Talking to You

I had to discard a few clothes. You probably don't remember, but a few of them were memories of you.

Remember the red top I wore in 2014 to our Annual Day? That one. I put it away.

The white and blue top that I wore to our final dance practice? Just the day before the Annual Day? That one. Everybody complimented me on it.

Funny how I remember all these little details. I used to have the idea of having an amazing memory. Turns out it's not like that. I just have an average memory, only extraordinary when it comes to you. I still remember every single date of every single day we met.

How are you?

Football? You're still continuing, right? Don't leave it so early.

I know you're doing amazing. Sometimes I'm envious of how happy you are without me. Someday I'll be, too, won't I? I just don't want to be happy without you. Not yet.

Well, remember I sent you the song "I'm Jealous of the Way You're Happy Without Me"? Well, maybe not this title exactly, but you get it.

I had to discard that red watch of mine. It was broken, and mom has been fed up with me stocking up stuff. But they're not useless. They're the only ones that stay. You left, everyone did. They stayed. But now I've got no choice except throwing them away. I held them for so long. It's exhausting trying to hold onto and keep on giving reasons to everyone to let me keep the "things". I don't want to fight anymore. When people didn't stay, it was wrong of me to think that things would.

It was hard. I thought of just throwing away one. Slowly, it piled up to ten. It was anger, frustration, helplessness, everything. It was nothing.

Tomorrow when they'll be finally out of the house, I'll probably breathe normally again. As John Green said, "It's so hard to leave until you leave. Then it's the easiest thing in the world."

I wish I could talk to you. Like I did while having to throw away the watch. But I'm just speaking to you.

We're both a bit weird, a bit crazy, a lot similar, and a tiny bit of an enemy.

I know you understood me more than anyone else. And you would. Even though most of the time we ended up arguing, I can never talk to anyone else like I did with you.

I've got so so so many things to tell you. We're talking after so long. But let's talk tomorrow. Because if I tell you everything today, you'll have nothing new for tomorrow. I want you for a little longer this time. I want to stay. I don't want to remember, "I really loved you. I just couldn't stay."

Stay. Please. Let's talk a little. Let's talk a little tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. I will, because you're not here.

Sleep well

Good night

Bye bye