Chapter 1
I used to hear people say, ‘You won’t know who truly loves you until your relationship is tested through hard times’ I never truly understood what they meant by it—until everything fell apart.
At one point I had everything I ever wanted. A loving husband, an adorable six-year-old daughter and a fulfilling job as a nurse in a respected hospital.
My husband Christopher was an accountant he had his own office, we’ve met ten years ago at a crosswalk—we literally crashed into each other. Silly I know, but that’s how it happened. I just finished a 12-hour shift at the hospital, one minute I was reaching for my protein bar; the next, I was covered in papers and blushing like a teenager. We ended up in a nearby pizza shop, and somewhere between thin-crust slices, soda and shared laughter, we were hooked for one another.
Six months later, Chris introduced me to his mother, Caroline. She was so sweet, warm and welcoming, the kind of woman that made you feel instantly at home. His father had passed away when he was twelve. I, on the other hand, had no family—an orphan, with no siblings, no real roots, I have never even met my parents. Caroline didn’t just accept me; she embraced me as her own daughter.
A year later, Chris proposed. I said yes without hesitation. I still remember his vows as if he said them yesterday: ‘I vow to love you in every season—on the good days and the sleepless ones, through quiet breakfasts and loud tantrums…’ And oh god how true those words turned out to be. When Lily was first born, we slept in rotation—exhausted, drained but full of love.
Every time I step into our living room, I remember the night we moved into our house. It was completely empty, the walls carrying the faint scent of fresh paint from the night before. I had snuck in a few drops of lavender oil behind Chris’s back to soften the smell while he went out to pick up pizza for dinner. We laid on floor with open boxes and a bottle of cheap wine between us, laughing and dreaming about the life that we are going to build in this cozy little place that we now call home.
We agreed to wait on starting a family until his firm made its big break, but life had other plans. Not long after his big break, we found out that were expecting. Caroline was over the moon when she first held her granddaughter, Lily. The day we lost her was devastating—especially for Lily, who was so attached to her nana. She loved visiting Caroline’s house to help her bake cookies. She would climb onto the step stool, toss the flour on the counter like fairy dust, and drop the sugar and the chocolate chips with exaggerated care. Every time she tries to crack an egg, Caroline would gently beat her to it. Lily would pout, arms crossed, until Caroline say ‘Next time, cookie’ and that would always bring back her smile. Oh, and the mixing part always makes me laugh—Lily always insists on squishing the dough with her hands, despite Caroline’s gentle protests and offers of a spatula. But in the end, she always got her way, dough-covered fingers and all.
At night, Lily had this habit of sneaking into our bed, clutching her stuffed bear named Brownie. She would wedge herself right between me and Chris, her tiny feet cold against our legs, and demand a story from her father. We never had the heart to send her back to her room. Chris would grumble at first, pretending to protests, but he always gave in—telling both of us girls a bed time story until Lily drifts off to sleep, nestled safely between us.
We weren’t rich, but we had everything we needed. We had just finished paying off the mortgage on our lovely two-story house, and life felt… perfect.
Or so I thought.
It was a dreadful Wednesday.
I remember wanting to take the day off and spend it with Lily—she didn’t have school today, and I thought maybe, just maybe, we could persuade Chris to take the day off too. We could’ve had a lazy morning, made pancakes, snuggled on the couch and watch Lily’s favorite movie. But sadly, I couldn’t move my shift. Instead of dropping her at her friend’s house like we planned, Chris offered to stay with her and work from home.
I protested like a child, dragging my feet around the house and feigning a sore throat in a pathetic attempt to call in sick. Lily burst into giggles watching her mother act so silly. In the end, I gave up. I pulled her into a big hug, peppered her face with kisses until she squealed with laughter, then I kissed Chris on the lips and told them both ‘I love you. I’ll miss you.’
I walked out of the house, got into my car, and waved to them through the window—Liley holding Brownie against the glass, Chris’s arm around her shoulders.
And then I drove to work.
The day started like any other day. I was on my shift at the hospital, making my rounds, checking on patients, following doctors’ orders. Routine. Predictable.
Until we were called to the emergency entrance—an ambulance was on its way. Another hit-and-run, someone said. I had seen dozens of those before.
But when the paramedics rolled the gurney through the doors, my blood turned to ice.
Time stopped.
There was something eerily familiar with the way her hair fell across her check, the tiny red shoes with white flowers dangling off the edge of the gurney. My brain tried to shield me from the truth for just a second longer… but then I saw the bracelet—the custom-made bracelet that I brought her on her birthday.
There she was.
My daughter.
Lying lifeless, drenched in her own blood.
My brain froze. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t process anything.
Everything blurred until I heard someone shout, “Her heart stopped again! Start compressions! Where’s the doctor? Did anyone page Dr. Williams yet?”
Then they all disappeared behind the double door.
I finally snapped out of my daze and ran, legs barely functioning, chasing after them—desperate to get to her, to be with her. Tears poured down my face. My entire body trembled. I was hysterical. I screamed her name over and over, begging her to wake up, to answer, to come back.
A flashback slammed into me—this morning, at breakfast. She had hugged me, her arms sticky with syrup. ‘I love you, Mommy!’ she chirped before skipping upstairs to wash her hands.
God… please, don’t let that be the last time she hugs me with syrupy fingers…
But my colleagues stopped me. Strong arms held me back, shaking me out of my hysterical state. Voices tried to soothe me— gently, firmly—urging me to wait, to have faith, to trust them.
But how do you trust anything…when your world is bleeding out behind a pair of steel doors?
