The Final Bar
My mother always told me I was special, not different. But all my life, I’ve felt like a stranger—no matter where I am.
I don’t blame anyone: I know I haven’t been easy to deal with. Talking to strangers is hard for me. Understanding them, even more. On top of that, I keep a ridiculously strict routine that, if disrupted, causes me such overwhelming anxiety I can’t breathe and end up with a splitting headache. (No, I’m not exaggerating.)
Anyway, as I was saying, I’m not the simplest person—but over time, I’ve learned to manage. At this point in my life, people accept me more out of resignation than fondness.
Sorry, I’m getting carried away. That’s not what I meant to tell you.
Today, I turned eighty.
And I celebrated by giving the last concert of my life. After seventy uninterrupted years of work, I received the final round of applause, and the curtain closed for the last time. It may sound simple written out like this—but truth be told, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Music has been everything to me. Stronger than my worn-out spine, and warmer than this old heart still fighting to beat. And that’s exactly why I’ve decided to write this: because my natural apathy keeps me from sharing all I’ve lived—and I don’t want it to vanish with me into the dust.
Today, after the concert, I was taken—with my wife—to a gala dinner. Dozens of people and reporters gathered to honor this old man. They asked me to share some reflections from over the years. I had so much to say… but the lights and the crowd overwhelmed me. In the end, as always, I mumbled a few words while my wife translated for me all that I wished I could express.
Don’t get me wrong—I adore that she helps me. She’s done so, beautifully and passionately, for years. But just once, I want to do it on my own terms. Without my quirks getting in the way. And that’s what I’ll try to do in these pages.
I’m not a writer. I’m just a grumpy old man with too much free time.
So forgive me if I ramble here and there. Please, be patient.
That said, if I had to begin summarizing my life… I suppose I should start at the beginning. Properly.
