Prologue
My breath hitched as Jaden moved closer to me, close enough for me to feel the warmth of his body. So close that I could almost taste his heady scent. I remained still, unsure how to respond to his sudden proximity, not wanting to scare him off again.
But all my reservations jumped out the window when I felt those lips crash against mine.
My eyes fluttered close as my body melted into his touch. It seemed like the entire world had come alive. His wet lips, hungrily devouring mine, sparked a fire that threatened to consume me and I couldn't help but let myself get lost in the passion.
One moment he was kissing me against the wall of my room like his life depended on it, and the next his warmth was gone. All too soon.
Jaden pulled back even more, now standing by the entrance of my room. Both our chests heaved with ragged breaths, but his eyes…they were wide with a mix of desire and panic. "I shouldn't be doing this," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not...I'm not gay."
Those words shattered my heart. It was easy. He'd stepped into my life and mindlessly broken down all my walls, and I'd let him. It'd felt good to be cared for but as my eyes locked on his, I knew what was about to happen.
I didn't move, didn't speak… I was too scared. The scene was way too familiar but I hoped. Holding his gaze, my heart pounded in my chest like a drum.
For what felt like an eternity, we stood there, the tension between us palpable. My body screamed to reach out, to pull Jaden back in, to show him that it didn't matter what labels we used. To make him understand he didn't have to be so scared. To remind him that we could take it slow. But I restrained myself, my eyes never leaving his.
I vowed that if Jaden couldn't fight for me, if he couldn't admit his true feelings, then I would let him be.
No, I wouldn't push, wouldn't pressure him. He didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve it either. Not after everything I'd been through. I needed someone who'd at least make an effort to keep me in their life.
So I simply waited, my heart open, my fears surfacing. The ball was in his court now.
Three seconds later and my heart shattered when I watched him take a step back, his eyes still locked on mine, but his body language screamed retreat.
My fingers twitched, the desire to keep him close growing desperately. But Jayla’s words invaded my mind again, taunting me with their cruel truth. "How many times will he reject you?! Aren't you tired?"
The questions echoed in my mind like a curse, reminding me of all the times Jaden pulled away, all the times he left me hanging.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I just... I can't, Book. I'm scared and I..." His words trailed off, but I didn't need to hear more. I knew the drill all too well.
Suddenly furious, I wiped away my tears, the pounding in my chest now overtaken by a sharp pain. "This, us... It's over, Jaden. Please, just let me go this time. Don't come back only to break the pieces I barely manage to put together." I stuttered looking away from him.
I was done fighting for us, done waiting for him to make up his mind. It was time to let go.
