's it."

The man looked at him disapprovingly. "Your body needs more than that to function well. But, luckily for you, I've come so that we can spend the day together."

"Huh?"

"I know you've been working hard to release your next album, and since I'm your hyung and I know you, I have the feeling that the only thing you've been doing these days is eating, bathing, and going to the studio, right?"

And indeed, that was the only thing Yoongi had been doing for the past few weeks. However, it was worth mentioning that if he was immersed in that routine, it was because nothing seemed to be working. Every time he heard a beat, it felt off-timed, the lyrics seemed repetitive, he couldn't find a clear idea of how he wanted things to sound, among other stuff that increasingly frustrated him.

"Something like that," he replied simply.

"That's why I came to give you a day off. I'll take care of you, and by the end of the day, you'll feel like new."

He considered arguing because he didn't feel like it was a great idea, especially when he should have finished two songs three weeks ago, and taking a day off would only set him back further. However, Jin knew him too well. "You won't achieve anything by forcing yourself to do it, and you know it. I know that working under pressure can be an incentive for you, but doing it frequently will only wear you out, and judging by your dark circles, I infer that it's already happening," he declared.

Yoongi sighed, leaning against the countertop. "I couldn't sleep all night."

"See? Just rest for today, at least."

He fell silent for a few seconds as he scanned Jin with his eyes.

They hadn't seen each other in, perhaps, a month; only exchanged a couple of messages. Despite being just five minutes away from each other, they didn't visit because both were busy with their own projects, so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.

"All right, what's your plan?"

Jin smiled, left his coat on the furniture, and went into the kitchen to check what was in the pantry. "Initially, I was going to suggest spending most of the day outside, you know, get some sun and all that. But since you haven't slept at all, I guess we can cook and watch series, or whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?"

"That doesn't involve work," he clarified while taking out a bowl. "How about pancakes?"

"Do whatever you want. I'll go change, and I'll be back to help you."

"Okay, don't take too long."

[...]

The sky had already darkened when they decided to open a bottle of soju and sit on the couch to talk for a while. Jin had his head resting on Yoongi's shoulder as he babbled about military service and how he felt a bit scared about being away for so long.

"I know ARMY is always there, but it's because we've been consistent for so many years, giving them something all the time. What if they lose interest when we come back?" he said with a hurtful tone, then took another sip.

"That won't happen. I think you're underestimating them," Yoongi replied, placing his hand on Jin's thigh, caressing it, trying to show comfort.

"Maybe, but... I'm just scared, really scared that they'll forget me. Even you guys."

Yoongi grunted. "It will never happen, hyung. It's practically impossible for us to forget you, and as far as I'm concerned, it would be a bit difficult for me to do so."

The older one laughed. "That's just because we have sex regularly."

"Of course not," he exclaimed with some annoyance. "Our relationship is more than that. Isn't it for you?"

A feeling of irritation began to settle in his chest. Unbeknownst to him, a single tear ran down his cheek because it couldn't be possible that for Jin, their bond was only about sex, right? They were more than that; they had to be more than that. So many years, so many words, so many shared experiences didn't boil down to their current relationship because there was a connection between them, wasn't there? Jin had said it once; he still remembered it vividly.

<<"Recently, we seem like soulmates."

"In what sense?"

"If we were on a trip, driving for four hours, we would talk non-stop."

"We're quite compatible.">>

It was vague, but he could still recall those words and how they made him feel—so warm and happy that night all he could think about was the certainty with which Jin had declared such a thing.

Were they still like that, right?

"Hey," he felt Jin's hands on his face, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that we were only that. I was just joking. You're one of the best people I know, my soulmate, remember? You're very important to me, Yoongi-ah."

"You're important to me too, Jin-ah."

More than you can imagine.

[...]

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