Chapter 1
Lillian:
I take a deep breath, let the fresh air consume my lungs and look up at the beautiful sky.
The sun seems brighter today.
“I’m so excited, Mama!” I can’t help but bounce a little on my feet, ignoring the looks I receive from other students, as I take in the huge building in front of me.
“Me too.” She mumbles grumpily as she pulls my suitcase out of the trunk, and I gasp.
“You are?” Surprise is evident on my face as I ask her, my heart beating faster at the possibility that she might be excited for me to start a new chapter of my life.
“Yes.” She sets the suitcase on the floor with a thud before shutting the trunk a little harshly. Her emerald green eyes find mine, and I instantly frown at how angry they are, even if I’m already used to them. “I’m excited that I finally won’t have to wake up and see you every morning. Now, I can finally move on with my life without having you as a reminder of everything that’s wrong in the world.”
I swallow the sting of her words and pout, my hand nervously traveling to the necklace around my neck for support. “You don’t mean that, Mama.”
“But I do.” She nods sternly, her aubrun hair that I’ve inherited moving against her shoulders. “I dropped you off like you begged me to, and now I’m fucking done, you hear me? Don’t call me unless you’re dying.”
I swallow again and silently nod. It’s my fault for expecting anything different anyway. “Thank you.”
I watch her as she glares at me again before walking to the driver’s side of the car. She gets in and takes a deep breath, probably because she wants to calm down, possibly because she’s relieved she won’t have to deal with me anymore.
“I’ll miss you, Mama. And I’m sorry. For everything.” I quietly give her my goodbye, and I know she hears me because her body stiffens and her hands grip onto the steering wheel tightly, before she turns her head and looks at me with a scowl.
Her voice is cold and deadly as she speaks, nothing like the mother whose love and affection I spent years with. “Go ahead and live a life you don’t deserve. I don’t fucking care as long as you’re out of mine.”
I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling anymore as I watch her focus on the road ahead and drive off. I stay still, watching the familiar car disappear, and I wonder if I’ll ever see Mama again. I know she doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know I can’t really blame her. But I also know that I will miss her, because she’s all I have left. I wonder if this means I’ve lost the only family member I have.
“You must be Lillian Grant!” A loud, enthusiastic voice shouts suddenly from beside me, and I jump as I turn around to face its source. A beautiful girl with shiny black hair stands with a big smile on her face as she looks at me with amusement in her eyes.
“Oh, you startled me.” I confess, my hand patting my chest in a soothing manner as I try to hide my embarrassment. This is the first person I meet here, and I just made myself look like a jumpy toddler. “Yes, that’s me.”
“Welcome to your new home!” Her loud voice is even higher when she points at the building in front of us, and I feel my excitement starting to match hers. “I’m Natalie, a senior, and I also volunteer as a student guide, so I’m here to give you your key and walk you to your dormroom.”
“Thank you so much!” I beam at her kindness and wonder if I can manage to become her friend. I have no friends, and I absolutely hate it. I vow to change that now that I’m here.
Natalie opens the folder she has tucked against her chest to take out a piece of paper. “Here’s a hard copy of your schedule. There’s a detailed map of campus on the back, and that’s your key.” She shoves both into my hands. “You’ll be staying in room 2114 on the second floor. Shall we?”
I nod my head and follow her into the huge building, dragging my suitcase behind me.
“Everyone is already settled in since the semester has already started last week, but your roommate has been notified that you’re arriving today.” She states as we walk up the stairs, and my eyes can’t seem to stay still. They move around constantly, quickly taking in the brown wooden doors, the dark red floor and the golden curtained windows. Everything looks so unique and so unusual that my heart skips a beat.
There’s something so refreshing about being here, where no one knows who I am. Not a single person here has the faintest idea of the sins I’ve committed. It’s liberating to be able to start fresh, without the shackles of my past tackling me to the ground every step I take.
“Here we are!” Natalie announces, her smile still perfectly intact as she points to the room on my left.
“You have a wonderful smile.” I feel the need to tell her that because she truly does, and maybe if she gives me a chance, I could be her friend.
“Aw, thank you!” She grins even wider. “And you’re adorable. If you need anything regarding your room or your classes, I’m available in the student support office on Saturdays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, from 10 to 3. Alright? I’ll see you around!”
I’m still blinking when she turns and walks back down the stairs, and when she disappears, I sigh. I should’ve asked her if she wanted to be friends when I had the chance, instead of spending two whole minutes looking around like a kid in Disneyland.
Pouting, I take another deep breath, promising myself that next time, I’ll do better. I know I’m capable of making friends. I know I can be a really good friend, if only someone gives me the chance. Back home, everyone avoided me. Because everyone knew me. They knew who I was and what I’ve done, and they automatically decided that they were better off without having someone like me in their lives.
But right here, right now, as I stare at the closed door, I have hope. Next time, I promise.
Knocking softly, I move my weight on both feet as I wait to see if my roommate will open the door. If not, then I’ll use my key.
“Coming!” A beautiful, soft voice speaks before the door is pulled open to reveal the prettiest female my eyes have ever seen. Blond hair reaches her shoulders gracefully, while her bright blue eyes accentuate her features and enhance her beauty. She’s wearing jeans hot-shorts that make her legs seem like she came straight out of a modeling magazine, and I feel like an elf standing in front of her. “Hey, there! Are you my roomie?!”
“Yes!” I yell, then cringe when she giggles at me, my face red with embarrassment at my evident excitement.
“Come on in.” She pulls the door wide enough for me to pass. “I’m Alice, but my friends call me Ali.”
My eyes quickly scan the small room to find two beds opposite from each other. One has bland white sheets on it, while the other has a bright red cover to match with Alice’s T shirt. There are two desks in between the beds, one of which already has a laptop and books on top. Looking to my left, I notice a wide closet and a couch with a table and a mini fridge.
“It’s not much, but it’s better than staying with the parents, right?” Alice jokes as her eyes follow mine around the room, and I flinch slightly because that hit closer to home than she’d ever know.
Anything is honestly better than staying back there.
“I’m Lillian.” I state, stretching my hand for her to shake a little awkwardly. “I go by Anne, though. It’s very nice to meet you, Alice. And you are very pretty.”
“Aren’t you a cutie?!” She suddenly pulls me in a tight hug, and I gulp. “You get to call me Ali, you little muffin.”
My heart aches inside my chest because I think I just made my very first friend in six long years.
“Really?” I squeak happily as I hug her back, the height difference between us not even bothering me.
“Of course! We’re gonna be the best of friends, I just know it.” She states loudly, and I feel the sting of happy tears in my eyes as I pull back.
“You won’t regret that. I promise.” I assure her seriously, and she barks out a musical laugh.
“I’m sure I won’t.” She nods her head at me, the bright red lipstick she has on perfectly fitting her extroverted personality. “Do you want any help getting the rest of your belongings?”
My eyes follow her hand that points at the door, and I clear my throat before shaking my head. “No, everything I need is right here.”
I pat my suitcase happily, and she raises an eyebrow at me before shrugging. “Whatever you say, muffin. Now get settled in quickly because I’m taking you out for lunch.”
Biting my lip, I try to swallow the lump in my throat so I wouldn’t burst in tears and freak her out. Nodding my head rapidly, I grab my suitcase and do as told.
