Prologue
“Momma, I don’t think I’m well. My throat is hurting really bad and I’m coughing lots-it’s worse than yesterday was.” Caroline spoke hoarsely, standing nervously at the doorway to the kitchen and tugging on the hem of her shift. Her bunny toy, which was made of different brown scrap fabrics sewn together and stuffed with tattered old rags, was clenched tightly in her other arm. She hated to tell them she thought she was sick.
“What was that, honey?” Her mother muttered, focused on trying to get the slightly damp wood to burn. It had rained the night before, and all the wood logs they kept on the porch got wet because of the hole in the roof.
“I think I may be sick, becau-” She didn’t get to finish her sentence. Her mother snapped her head towards Caroline, a fierce look on her face.
“No, Callie, sweetums. It may just be the season. Everybody feels just a little bit bad right now,” She returned to her logs, finally striking a flame to cook the bread.
“Alright, Momma.” She looked at the floor and shuffled her feet before asking, “Can I please lie back down for today? I feel very very unwell.”
“You may, just in case. But please get all of your morning chores done, and I will wake you up for your evening ones. There are far too many of us to not do our chores, okay?” She wasn’t wrong. Caroline was the youngest child of 7. She had 5 brothers and 1 sister, Beatrice. Bea was the one who made the bunny for her, and her brothers often took it from her and threw it around, especially the older ones, William and Elias. The other three-John, Levi, and Archie-just joined in when they felt. The older brothers were mean to everyone except Bea, because she was the oldest, so they had to do as she said.
“Yes ma’am. Thank you, Momma.” Caroline hurried back to her room to set her bunny down and put on her dress, kerchief, and apron. She could remove them again once she finished her chores for the day.
Caroline almost fell in her rush to get to the broom and sweep the floors. She really wanted to get back to bed and rest, hopefully feeling better tomorrow, so that they wouldn’t need to get a doctor. She ruminated on her family as she swept, wondering why they never seemed to have money.
Papa works all day, every day. She thought. And he always comes home so tired and angry from how hard his job is. So why don’t we have money? Grown ups get money from working, right?
She tried so hard to get the thoughts and the ways that grown ups seemed to work, but she simply couldn’t understand. What if one of them needed a doctor? Would they be able to get one? Or would they just die of being sick? She had been sick before, so she knew she wouldn’t die, but it was still a sad thought.
Before she knew it, she had swept, fed the chickens and dog, and dusted. She felt as though she was forgetting something, but she brushed it off and headed back to her room, encountering her older brother William on the way.
“Say, where is that pile of rags you love so much?” her older brother stepped in her way, trying to suppress his smile. Caroline sighed, already sick of the interaction.
“What did you do with it now? I’m going back to bed, I’m feeling sick.” She held out her hand, expecting the bunny back that moment. But she knew she wasn’t going to get it. He probably hid it somewhere impossible to find-last time it was inside the chicken coop, another time in the privy, and another time inside a chamber pot. She was thankful that the chamber pot had been recently cleaned, especially as it was in the room her brothers shared.
When he didn’t hand her the bunny, she tried to shove her way past him to go look for it, but he continued to block her way, and he had the advantage of size. Caroline had always been scrawny and pale, looking sick even when she wasn’t. So it wasn’t that William was large, she was just smaller than most others of the same age. Even so, she tried to push him out of the way many times before she gave up and asked him what he wanted.
“I want you to do my chores for me. I want to go and hang out with Oliver, but I have far too many chores to do.” He smiled. “If you do them, I’ll give your precious toy back.”
“I am going to get Momma. I really do feel sick today and don’t feel well enough to do your chores.” She stamped her foot and turned on her heel, muttering to herself about having stupid brothers.
“Wait, fine, here. I’ll do the cleaning myself.” He shoved the bunny at her and stormed off to the back door to get his chores done-more like half done. He never fully did anything, and it was usually up to Bea or Caroline to go behind him and fix it before their father saw it and got even more angry than he usually was. Bea would have to handle it that day, though. Caroline felt too tired to do anything.
“WILLIAM!” Her mother yelled across the house. That was her signal to get out of sight. He was constantly in trouble, and it was usually best to stay out of the way of it.
She opened her eyes at the sound of the bedroom door opening. Caroline turned her head to see her older sister standing at the foot of her bed, a concerned look on her face. She sat up, pushing the thin, somewhat coarse blankets off of her. She hadn’t realized how much she had been sweating, and the thick wool blanket had ended up on the floor.
“Hello, Bea.” She said, her throat burning with the words. It seemed like the rest had just made her more sick than she was before. Her older sister sat on the foot of the bed, observing for a moment before speaking.
“Hey, Cal. Momma told me to come and wake you up to do your chores.” She started to say when Caroline groaned. “Hey, wait-but- and don’t tell Momma- but I did them for you. I heard that you weren’t feeling well, and I really wanted to help.”
“Wait, but you already have so many more chores than I! You shouldn’t worry about mine, since I don’t have that many- I am quite a lot younger than you, after all.” The child looked at her older sister with tears in her eyes. She always felt bad for how much work Beatrice had to do, but Caroline didn’t know how to do some of those chores-she wasn’t old enough to have learned some of them yet.
“You talk like a grown up. Why do you talk like a grown up? I’m 14 and I don’t even talk like that!” Bea joked, but then she turned serious. “I’m going to tell you the truth. We don’t have much money right now. If you are sick again, we might not be able to afford a doctor. I don’t want you to be sick again. I want you to feel better, so I am going to help you as much as I can, because I love you.”
“Thank you very much.” Caroline greatly appreciated her older sister. “Do you know if we are having soup for dinner? My throat is much too sore for anything else.”
“I don’t know. I can go ask Momma-” Bea got up to leave, but the younger girl grabbed her apron.
“Don’t-I’ll just drink some water. I don’t want to bother Momma with this-she seems so very busy, after all.” With that, Caroline laid back down into the bed she shared with her sister and waited for her to leave so she could go back to sleep, before realizing she needed to relieve herself.
“I’m going to go to the privy. If Momma needs me, tell her that’s where I am.” She got up to leave the room, but when she took her first step, a wave of dizziness suddenly overtook her, and she fell to the floor. She also suddenly felt very nauseous, despite not having eaten anything other than a bit of bread. She simply wasn’t hungry.
“Callie! Are you okay?” Beatrice immediately got down with Caroline, extremely worried. “What happened”
“I just got up too fast. Don’t worry.” She rose from the floor very slowly, being cautious so as to not make herself dizzy again. She focused her eyes on the worn wooden floor, noticing the slight bend in some of the planks. They had gotten wet with the really bad storm last year, and had not been fixed. It was a dark type of wood, though the girl didn’t know nor did she care to learn about what kind of woods were dark. She had forgotten to clean the bedroom this morning, so the floor was a little bit dusty, and left some marks on her shift.
“Okay…” The older girl still sounded concerned. “Just be more careful right now, okay?”
“I will. I’m sure that I will be better by tomorrow anyways.” With that, Caroline grabbed her bunny and finally left the room, making sure to walk slowly.
She fell again, completely passed out. She woke in her bed some time later, alone in the room. She had no idea how long had passed, but she was starving and felt as though she hadn’t had any drink in eons. She poured herself some water from the pitcher on the nightstand by the bed, downing it in two gulps. She then started to make her way to the privy again.
She made her way through the dark halls very carefully-had she missed dinner? Her anxiety rose suddenly, for no apparent reason. The sanded wood floors were starting to look a little funny. The walls were stretching too. Everything was longer and weirder and wrong. Caroline felt her heart start to race with fear. Where was she? What happened to her house? Where was all of her family?
She saw a figure she didn’t recognize approaching her, and she backed away quickly, tripping over something she couldn’t even see in the process. The child cried out in fear, not wanting whoever that was to touch her. It spoke, but she couldn’t understand the words coming from its mouth. The closer it got, the taller it was. She tried to scream, but she couldn’t tell if the sound reached her mouth.
She was underwater. She couldn’t breathe. Everything was going dark. The figure lifted her off the ground…..she was cold….numb….
It hurt.
“We love you…” - Momma.
“I’m so sorry…” - Pops.
Caroline struggled to open her eyes, but couldn’t seem to make herself do so. It felt as if they were sewn shut, but she continued trying.
“Wha-” She tried to speak, but she found that her voice was non existent, and her throat was the driest it ever been. She couldn’t move either; it hurt to even think about doing such a thing. Everything hurt, probably from when she fell. Her neck, and her back even more…
Wait…When did I fall? I don’t remember falling…
The last thing she heard was Beatrice sobbing.
“Come on, Bea. We have to go.” Her Momma said, in a stern yet sad voice. “We all love you, Callie.”
A few murmurs of soft agreement followed that, sounding mildly unenthusiastic. The rest of the family left the room, leaving Beatrice and her younger sister alone.
Caroline felt a soft kiss on her forehead, along with a singular tear that dropped from her older sister’s face. She finally managed to open her eyes, and saw her tear streaked face leaning over her.
“I love you…” Bea whispered. “I will always love you…I didn’t want to do this…I am so sorry Cal…Remember me…”
She took a pair of slightly rusted scissors, cut a lock of Caroline’s hair, and kissed it. She then took a locket from under her dress, and placed the hair into it.
Caroline stared at her with confusion, slowly turning her head to see the girl more clearly. She felt a sharp pain in her neck, but she chose to ignore it. She wanted to know what was happening-everybody acted like they would never see her again.
She saw Bea opening the back of the bunny that she had made for a little sister four years prior. She tucked the silver locket in there carefully, before taking out a needle and thread and sewing it shut.
“That way, I always have a way to remember you…Though I-I could never forget you.” Bea started sobbing. “I love you, Caroline. I hope you stay with me, forever and ever and ever. This isn’t fair! This is so cruel of them!”
She ran out of the room, closing the door gently behind her, just as Caroline realized what was happening.
I wonder if the worms will eat my body….. Will I go to heaven? I hope I see Peter…. He was my favorite cat….
Caroline closed her eyes, tears falling down her soft face.
