The Sound of Us

It was an amicable divorce after thirteen years of marriage. My job had consumed most of my waking life and Julie had raised our son, Jason almost completely by herself.

Neither of us had done anything wrong, we’d simply drifted too far apart. Staying together just didn’t make sense anymore.

We agreed on joint custody outside of court and I offered to pay for everything. I made more money than I could ever spend alone, and it was only fair that Julie maintained her lifestyle.

Our arrangement specified that Jason would be with his mom during the school week and with me three weekends a month. I also vowed to take him on trips during his breaks and we’d probably spend the holidays with family.

After all was said and done, Julie and I finished half a bottle of Johnny Blue reminiscing over the highlights of our time together. Even this difficult time, we’d managed to navigate together.

“I’m proud of us, Ethan,” she said with a smile.

“I will always love you, Jules. But we deserve another chance at happiness,” I said, tapping her raised glass.

It seemed like an unspoken weight had fallen off both our shoulders.

Julie had known that I was bisexual from the very beginning, I never wanted it to be a secret between us. However, living a heteronormative life, made me shield people from my other side.

I did it for no other reason than my own convenience, I very much disliked the idea of being the source of controversy. In my opinion, our society was not yet ready to accept a man married to a woman, father to a twelve-year-old son offhandedly mentioning how cute the new bartender at Rico’s was.

Instead, I’d only share these thoughts with my private journal. Sometimes, things just needed to be said or in this case, written down. One day, I was going to tell Jason about me but not just yet.

Despite the divorce, I still felt the burden of my self-created social expectations. I wasn’t planning on launching myself into another committed relationship anywhere soon but would I eventually allow myself to look both ways?

Maybe, I should consider a few casual encounters.

In my day, we went to bars or clubs in pursuit of a “one night stand”, but according to my friend Denise, hook-up apps had made that process far more... user-friendly.

Should I download one? I honestly found the concept intimidating.

How would I even feel about being with a guy after so long, I wondered. The last time was two girlfriends before Julie. His name was Leo and I recalled having a lot of fun but obviously it didn’t last.

At forty-four, was I even attractive to the guys that often times caught my eye?

My apartment was finally ready so I could move out of the hotel. During my weekend with Jason, I wanted him to settle into his new room before doing something fun together.

But first I needed to take him to his morning violin class. According to his mother, he no longer sounded like he was strangling a cat and I was curious to hear him play.

“Good morning, Francesca,” I said, shaking her hand politely, as Jason ran off to his class.

I hardly ever came to the music school, so the owner still referred to me by my last name.

“Good morning, Mr. del Fiume. How are you? How is your lovely wife?”

“I’m well, thank you,” I replied, feeling the need to correct her error. “I believe my EX-wife looked happy when I picked up Jason this morning.”

“Apologies, force of habit,” she said, looking flustered.

Why did I even make such an issue of it? It wasn’t like I was interested in her!

“There was something I wanted to discuss, do you prefer that I speak to your... to Julie?”

We can talk. Let’s not forget that I’m the one who’s paying your extortionate hourly rates, Francesca!

“By all means,” I said, taking off my gloves.

She guided me to her office and offered me a seat. There was a pack of cigarettes on her desk and I immediately got a craving, even though I’d quit years ago.

“Jason is doing really well but he’s reached a critical juncture. I believe he can benefit from some additional support in order to truly excel.”

And there it was! How much exactly was this “additional support” going to cost me, Francesca? Parents often had a hard time saying “no” when it concerned their kids but I did not suffer from this problem.

“What do you suggest?” I asked, realizing that Julie would want to know either way.

“Well, I’ve recently hired a new teacher straight out of the Conservatory. I think a young energy and a slightly firmer hand than Miss Susan, is exactly what Jason needs.”

Interesting tactic, Francesca. You make a new hire, probably so you can expand your business and testdrive him on your existing students. I would’ve been more impressed if it wasn’t going to cost ME more money.

“I prefer to discuss with Julie first,” I said, not wanting to deal with this now.

“Of course,” Francesca said, looking somehow disappointed. Did she think I’d agree by default?

“At least, let me introduce you to Amir,” she insisted. Without waiting for an answer, Francesca left her office and returned a moment later.

Oh, fuck! Jason was definitely going to be getting “additional support”.