Changes
2012
I kept staring at the puddle of water near the rickety porch stairs. I needed a moment for a quick smoke before school, yes it’s a bad and unhealthy habit. But sitting still and huffing and puffing away on my late grandma’s favorite chair is the only moment of peace before everything else gets a little bit too loud. I have one earbud in my right ear and the other was dangling around by the wire. It was faintly playing Norah Jones, Don’t Know Why. I guess I’m feeling a bit chummy. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t stopped drizzling since last night and the sun is nowhere in sight. I inhaled another puff and exhaled really slowly, just trying to let go of some emotions.
The kitchen door flew open.
“Hey kid, when are you planning to stop that nasty habit?”
And there she is, the greatest love of my life.
My mom.
“It’s a nasty habit that I definitely picked up from someone. I wonder who that could be?” I said while cocking my head towards her.
“Don’t be sassy with me, at least not at this hour.” I chuckled while flicking my cigarette butt and it landed right in the puddle.
“Hey, I quit four months ago and look at me now. I don’t crave it one bit!”
“And I had to endure a whole month of you being irritated at the smallest thing.” I stood up and leaned on the bannister where she’s standing.
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad.” She waved her hand around while sipping her coffee.
“Mom, you screamed at the cookie jar because it had no cookies in it.”
She paused and tried to recollect the moment “oh yeah, I did.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Because you ate -” when she cut me off to then continue
" - I ate the last cookie, yeah..”
She sighed, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
She patted my head and kissed just above my left temple. It has become somewhat automatic for my body to bend my knees a little bit when she does that, considering I’m way taller than her now. It’s just the two of us in this house. After my grandma’s passing 2 years ago is when I picked up smoking. Her passing hurts so bad, I just needed something to ease the pain and now I’m addicted to it. She was our referee when Mom and I would have our thunderous arguments which got even worse after her death. But after many days of not speaking to one another we had a heart to heart. We laughed, then cried, then argued a little bit, cried again, finally we let it all out and came to a better understanding about ourselves and our relationship. Three generations of daughters under one roof.
I took the mug filled coffee from mom’s hand and as I was about to sip - “Oh!” She snapped as if just remembering something important, I almost choked on my coffee “I’m going out with Felix tonight, will you be okay by yourself?”
“Ooohh is it official?” I said in a teasing tone.
“Stop it” she nudged me with her elbow.
I gulped the freshly brewed coffee. “Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll order pizza or something.”
“Okay, good. Ask Sarah and Mia if they want to come over.” She slipped her right arm to my left arm.
“You’re not the only one getting lucky tonight.” Mom narrowed her eyes. “Sarah has a date with Alex”
“Ooh good for her. And Mia?”
“Mia would probably be too tired after cheer practice, she’ll probably hang around with Martin after that anyways.” In actuality, I just want to be alone tonight.
“Well, okay then. Remember to lock all the doors and windows. Oh and turn on the safety alarm.”
“Yes ... mom ...” I answered lazily
“Come on let’s get you to school.” I put the nearly empty mug on the porch chair and headed for our ‘badass’ 2008 Toyota Camry when mom suddenly asked. “Honey, why do you always dress like a librarian?”
I rolled my eyes discreetly. “It’s called dark academia mom.”
“Dark what now?”
I just grumbled my answer without really saying anything.
We sat in silence on our way to school. Mom always has her radio on and the DJ was yapping on how it’s going to be a beautiful day. How ironic. As mom was talking on and on about her coworker who got caught cheating with another coworker in the utility room, I could hear a loud car engine nearing the rear-end of our car. Mom noticed and she checked her rear view mirror. Mom is a slow driver, so she opened her window and gestured to pass her. I also looked behind, I couldn’t make out who the driver was. I tried squinting my eyes but to no avail.
Like that’s gonna help.I thought.
“Just go already!” My mom yelled, still gesturing.
A mere second later the black sports car swerved to the right and passed us like lightning. Surprising us with a huge splash of water. Mom yelped, so did I. She pressed on the horn in frustration with profanities rolling of her lips so effortlessly.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” She asked while taking quick glances to my side.
“Yeah I’m good.” I tried to regain my composure “That was shocking!” There goes my quiet morning.
“Don’t they know, this is a school zone?” Mom complained, pressing the horn following the beat of her words.
To be fair the school zone is still a couple of minutes away but I’d rather keep that to myself. Lest I’d be the person who receives her fury. So, we continued heading our way there, letting the radio DJ be the enthusiastic talker in the car. Once we were near the drop off zone, I tapped mom’s shoulder.
“Just drop me off here mom.”
“You’re sure.”
“Yep.”
She stopped the car and I swiftly hugged her then opened the door while I sling my backpack on my shoulder. Through the car window mom yelled. “Remember to lock everything okay. Oh and the alarms.”
“Aye aye captain.” I playfully answered.
“I’ll make sure to be home before you wake up and please answer my texts so that I know you’re alive.” Her brows furrowed, reminding me that my habits of not checking my phone worried her.
I flattened my lips and promptly answered, dragging my words. “Will do mother.”
I waved to her and walked towards the only school that I have ever gone to. As I was walking towards the entrance, I noticed the same car that caused quite a shock to mom and I just a few minutes ago parked near the school’s gate. Muscular, black, and expensive as hell. I might not know a lot of things about cars but I know, new and expensive, when I see one. I could only assume one of the guys from the football team must’ve gotten it for their ‘congrats on being a senior gift’.
Typical.I muttered under my breath.
I shook my head and tried to forget the eventful morning I had. I climbed the steps to the entrance and hurriedly walked to my locker. I scanned through the hall and finally saw my best friend, Sarah. Our lockers thankfully were next to each other and she was standing in front of her locker with her boyfriend Alex. They were watching something on Sarah’s phone laughing together when I approached them.
Sarah looked up when she heard my locker opened. “Hey you.” Sarah said while hugging me. I said hey back and also gave Alex a fist bump.
Sarah asked. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us later? After the movies we’re going to have dinner at Andy’s.”
As much as I love Andy’s burger and fries, I am not about to be a third wheel. “Hell no! Watching you guys smooch all night is not my idea of fun.”
I glanced at Alex and he gave me a thankful look. “Oh yeah, have you guys seen Nolan’s new car?” Alex asked excitedly.
Nolan and Alex are both on the football team. Just from my personal observation, they’re pretty close. I see them hanging out a lot. It’s easy to like Alex though, he’s friendly, charming and hilarious. From the right angle he kinda looks like a younger and friendlier version of Justin Bieber. He’s also super respectful towards Sarah which is a huge plus. He’s been pursuing Sarah for over a year and only just recently they’ve started dating. Sarah had a bad experience with her ex so it’s a bit hard for her to trust someone new. But I can see that she felt safe with Alex. On the other hand, I can’t say much about Nolan, other than he exudes an aura of arrogance and intimidation. The only interaction I’ve ever had with him was during my freshman year. I had to help my seniors from the school news committee write a short biography on the students who got accepted at the football tryouts. I was mostly responsible for taking their pictures. I remember he answered curtly to all of the questions and every time I needed to take his pictures, he would gaze intently at the camera. I tried directing him to relax a little bit and maybe do a different pose but he just narrowed his eyes in annoyance. Well, in addition to what happened this morning, it’s about the only time I’ve ever had anything to do with him.
Alex raved on. “His dad bought this awesome sports car for senior year. Let me just say that car is sweet.” Raising his inflection at the end of his sentence.
“Boys and cars, man.” Sarah rolled her eyes.
And just I was about to vent about the car or more precisely, the owner of the car when -
“Yo Nolan!” Alex yelled towards the other end of the hallway.
A very tall person started to maneuver his way among the crowded hallway. He’s wearing a black shirt that faintly accentuated his muscles and a pair of dark blue jeans. For some odd reason, every time I pass by him, I always notice his shoes, they’re always clean and pristine. Other boys Nike air are unsurprisingly always tattered, not his though. His black hair is always gelled but some of his curly strands hang neatly on the side of his forehead. His sharp eyes wandered to see where the call had originated from and when he noticed Alex, he raised his amazingly shaped eyebrows and gave a faint smile. Some people just win the genetic lottery I guess. How can an 18 year old possess the face of a Greek god and the body of one too.
“Yo.” He replied to Alex while they did whatever handshake the football jocks do. His deep voice fits perfectly with how he is built. “Hey Sarah, what’s up?” Cocking his head.
“Hey.” Sarah answered curtly.
She doesn’t care much about Nolan. I think she still hasn’t forgiven him for accidentally bumping into her in this very hallway which caused her to drop a diorama that she worked diligently for months. He apologized but continued running to whatever he was chasing. I helped her glued everything back while tears silently streamed down her face.
“You guys are coming to my party on Friday right?” he said, directing this question to Alex and Sarah.
I caught myself before staring too long and decided to just scroll mindlessly on social media but not really enjoying it.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, brother.” Alex and Nolan did their handshake again.
“You’re coming right?” Sarah asked me with pleading eyes while grabbing my arm. “Please...” she pleaded again.
I put away my phone. “I - uhh...” I was lost for words, I didn’t have a valid reason to say no.
“Yeah, she can come too.” Nolan suddenly interjected.
She can come too? An object would’ve received a more enthusiastic reaction.
I looked up to his face and he was staring intensely at me. My lips formed a very subtle scowl on my face, remembering what he did to mom and I this morning. His eyes sharpened and his brows made a furrow, keeping that intense look.
I turned to Sarah, ignoring him. “Yeah, sure... Wouldn’t miss it for the world...” I said through gritted teeth with with visible . I quietly sighed after.
“Yay!” Sarah yelped in excitement while giving me a side hug. I grabbed her arm to return the hug.
“Oh! I need to give mrs. Weaver my assignment. Shit I almost forgot!” Sarah exclaimed while still holding me in her side hug.
“Go, what are you waiting for?”
She gave me a side eye, indicating that Nolan is still hanging around. I noticed that too.
“Go, it’s okay. Mrs. Weaver is gonna chew you out if you don’t give it to her now.”
She hesitated at first but relented in the end. “Okay, I need to go. I’ll see you at lunch?” I replied with a few nods. “Come on Alex.” She grabbed her boyfriend by his left arm and dragged him away.
Alex turned his body halfway to mutter silently the word thank you and make a blessed gesture. I guessed he figured out if I didn’t go to the party, Sarah wouldn’t either. I nodded to him and smiled. I think they’re great for each other. Not me at this moment though. Nolan is still hanging around. I took a quick glance and he was staring at his phone but I was more surprised with how close he was standing next to me. Confused, I brushed those thoughts away and turned around to my locker. It’s not like he has any interests with me. We are worlds apart in similarities.
As I rummaged through the needed books for class, I can see through my peripheral, Nolan putting his back towards the lockers, still staring at his phone. We were side by side, closely. Him facing the hallway or his phone to be precise and me towards the inside of my messy locker. My arms were so close to his arms that the sleeve of my turtleneck was slightly brushing his shirt. I hate this, I hate awkward silence, it makes me uncomfortable. Now that I think about it, this is the first time that we share a lot of the same classes. Throughout the years of me going to Pearson High, I’ve never shared any classes with him. Not even P.E. I slammed my locker shut and asked him.
“Do you need something?” I asked half sarcastically.
His eyes darted towards me, put his phone in his pocket and straightened his back to face me while fixing his backpack’s position. Wow, he is really tall, I’m only as tall as his chest.
“No.” His deep voice said curtly.
“Well, okay then. Imma go to class.” I gave the fakest smile possible. As I side step to walk to class. He suddenly blocked my path.
“Do you have a problem with me?” He has an inquisitive look which made his features stand out even more. Staring down at me with his piercing eyes, I noticed that he has a set of full lips.
What are you thinking right now? This is not the time for that!
For some reason he moved even closer. So close I had to lift my head to meet his eyes. I can even smell his spicy, woody, sweet cologne. That is a really good scent. It must be expensive and ... it suits him.
Snap out of it!
I let out a small air of disbelief “Uh, no.” I didn’t have any reason to back up what I said.
“Right...” He dragged his tone lazily, probably because he doesn’t believe It. Even I didn’t believe in what I said. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed while looking away “See you in class... Eleanor.” His scent trailed away, becoming fainter and fainter.
I stood there confused. What was that all about? First, I would never have guessed that he knew my name. Second, I haven’t been called Eleanor for a while by my friends.
They just call me Elle.
As I was chewing my gum in English class. I kept thinking of the awkward interaction that I just had with Nolan. English is one of the few classes that we don’t share which I am very glad about because I generally enjoy the subject and any distractions would’ve soured the experience. Mrs. Weaver is a strict but compassionate teacher. She also tells funny stories in which all of the students agree not to interrupt her so she could continue until the class ends. But not today though, after a short story, she handed out an exercise on constructing a report. I had no problem finishing it and ended up quietly chatting with Mia, the cheerleading captain. She told me fresh gossip from another cheerleading squad. I knew of the people she was talking about because now I’m in charge of running the school’s news website and paper.
When we were done stifling our laughter, I blurted a question. “What do you know about Nolan?”
She paused, raised one of her eyebrows and gave the cheekiest smile. “You mean Nolan Ash?”
Why do I even try?
“Yeah, that, Nolan.”
“Well-” Still holding her cheeky smile, she continued happily. “He’s a good tackler, he’s pretty quiet I guess, but he can be mean sometimes. But not, like, in a bullying manner, he’s just too honest for his own good. Kind of arrogant but that’s to be expected, both of his parents are VPs of a major tech company.” She paused. “He throws great parties.” She added while raising a finger. “He’s popular but a lot of girls find him intimidating. Last month, a girl tried asking him out on a date and he just flat out said, I’m not interested and I don’t like you.”
Damn, poor girl.
I nodded along, kind of regretting asking to begin with.
“Not to mention he always has that stern, serious face on. Even the guys know to avoid him when he’s not in the mood.” I just kept nodding. “I mean in so many ways -” Oh wow, she’s not done yet. “He’s just like you.”
“What?!” I exclaimed. Loud enough to have everyone staring in our direction.
Mrs. Weaver cocked her head and said sternly “Do you guys mind?”
Mia and I said sorry in unison and continued chatting even quieter than before.
“Yeah, you guys have black cat energy.” She continued in a hushed tone.
Bewildered, I said. “Uh, I am NOT arrogant.” I complained, at least I hope I don’t come across as arrogant.
“No no, don’t worry sweetie. You’re not but that black cat energy is part of your charm. You know, like Alex and Sarah, they’re golden retrievers. Especially Alex, always with that goofy smile.”
I chuckled, she’s right though.
“He looks like an overgrown 14 year-old and I say that with a lot of love.”
“He just has that baby face.” I replied, in his defense.
“If you put Nolan and Alex side by side, it looks like an uncle taking his nephew to school.”
I covered my mouth to hold in my laughter. Mia did too. Picturing that in my head makes it even funnier. I felt my cheeks get a little warmer.
“Somebody’s blushing.” She teased. I smacked Mia’s arm and she let out a muted ow.
“I should be the one saying ow Mia, my poor hand.” I retorted. With the constant cheerleading practice, Mia has developed quite the muscle.
“I know, look at these muscles baby!” She flexed her arms as she deepened her voice to mimic a man. I probably look like a cinnamon roll next to her. I look down embarrassed by the antics of one of my best friends.
The bell finally rang and we handed out our papers to mrs. Weaver and headed out of class. Mia was In front of me when she suddenly turned around.
“Join me and Martin for lunch later?” She promptly asked.
Martin is her boyfriend who also happens to be the quarterback of the football team. Before Sarah and Alex got together, Sarah and I would usually have lunch just the two of us. We’re both introverts, so replenishing our social battery is a must. But since starting the new senior year, she has been having lunch with Alex and some of the people from the football or cheerleading team and would come and talk to me before lunch time ends. Mia would always have lunch with Martin. The football and cheer team are pretty tight so we never minded that Mia would spend her lunch break with them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind at all having lunch by myself, it gives me time to relax and just unwind but on the other hand, without having anyone to talk to, it makes me crave for a cigarette. And I am not about to light up a cig at the school premises. Not only that I could get in trouble but I also feel icky doing so. I guess some part of me is ashamed to be smoking.
“Yeah sure, why not.” I answered confidently, I could use a change of pace.
Mia clasped my hand and said “Yay, I’ll see you there.”
I nodded with excitement because it is really exciting to be spending time with my best friends.
When she started to walk away, she suddenly did another turn and said “Nolan will be there...” She teased.
I rolled my eyes and I said loudly .“Bye Mia!”
“I know you love me!” she clapped back as she strutted to her next class.
I shook my head in disbelief of her usual antics. Mia and I got close during our sophomore year. At first, I thought she would be the stuck up popular girl who would degrade you for her amusement. She has the looks for it too. Strawberry blonde, incredibly tall with a toned body and a big smile with pearly white teeth. The pinnacle of midwestern beauty but underneath all that sass, is a kind girl with a big heart. I felt immensely guilty for thinking about her that way. I even told her about it and apologized profusely. Of course she didn’t even think that I needed to do so. Then I introduced her to Sarah. They immediately clicked due to their combined love of anime. Out of all the people right? Who would’ve thought that this beauty queen is also a giant nerd. I am just so grateful to have them as my best friends.
