Chapter 1
Chapter One: Pre Covid Wedding Rewind
Jason tried to unobtrusively spit sand out of his mouth, as Diego and Nate kissed for the first time as a married couple.
“Stop fidgeting,” Kyle frowned, annoyed, while everyone clapped and cheered.
“I hate the beach,” Jason whined softly.
They stood up, clapping with everyone else, as Diego and Nate walked down the aisle between the chairs, carefully set on the gritty sand.
It was a cold, February afternoon. Valentine’s Day. But way warmer here, in Santa Cruz, than back home in Seattle. These days Jason scuttled from his heated car to their heated home in Issaquah, just east of Seattle across Lake Washington. It was frosty and occasionally snowy, so an overcast day in California, in the high fifties, was still practically end of summer weather where he lived now.
Cameron walked behind the couple, and Jason and Kyle both waved. Cameron grinned, waving rapidly, but before they could step out to join him, the smaller man was swarmed by three preteens, and his own husband. Together they walked up the beach to the parking lot, as the event stagers started folding up chairs.
“You’ll get to talk to him later at the reception,” Kyle snorted at the look of disappointment on Jason’s face.
“I know. It’s fine. Let’s get going.”
=
The reception this evening was being held at an air bnb that the Freemans had rented, just next to the beach. The two men approached the huge house, holding hands, Kyle smiling up at his husband.
“Fancy,” he murmured and Jason had to agree. His own parents were fairly well to do in Seattle, and so were Kyle’s out in North Bend, but the Freeman’s were in a class all their own.
It was practically a mansion, with lights blazing from every window, as the sun slowly set over the ocean. Nate and Diego, their parents, and Cameron were in a receiving line by the front door. Jason picked up the pace, wishing the people in front of him would stop bothering Cameron so he could speak to him.
Finally he and Kyle made it to the members of the wedding party.
“I’m so glad you got the time off!” Cameron huggled Kyle. “I was worried you guys weren’t going to make it. What a night, right?” He gestured into the home, where there were people with champagne glasses in hand.
He and Kyle made small talk for a second, while Jason tapped his foot, impatient. Finally, Kyle moved forwards to speak to Nate and Diego, their camping buddies of old, and Jason finally got his turn.
“Hi Jason,” Cameron said warmly, reaching up, Jason immediately bent down to fold Cameron into his arms. He squeezed a little tighter than was probably acceptable, but Cameron squeezed back just as tighty, then lifted his face to smile up at his friend.
“Back off, Jefferies!” Diego snickered, moving down the line to rescue Cameron from his former math teacher. “Hands off my best man.” He literally pulled Cameron out of Jason’s arms, putting his tuxedo coated arm around the smaller man, holding him closer to his own body.
“Our best man,” Nate said, shuffling his parents out of the way in order to loom on the other side of Cameron, gently pushing Jason back with a finger, all in good fun. “Not yours.” To Jason. “Ours.”
“Don’t listen to these cavemen, Jason,” Cameron teased, pinching the newlyweds simultaneously. “I can hug whoever I want, dorks.”
Ryan appeared suddenly, putting his arm around his husband’s waist, moving him subtly away. Nate and Diego stuck their tongue out at the older man, and went back to their spots in the line, knowing that Cameron was in good hands.
Jason smiled awkwardly, as Cameron shrugged, letting Ryan guide him further into the house. “Have a good night!” Cameron called over his shoulder.
=
Jason leaned against a wall, watching the party as it got later in the evening. The tweens were sent upstairs to sleep in one of the many rooms, so the rest of the guests started to celebrate a little more, and the champagne flowed pretty freely.
Maybe about a hundred guests, or so wandered the bottom floor, in the living room, kitchen, outside on the deck overlooking the ocean. People from Nate and Diego’s work. A few of their high school friends. Jason listened to a few kids from his first teaching job, now grown ass adults in their mid twenties, reminisce drunkenly about the good ole days. Jason tried not to say too much. Even now, almost ten years later, he was uncomfortable; unsure if they knew why he left the school before Christmas. Because he was caught dating an underage student.
Cameron looked so beautiful tonight. He’d changed from the tuxedo, and was wearing a pair of off white cargo pants and a light blue sweater. No shoes. Just white socks. His hair loose and over his shoulder. Comfy and casual. But the light hit him just perfectly.
Jason sighed. And took another small sip of champagne.
He looked around but Kyle was nowhere in sight. His husband was a true introvert, and he knew almost no one here. He probably found a place upstairs to read. He might even have already gone back to the car to just sit and wait the party out. Jason didn’t intend on staying past eleven. He pulled his cell from his pocket and checked the time. It was about ten now.
People were dancing haphazardly, eating in some pockets of the room. It was a mellow affair. No sit down dinner. Just tons of appetizers passed around by casually dressed servers. Mini sliders. Pollo asado on crispy wonton skins, spicy salmon sushi cones, deep fried mac and cheese balls the size of walnuts, fresh raw oysters, bacon wrapped dates, tempura vegetables… and more and more and more.
Lots of people seemed to be enjoying themselves. He saw Coach and Mike and Jess laughing uproariously over something on Coach’s phone. Saw Nate’s mom talking heatedly to Diego’s dad, her hand on his arm, squeezing as the stoic man listened as respectfully as possible. She’d possibly had one drink too many by the animated way she was speaking. Other people rocking out as much as they could at a house party that included the over sixty set.
But Jason was still on his first champagne flute. He remembered, fuzzily, how wasted he got at Cameron and Ryan’s pre wedding dinner, and had vowed, never again.
He felt a hand on his elbow, and Cameron smiled up at him. He was holding a plate of food.
“Come outside with me.”
Jason followed without any hesitation.
=
“Wow,” Cameron visibly shook himself. “It’s cold out here.”
Jason immediately stripped off his blazer and put it over the smaller man’s shoulders.
“Thanks. But aren’t you freezing?”
“It’s hardly cold to me, Cameron. What you got there?” He eyed the plate of food. “Are you sharing?”
“Of course, help yourself.”
Jason took a cone of nori, filled with tiny chunks of salmon in a wasabi based mayo sauce and dotted with bright orange tobiko. Popped it into his mouth.
“So good.”
“I know, right? Nate and Diego took us with them when they were looking for caterers. Diego’s mom was a little offended, but we wanted her to have fun tonight and not have to worry about the food.” Diego’s mom, Rosa Alvarez, still ran a small catering business. “I made sure we got good sushi,” Cameron grinned.
He sat on a low stone wall that bordered the backyard deck. Not too far away there were other guests enjoying the brisk night air and the sound of the waves slapping on the beach, but they were far enough away that the two men couldn’t quite make out any of the other conversations.
“Getting to be too much for you?” Jason asked, sitting down next to Cameron, kicking his heels against the stone wall. Cameron was a lot like Kyle. And Jason himself. Preferring a quiet evening to a loud party.
“A little. It’s not that bad.” His gray eyes were drawn into the floor to ceiling windows. Nate and Diego were sharing a slow dance. Their hands around each other. Nate occasionally kissed Diego’s neck. Jason was a little confused to see Cameron’s smile falter a little, then disappear as he stared out at the beach, nibbling on a mushroom stuffed pastry.
“Do you remember when you had sushi for the first time? That day, when we came here to Santa Cruz, before we saw that outdoor Romeo and Juilet?” Jason asked, trying to distract Cameron.
“I remember!” Cameron turned back to Jason, his eyes lighting up. “Oh my god!” He started to blush. “That’s right. I do remember that day.”
===
Cameron’s Senior Year of High School
The First Day of Thanksgiving Break
“What should we get?” Cameron asked nervously. “This is the first time I’ve ever been out to eat at a sushi restaurant. I’ve seen it on YouTube, but… Sorry. I’m such a dork.” He muttered under his breath, squinting his eyes as he reopened the menu for the third time.
Jason rubbed his foot up and down Cameron’s calf. “Stop with that crap. It’s fine, Cameron. Everything is good. But I can order for us if you’d like.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” the younger boy said, relieved. “Then I can just complain and it’ll be your fault if I don’t like something!’
“Ha. Ha. You’re going to like it, I know you will.”
=
The dinner was delicious. Cameron did love everything. Jason was glad. It was getting easier. He already knew a lot of Cameron’s preferences. Knew he’d want the shrimp and vegetable tempura, but snagged the asparagus himself, because Cameron hated it. Knew Cameron would want to try a spider roll and that he’d love the tamago nigiri. And he did.
Jason loved feeding Cameron from his own chopsticks. Loved how Cameron’s lips looked as they closed around the sticks, sliding down until all the food was in his mouth, eyes twinkling at his date.
Loved the ecstatic look on Cameron’s face, tasting something he’d always dreamed about eating. Loved how Cameron stood, dinner over, stretching slightly. Loved how Cameron immediately held his hand as they walked outside, strolling past the closed shops, quietly talking about what they’d buy if they were millionaires.
And really, truly loved how they ended up on the sand, watching the ocean as the sun set.
“The play starts in about an hour and half,” Jason warned. “We need to leave here in about forty five minutes, Cameron. Don’t get too cozy.”
“I’ll get as cozy as I want. You’re not the boss of me.” Cameron pushed Jason a little, so he could sit on the soft sand in between the older man’s legs, his back to Jason’s chest. Pulling Jason’s arms around him. Jason nuzzled into Cameron’s hair, moving it aside so he could kiss behind Cameron’s ear.
Wondering if this was the boy he was going to marry. If they’d remember this night forever. Everything about Cameron made him happy. They had practically everything in common. And he knew he made Cameron happy too.
If only he wasn’t Cameron’s teacher.
But he’d already thought about that. And knew one way to solve it. He had his resignation letter sitting in his Drive documents.
They sat for a while, listening to the surf, and the car horns in the distance. Cameron played with Jason’s fingers, rubbing them lightly, pushing on each fingernails, rubbing his thumb into Jason’s palm. The older man tried to just relax into the moment, but things were getting a little harder than he intended.
“PG 13, Cameron,” Jason reminded his date, his voice cracking unexpectedly. They’d agreed to keeping things low key until Cameron turned eighteen. Just a few days away.
“You’re such a math teacher,” Cameron snorted. “I have no idea why a number is so important to you. It’s not important to me, Jason. You’re only five years older than me. It’s not a big deal.”
He turned around, and crawled so he was sitting in Jason’s lap.
“Kissing is okay, right, Mr. By the Numbers?”
“Yes,” Jason said, but couldn’t say anything else because Cameron’s mouth pressed down on his lips, silencing him.
“God, you taste good,” Cameron muttered, slipping his tongue into Jason’s mouth, finding a friend to play with inside the wet cave. “Mmmmmmmm…” Cameron’s hips rocked into Jason. “Feels good?”
“Cameron…..” Jason warned.
“It does, right? It feels good? Touch me, Jason. Please?” He kissed up the other man’s jaw, sucking hard right under his ear, tongue flicking inside it, causing goosebumps to erupt over Jason’s arms. “Touch my ass, okay?” He whispered the last, his breath hot.
“Damn. Fuck. Oh my god. Cameron..” But his hands found themselves in the location his date requested, squeezing hard, wishing it was three days from now and he could reach inside Cameron’s pants instead of resting outside on the cloth. “You are going to pay for this on Friday, you little shit.”
“What, Jason?” Cameron ground harder on his teacher’s lap. “What are you going to do to me? Tell me. Tell me everything you’ll do to me when I’m eighteen.” His fingers trailed up the back of Jason’s shirt. Letting his date suck a huge mark on his neck. “Mmmmm, don’t stop, Jason.”
The blonde man whispered into Cameron’s ear, a laundry list of sexual positions and activities, while Cameron kept rocking up and down, breathing noisily through his mouth, whining as his own dick dripped inside his pants.
“You’re making me wet, Jason.” Cameron whispered. “Sure you want to wait? You can touch me. I want you to touch me.” He slid his hand between them, resting on Jason’s center. The blonde man groaned, touching Cameron in the same spot for an instant before he pushed Cameron off of him, and stood up. He walked stiffly (ha!) up and down the beach for almost ten minutes, his hands in his hair. Cameron sat on the sand, trying to collect himself.
Eventually Jason sat down next to Cameron, keeping a good amount of space between them.
“You know I don’t want to stop, right?” Jason said, staring at Cameron seriously. “I don’t. But it’s just a few days, Cameron.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Cameron dug his fingers into the sand, his face crimson red. “I keep pushing you to do things you don’t want to do. I just get…” He shrugged, and smiled, embarrassed. “I get carried away. I like you Jason.”
“I like you too. A lot. Probably more than I should, Cameron.” He stood up and held out his hand, helping Cameron to his feet. “Come on, we should get to the play.”
They meandered towards the parking lot. Holding hands.
“We have all the time in the world, Cameron,” Jason smiled, squeezing his date’s hand.
Not realizing that he would look back on this moment and rue his words for months and years to come.
===
“God I was such a slut!” Cameron giggled.
“You were not! You were just…” Jason laughed.
“Super horny? A man with a plan? In need of a steed?”
Jason snorted.
“But I’m glad we didn’t, Jason. I can’t imagine what would have happened to you if we said we’d had sex. You… you were so right. I’m so sorry. I came so close to ruining your life.” Cameron kissed Jason’s hand. “I was a selfish idiot. I’m sorry.”
“I never once thought of you that way, Cameron,” Jason said quietly, kissing Cameron’s fingers.
The shorter man slowly drew away and stood up. “Regardless of that, I’m glad we never crossed the line. Because who knows what would have happened between us. We would never have gotten together with our own husbands.”
Ryan approached them, and Cameron moved towards him like a moth to a flame. “Make sure you find me before you leave, Jason.”
Then he was gone.
Jason sat on the wall watching the stars come out as the clouds slowly drifted across the night sky. It was ten years. Ten years since they were together. But he couldn’t stop thinking about him. It didn’t matter that he was married. That Cameron was clearly married to the man of his dreams.
Jason just sat there.
Wondering if he’d ever let go of this boy.
This beautiful, special boy.
=
Jason closed the upstairs door quietly, and walked on unstead feet back downstairs. He said a very quick goodbye to Nate and Diego, a little longer goodbye to Cameron, then went outside, hands in his pockets. Thinking very very seriously about what he’d just seen.
He sat in the car, waiting.
Eventually Kyle opened the passenger door and sat gingerly in the seat next to him. His face red and his eyes unfocused with too much champagne.
“Ready?” Jason asked.
“Mmm, hmmm. Yup. Let’s go.” Kyle’s words were a little blurred, a little disconnected.
=
At the hotel, after showering, Jason lay next to his husband on the uncomfortable bed. Kyle turned over and immediately went to sleep.
=
In the morning, Jason woke up to see Kyle sitting with his back against the headboard, troubled.
“Umm, we need to talk.”
“Okay,” Jason sat up, his hands on his knees, the blanket pushed up to his waist.
“Something happened last night.” He looked at Jason, frowning. “I was talking to one of Nate’s cousins. His name was Sten, I think, from Sweden. Older than us, he’s a psychiatrist. So many cool stories. He’s crazy smart. Did you see him? You really couldn’t miss him.”
Jason answered evenly. “Super tall, very blonde. Icy blue eyes?”
“Yeah. That’s him.” Kyle turned to his husband. “Jason. I think, I think I had sex with him last night. I think I probably drank too much.”
“Yeah. I saw. Unfortunately. I went looking for you.” Again, still calm.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Kyle said, biting his lip, anxiously looking at Jason. “I know I promised. I had no intention of sleeping with anyone here. I really didn’t.”
Jason shrugged.
He’d married Kyle, an old childhood friend, a librarian, when he moved back to Seattle after everything blew up with Cameron. It was love at first sight practically. Although in the last few years, Nate repeatedly brought up the fact that Kyle was a dead ringer for Jason’s former student. Something he’d honestly never realized until the curly blonde boy mentioned it.
Kyle even acted a lot like Cameron. They both liked to read. Both loved Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Both were quiet and somewhat shy.
But Nate wouldn’t know, because Jason would certainly never tell him, but Kyle was a serial cheater, having an affair three times already with different people during their eight year marriage. And he always felt remorse. Always promised he’d never do it again. But always broke that promise.
They’d talked, and eventually decided to just open their marriage to dating other people, while still staying together. Jason still cared about Kyle, and Kyle still loved Jason. He just enjoyed having sex once in a while with someone new. Jason too, halfheartedly took part in a few random hookups, just to see if it was really all that awesome. But for him, it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
=
Jason: Hey, we’re heading to the airport. I’ll talk to you soon.
Cameron: Have a safe flight! Text me when you get home.
Jason: Will do.
=
The blonde man, in his early thirties, sat by his husband on the plane back to Seattle. His face was serious, and thoughtful as he stared out the window.
Thinking back to his time with Cameron. They were only together for a few weeks. A blip in his life. Barely anything.
And for the millionth time, he wondered how he could have let that beautiful boy slip through his fingers.
===
Author’s Note: Aaaaaaaannnnnd…do you hate me? Hahhahahahahhaha! I love Jason so sorry, not sorry. He’s back. And a main character in this book. We’ll get to Manny and his mystery man. I promise. Just wait and see.
