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I don’t know how to ask for help anymore I have needed for so so long and even last time I got help I didn’t want it I didn’t want to change cutting myself made me happy if I was sad a cut and I’m happy tired? Then I’d just cut myself then I’m full of energy I don’t know how to say this anymore but I’m fine I don’t need help I don’t want it I can stop myself I did it last time so I can do it now I don’t want to hurt anybody not again so I’ll make sure that they’ll never get that close I don’t care if it sounds sad and unhealthy it’s the life I have and that everyone need most won’t care anyways I’m not very relatable and you need that in a relationship or at least a stable one I copied peoples traits but I was surrounded by terrible people and instead of pleasing them because I’m like them it made them scared that I’m like them but I don’t care it’s all ok I have my so many people want to get numb to ignore you’re emotions but when you do you want to feel something people tell me I have it all wrong because something’s are meant to feel good but even feeling happy hurts me and I don’t know why I so much personality that’s happy and cheerful but I can’t show it because people got so used to my depression they’d think something wrong so I’m just spinning in circle if I happy something’s wrong if I don’t then I’m boring and emotionless I get called useless maybe they see the wrong person inside my but my dad was a liar and manipulative and my mother lies, steal,and used people to get what she wanted so I’m not surprised I can’t even look in the mirror without seeing the wrong person inside me people forget I have a life and when I tell people about they can slowly connect the dots about why I ended up this way but the dots are all wrong it’s my fault I responded in a wrong way giving me a bad trait people say that I’m not to blame but they weren’t there this probably sounds depressing but it’s fine because you’re not seeing it through my eyes no one every said to me that all the love you give might not be enough and I was ignorant and tired so I thought I should die because what I was giving made no difference but this is just called growing up as long as I stay out of the people’s way that have much more ahead of them then me then I can live my life without pain I can’t think anymore I used to be able to think whenever and I couldn’t stop but just don’t feel like myself I wake up and yesterday felt like a blur I can’t remember anything I did and every time I blink hours go past I can’t feel myself but I’m getting better that’s it