PRINCE OF PRIDE

JASMINE

Sometimes you can have it all, have everything that you’ve ever dreamed of, but still lack that one thing that makes your heartbeat. You can have all the money, the designer clothes, the expensive jewelry and perfumes. Go everywhere you want but still be denied that one thing your heart truly desires. And I have been without that one thing for two years now.

“When are you getting married?” I sighed, cutting a slice of my steak and popping it into my mouth, and started chewing. I was doing all this to give myself some time to think about what my mother was saying. I watched her in her custom-made suit that complemented the planes of her body perfectly. An epitome of beauty. Her brown straight hair pulled in an elegant ponytail that was sure to cause a headache, her red lipstick a darker shade. Pearl Williams looked like someone in her thirties, not her late fifties.

“Soon,” I said.

“I have been hearing the same old story for a decade now,” she appraised me with her eyes, her lips thinning. My mother had no idea that Cameron and I were married, and I wanted to keep it to myself. If she ever finds out that her daughter eloped and got married in Vegas when she was eighteen, she was bound to collapse and die. I was supposed to be the perfect daughter, not someone who goes to Vegas to secretly get married.

“We’re drifting apart.” I decided to go with honesty, even though I knew it wasn’t going to end well for me.

“And whose fault, is it?”

“What am I supposed to do when he won’t even stop to talk to me?” Like this morning, I tried to make small talk during breakfast and all I got were grunts and a brief kiss on the forehead before he walked out of the door, and I was convinced I wasn’t going to see him until tomorrow.

“That means you’re not trying hard enough.”

“I think it’s time I should just…”

“Don’t you dare. His family name is what keeps us elevated in society. If we lose that, we will fade into nothingness.”

“I’ve a plan,” I said. Her lips thinned, anger swirling in her eyes. I should be glad we were in public, where she couldn’t unleash her anger on me.

“I don’t care about that, Jasmine. You will stay with him. Imagine the humiliation we would face if you two split up and we lose everything that he provides to us. We need him and you know it.”

“This might actually work. Just hear me out.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I won’t put our status and reputation in jeopardy over a ridiculous fantasy you had when you were a little child. Do whatever it takes to marry him. You can even add a child to it, to trap him better, but don’t do anything stupid.” That was classic Pearl Williams. All she cared about was her position in society and the money and, to her, Cameron was the perfect pawn.

“I can’t do that when our relationship isn’t working. As I said…”

“Please Jasmine, stop this. Do what I told you to, fix your relationship no matter what. We worked so hard for this to lose it now.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she silenced me, raising her hand in the air and shaking her head. To her, my feelings were nothing. I was her weapon and in the past, when I refused to do what she told me, she always went on a rampage, reminding me of all the things she’s done in my life. Reminding me of the things she sacrificed for me, which wasn’t much. She got to her feet, gave me a look that suggested that if I didn’t follow her words, I was going to pay for it.

I watched her walk out of the fancy restaurant and sighed again. I was 33 years old, but even after all these years, my mother still managed to make me feel so small. She always wasn’t like this but when my father died, she changed. More precisely, when we lost everything because of my father’s pile of debts, she changed and for the worst. Determined to keep her status in society, she made me trap Cameron. I was sixteen at that time. I played the role of the victim so well. Whenever I told him we were going through financial straits, he helped instantly. He would ask his father for help or use his own money to help us. Guilt would eat at me, but I would always tell myself it was necessary.

It came a time when I wanted to quit and that just led to an argument with my mother. Cameron was so easy to trick. He absorbed everything I said back then, like a sponge would water. I used my charm and beauty against him and, just like my mother had predicted, it worked. I dropped my knife and folk onto the plate and watched the city through the windows.

For years, things were perfect in my and Cameron’s relationship, but for two years now, he grew distant. I don’t know why, but he just did. And for two years I tried to fix the relationship, and I failed every time. With each passing day, he became a man I couldn’t recognize anymore. When he looked at me, sometimes I had this troubling sense that he hated me. He stopped smiling, the gleam in his eyes died. I could even say he became so cold now.

When I tried to talk to him, all he did was shut me out. He was never present at dinner like before. I usually went to bed alone and when I woke up, he was gone. He didn’t even touch me anymore, he just drifted away, and I didn’t know why.

Our relationship might have started as a twisted agenda, but somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him. Cameron was everything I could ask for in a partner. Charming, caring, considerate and so much more, yet here I was wishing I could turn back time to the good old days.

Sometimes it felt like this was the universe’s twisted way to make me pay for what I did. I might love him with all my might, but that will never change the fact that from the beginning, everything I did or said to him was a lie. It was all planned by me and my mother.

I walked out of the restaurant. Life outside was vibrant. The sun shining bright in the sky, noise filling the air, but all this failed to elevate my mood. I wanted to tell Cameron about everything, but I knew that the knowledge would destroy everything. However, sometimes I liked to believe that our love for each other would bring us back together again.