THE GIFT OF CARING

The seasonal sea fog that had gently covered the town of Farmland Estates during the night raced away as the sun rose in the east, much like a mischievous child trying not to be discovered hiding behind the sofa. The birds awoke full of astonished excitement, signaling each other and all who could hear and cared would know where they found themselves, upon awaking. A large German shepherd raised his head and yawned leisurely, not at all concerned or perturbed about anything. He shook himself thoroughly until the metal tags on his collar rattled their hello, then lumbered cautiously down the wide wooden steps onto the soft grass of the expansive lawn, each sprig brandishing a drop of dew. He wandered off to the side of the house and took care of his immediate need by raising a leg next to his mistress’ prize rhododendron, then made his usual morning check-walk around to the back of the house, sniffing for the usual aroma of frying bacon, then returning to the front porch to guard the entrance to his family’s home.

Within about twenty minutes, familiar morning sounds reached the sensitive ears of Pup Dog, the well-loved pet of the Moore family, whose comfortable front porch was Pup Dog’s preferred sleeping place, weather permitting. He was always happiest when the seasonal snows and icy rains faded away to be replaced by the fresh smells and new green shoots of spring and then summer. The dog glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the front door being opened, and he knew who it was.

“Hi, Pup! Here’s your breakfast…and I snuck you an extra slice of bacon, you lucky dog-person…” Lee Ann Moore, looming with her bulging pregnancy, groaned softly as she bent over and put a large bowl of Alpo mixed with some bone broth near the door mat. The dog smiled with his eyes and lunged for his favorite food, eating ravenously.

Lee Ann Moore closed the door quietly and smiled down at the dog she had loved for so many years. She kept one hand on her hard belly and shook her head, watching Pup Dog gobble his food.

“I don’t get it. You eat like a starving elephant and you don’t seem to gain an ounce! If I even sniff at a buttered roll or Heaven forbid, a warm pancake with maple syrup all over it, I’d gain five pounds!”

Pup looked up at his beloved mistress and gave her one of his best doggie smiles, then continued eating. Lee Ann ruffled the fur on his shoulders and glanced up at the sunlight beginning to turn the early morning soft-white into daylight orange. “Oh me. I forgot to water the plants yesterday…guess I’d better get that done first…”

Lee Ann picked up a dented tin watering can left against the house wall on the porch and carried it inside, returning in minutes holding the full can carefully and began watering the various potted plants gracing the porch. In no time, Pup was licking his empty bowl as if he thought he could generate more food with his pink tongue’s encouragement. His metal bowl began to scoot along the wooden floor as if it were trying to escape.

“No, Pup Dog…no more for this morning. You heard the vet. Can’t let an old dog like you eat too much…Gotta keep you in shape so you can help me take care of this baby when she gets here!” Lee Ann picked up his bowl and carried it in one hand while she finished watering the potted plants. “Okay, that’s it for this group! Go take care of business, sweet doggie…I’m going to sit down and enjoy my coffee and watch the news…then maybe we can go for a walk…the doctor said I had to do that more often…” Lee Ann stood the watering can back in the corner of the porch and carried the dog bowl inside, placing it in the kitchen sink. She glanced over the pass-through counter at the newscaster she knew was speaking but the volume was turned off. Pouring herself a mug of coffee, she added a sugar substitute and a splash of skim milk, stirred it gently with a spoon and sat down on the sofa to listen to the news.

It was the same every morning. More and more killings and bedlam and horror stories of torture and inhuman behavior across the world’s communities of people trying to survive and just love each other and live as long as they could. There were times when Lee Ann wondered if God would someday rain down in fury and cause another hundred-year flood such as Noah survived, or perhaps a massive epidemic of an incurable epidemic, as punishment for regarding the gift of life with such little care. The broadcast morphed into the usual irritating, tinny-sounding commercials and Lee Ann felt the baby kick, as strong as a baby horse! She looked at her watch. It was nine-thirty and her appointment with the obstetrician was for eleven-forty-five. Right before his two-hour lunch, so there’d be time for talk and maybe questions. She was a little nervous but not much. She had been a stellar patient throughout this pregnancy and she and Preston were ‘over the moon’ with delight at having a little girl! She couldn’t imagine what Doctor Faris had to tell her that was so urgent he wanted her to come in to the office.

She was a little sorry that Preston had to go out of town with her father to check out a large piece of property south of Seattle some developers were going to offer to builders. There was talk of this new area being the site for the Parade of Homes two years from now and that would be a huge feather in the professional hat of her father’s real estate company. Well, she could certainly manage to see the good Doctor Faris all by her grown-up self! Her mother wanted to go with her but she was determined to go alone. She was a big girl now!

Lee Ann put her cup in the sink and after letting Pup inside for his usual morning nap on his cushion in the den, she went upstairs to shower and get ready to drive into the little town of Farmland Estates. She was looking forward to grocery shopping after the doctor’s appointment and picking up something special for Preston’s homecoming after three days away in an impersonal motel with her bombastic and domineering father. She sighed with resignation and decoded to wear her floral maternity top displaying her favorite colors of lavender, lilac, purple and sky blue. Her spirits lifted considerably as she whipped her pony tail up out of the way before disrobing and enjoying the aroma of the gardenia-scented soap.

Within minutes, Lee Ann was on her way to her doctor’s appointment. She had left Pup in the house while she had to be gone, and felt safer somehow with him inside. He had always been a great watch-dog and one Hallowe’en had been able to awaken her and Preston both when thieves masquerading as Hallowe’en pranksters went on a “burglary binge”, while so many families were out in their neighborhoods Trick or Treating. Most never remembered to lock their houses while they were out of earshot. Devious home-robbers knew this and took advantage of it every October. But when Pup Dog was left alone, he seemed to instinctively know what his job was and he apparently had never let a “fake” Trick or Treater get inside. Lee Ann suspected a few had tried because neighbors had complained in the days after the holiday that they were missing some valuables, such as sterling flatware. One family, two doors down from Lee Ann’s and Preston’s home, had their keepsake flatware chest stolen as well as a few valuable pieces of jewelry from the master bedroom and the woman’s wallet, which she had carelessly left in her handbag in plain sight, hung over the doorknob leading into their dressing room. Another family the following year didn’t lose items but the thieves devoured the woman’s fresh baked pumpkin cake. She had left it to cool with the bowl of icing on the counter and the brazen thieves had obviously taken the time to spread the buttercream icing on two huge slices of the cake. Lee Ann remembered hoping they had vicious stomach cramps from having to eat rapidly to avoid being caught red-handed! She knew Pup would never have permitted anything like that to occur in their house.

She kept up the chatter with her subconscious so she didn’t have to think about what the doctor might have to say or why his receptionist insisted she come in for this “in-between” appointment – in other words, not one of her usual monthly check-ups. The last time she had been to his office was about two months earlier when he had told them the baby had a chromosome problem and it was serious. She turned off the main thoroughfare and then made another turn onto the quieter street parallel to Main. Three more blocks driving on the picturesque brick streets, still holding up after over a hundred years. Then she turned into a professionally landscaped parking lot adjacent to an ivy-covered white stone medical office building. Next door was the clinic some of the specialists used when the more complicated services of a hospital weren’t essential. The parking was free and for that, everyone was relieved; the town was still small enough not to need fees and charges for everything connected to the municipality. Lee Ann parked her small Ford coupe as close to the rear entrance or the office building as she could find; she did not relish walking any farther than necessary. She locked the car and walked through the opening in the low brick wall placed along the borders of the parking spaces and followed the picturesque mosaic pattern in the walk leading up to the entry door at the back of the building.

The interior air-conditioning felt refreshing even though it wasn’t uncomfortably warm outside, not yet. She walked to the front lobby and then punched the button to call the elevator to take her up to the third floor. She saw only two people before reaching the walnut-paneled door of the Obstetric Associates of Farmland Estates, King County, Washington State. She never failed to be impressed by the elegant gold lettering on the walnut double doors of the offices. The obstetric practice group was relatively new and when they first announced the partnership, many citizens didn’t think there would be enough business for six “baby” doctors but the booming population proved that to be an unnecessary worry. More young married couples were moving out of the crowded big city areas, seeking a more stable and less frenzied atmosphere for their young families. Doctor Faris was one of the youngest in the group and Lee Ann, as well as Preston, appreciated his youthful outlook and his professionalism.

Lee Ann signed in with the attractive receptionist and didn’t seem to notice the woman looking at her in a knowing, concerned sort of way, her eyes more concerned than knowing. She told Lee Ann she would probably not have to wait very long and Lee Ann thanked her and sat down with a copy of the latest New Yorker magazine.

She didn’t absorb a single word her eyes read on the slick pages of the magazine and when Patty, the nurse she had known for years, called her name, it took her a couple of beats to realize it was her turn. She had been dreading this visit ever since the doctor had insisted they have the amniocentesis test after a routine blood test had revealed the chromosome disorder. At first, she didn’t think much of it, then when she shared the need for the test with friends, some began to tell her of Down syndrome and what it entailed. She refused to consider it a serious possibility, and just didn’t think about it. The doctor had mentioned aborting the pregnancy, ending the life that was barely beginning, but neither she nor Preston would consider authorizing something so heartless that sounded to her like disguised murder. Together they refused even further discussion of that possibility. However, now, with Preston out of town and no one to help her feel stronger than usual, here she was, nearly eight months pregnant, waiting to hear whatever the good doctor needed to tell her that required her presence in his office. She was terrified and didn’t know what to do about it.

She sat like stone while Dr. Faris spoke softly and yet firmly about her unborn child’s condition which could not be remedied and would not get better and would never vanish. He went over all the other tests first then began to explain to her the problem with the unborn baby’s chromosomes, repeating all he had touched on lightly in an earlier visit. She didn’t really need to hear all the technical and medical terminology and reasons because she already knew there was nothing nothing nothing nothing she could do about it, she couldn’t change it, she couldn’t protect this baby girl from the consequences, and she was convinced therefore she was a failure as a protective loving mother. She wanted to run and scream as Doctor Faris continued trying to make certain she knew all the facts, but the truth was she didn’t WANT to know. . . . . she couldn’t even weep anymore, not even when she was alone.

Later, she didn’t have a distinct and clear memory of driving home. It was as if she was seated in the doctor’s office one minute and the next, she was sitting on the top step of her front porch next to Pup Dog and had her arms around his hairy neck and her tears glistened like crystal seed pearls as they slipped from her heart to her eyes to her cheeks to the future of her entire life. She was dire afraid for her unborn child and terrified she couldn’t love her enough. She knew she could love her anyway but there was a big difference in “anyway” and “enough.”