De-Sire

She was his light. His protector

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JEON JUNGKOOK

If I were to be asked , ever by anyone. What is the one thing you hate the most?

I would answer the day when i heard her whisper in my ears. "I love Jack."

She had me in shock. I was stilled and i thought she was joking with me. A very unhumorous joke.

And i was ready to laugh it off until, i saw the seriousness in her beautiful honey dipped orbs gazing at me as if seeking a honest answer.

I knew i couldn't lie to her.

Not when i saw her in love with someone. So i wanted to get reassured. Wanting to know if she was serious and felt the way she talks about him.

About falling in love.

"I...I can't explain kook, it's feels like i am unable to breath when he is close but then i feel nervous and i hide myself behind something, just to stare at him a little longer. It's sweet. This feeling is sweet." she turned her attention towards me and my body stiffened, again.

"So it's true huh."

"True? About what?" her brows dipped together as she looked at me with curiousness and confusion. I let out a small chuckle at the way her soft gaze looked at me. To have her attention and to be someone she wants, at least at the moment.

I laid down on my back. The soft mattress of her bed dipped against my weight and i felt the scent, the sweet overwhelming, soft euphoric sent of her.

My body was at ease. She someway had this power to keep me at calm. My body, my mind had always been at it's cool when i am with her. "Hm. The truth that you LIKE him. That is confirmed but,"

Bella head was tilted towards me, a little close to where i was laying, "It maybe a crush. You won't know and won't understand but it's more like an attraction you have for him."

"Kook, I don't think it's just an attraction." Her voice turned offence and i couldn't held myself but to be amazed at how she was against at the thought of crush. Understandable because i have never seen her before like this-- confused, moody, and defensive for a certain someone.

And not me?

My blood run cold at the thought of her wanting me. Bella is my childhood best friend. More better if i say she is someone who is more than just a best friend. She had stayed with more longer than anyone. Befriend me when other thought i was weird and still cared for me like i was special. But in her gaze i couldn't see the feeling she was wanting me to understand for someone else. For someone she might have met just a few times.

Wasn't a love partner should be the one you are comfortable with. Someone like a friend. Jack and her are not friend. Just someone she knew. Someone who was able to stir up her feelings. The voice in my head mocked at my naivety. And how much i keep ignoring the fact that i had to watch her with someone else now was making me feel a weird despair of sadness and irritation.

"I don't like him." I had uttered out. Probably i don't like him. I knew nothing about him and i wanted her to believe in me. Wanted her to not like him. I wanted her to not feel the way she was feeling. He wasn't good. He wasn't someone she needed. While all i wanted her to say was the only person who she needed was me.

"Can you not feel that for him." And unintentionally my lips move apart uttering the words i didn't knew could make me feel like my heart was ready to break apart, rip out of my chest while i watched the widened gaze of her soft orbs staring at me.

"I...I was saying that-"

"I like him, Kook. If you are saying that it's not love. That i am maybe just like him and this feeling are not love. Then maybe you are right but, this feelings are real. This whole new thundering emotions i feel whenever i see him, even from from afar, even if i am not there with him, even if i cannot touch him like the way i crave, I still cannot deny that i have the feeling, i knew i never felt for anyone." her words echoed like a silent whisper, so low yet unbearably loud that i felt something, something within me, breaking.

And i didn't knew what. This warm inhibited emotions were making me feel weird, as if i was loosing something very important and i didn't knew what. I wasn't able to recall what. And i was feeling the desperation, of wanting it, remembering it.

What is it?

"So please understand. Don't make it hard for me." her words were slowly fading. The beating of my heart was clear. As if i was thrown in the silence of a dark room, finding the light to protect me.

What is it? The only question i was able to focus on. The only query i wasn't able to solve. What is it that making me this hesitant. And i was losing my focus of every sound around me. There was no longer any voices i could hear and i was scared.

The darkness which was only evitable from afar seem to be crawling towards me and i could feel the unbearable pain of loneliness. The weak and powerless emotions which never left my side and there was a shadow.

A small figure of someone. Crawled into a ball, and waiting. Waiting for someone to find him. And take him out of the darkness. The small boy who was all alone and weak. Not whispering anything while his head lowered down in between his hands holding his legs near to his chest. The only thing keeping him from losing his hope was the voice. The voice which sounded so desperate. Searching for him. Calling him. And it felt familiar, the soft worried voice which had keep him lost all day, away from the darkness, away from the monsters, away from the weakness. And the doors was opened. The small boy who denied to look up, in the darkness slowly opened his gaze, meeting with the orbs which remined him of honey. The sweet and warm taste of honey whispering to him.

"Kook" her small voice sounded concerned, relieved and for he first time. The small boy was able to feel the emotions he was holding inside him break apart into a loud cry of pain, watching her, watching the girl who was standing with her hand on the door knob, worried.

That was the day he knew. The small boy who had almost lost his hope to open his eyes in the darkness. To face his fear and look for the voice he knew will find him. Protect him was none but his best friend, the girl who unknowingly protected him from everyone, watch him from afar, saving him from the darkness.

And something felt like a hard strike in my heart. And as if everything finally was at it's place. I knew i found out what i was missing. Why was i feeling this desperate, as i would never find that voice looking for me again. To protect me from the darkness, the light which i was looking for to hold me, embrace me.

"So, i am saying this to you not to get scared, he is goo-"

"It's you." my voice cut in between her words. Bella watch me with a questioning gaze and i beathed in. Taking as much oxygen i needed to keep my lungs full and make me stand steady as i uttered again. "It's you. I am scared of,"

Bella's head tilted as she try to process my words while her orbs watch me, and i knew if i don't say it now. I would never be able to say it again. I was scared i would loose my light. My protector.

"Loosing. Not that guy you had someway found yourself to be in like with. IT's you Bella, you are the person who makes me scared that i would loose. If you--" words were chocked down my throat and i was unable to let them out. And the pain was making me suffer. I wanted to let her know.

"Kook, what are you saying?"

"Bella Halmond." I breathed and her spine straighten at the mention of her full name. I could see the seriousness in her orbs directing towards my each word as if an important note. "I don't like you staying with him, with anyone. I don't know what the thing you are feeling for me, but I am feeling weak. Frightened that i think, I..."

"I love you, Bella Halmond."

I could see her, the orbs which i thought were the perfect shade of a brown watch me with widened gaze, astonished as the words leave her dumbstruck. And the beating of my heart felt like to stop. The air which i was holding in for so long to keep me in steady, strong felt like a force on my body. Striking me down as if i was holding a weight i and cannot put it down but instead was crushed down.

Bella raised her hands covering her mouth in shock. "What?"

And i felt my shoulder being pushed back and a figure walk past me, near her. Taking all of her attention towards him. I could see the happiness, the emotion which in her gaze which i didn't knew i could ever be able to look. The tears which dropped because of happiness. Gaiety. And as if a force was strike down and made me fall down.

"I love you Bella. I too wanted to say you this. Actually i wanted to propose you today itself, but then i heard you, sorry." he looked at her with nervousness while Bella seemed to be shock watching him. Like a small teenage girl finding out her first love. I could see the shine in her orbs, for him.