Feather & Firearm

Staring at the monster from behind my gun, my heart is racing. It’s like I’m waiting. But I’m not sure for what.

Anything?

Hell, in one way it looks even more scared than I feel. But I guess I would be too if I had a gun pointed at my head and no weapon of my own.

This is not the first time I’ve been standing in front of one, though - it’s only the first one who has never tried to fight back.

The military has hunted this monster for five years, at least that is what it says in the report, but it has only run away when we have gotten close.

But this time, we trapped him. It? It looks like a him, though.

Sitting in the corner beside a dusty old dresser, the monster holds its feathery arms around his head. Watching me with fear, and something else I can’t really place, as I’m pointing my gun.

He’s not even flinching.

I’ve always found feathers to be fascinating. How they seem so fragile, but in reality so strong. And I can’t help but study his. They’re dark with what looks like a bluish undertone.

I wish I could move him so I could see how they would look in the sunlight, but that doesn’t seem like something I should ask right now.

Hey, could you move away from the shadows so I can study your feathers better? Yeah, probably not a good idea so I’m biting my tongue behind my mask.

With my finger resting against the trigger, the monster watches me carefully from behind his arms. Its light green eyes are a little bigger than a human with a big black iris.

The dark feathers are covering his head for which a trail of feathers goes down from his hairline to the shoulders, elbow and ends just above its wrists. Its hands look human, except I can’t see fingernails. Not even claws.

But it said in the report that he uses his claws when he climbs trees?

Its feet look like paws with sharp claws on each toe, but instead of fur there’s feathers going from above the calf up to its knees. His short pants are ripped at the ends and hides the rest. The nose is small and flat like a cat’s.

Without noticing, my hand falls slightly. This monster doesn’t look threatening at all where he has his feet up to its chest and arms covering his head. The feathers look to be laying tightly against its body as a protective shield.

The sergeant said it was deadly.

A monster so fast it could kill before you knew it. Yet for every attempt to try to capture it, it has never attacked.

I thought it was because it couldn’t come close enough.

But now? It looks weary at me, probably a little impatient and confused that I haven’t shot it yet too. And I must say I do feel the same.

The fuck am I doing? I should do my job. Shoot it with the tranquilizer and drag him back to base. But…

It doesn’t feel right.

The world for a moment seems to go still as I can’t look away from him. Staring into its eyes from behind my headgear.

I should pull the trigger.

Voices from outside drags me out of my head and I make a rookie error by turning to the door. It doesn’t take long to correct and I quickly turn back. But to my surprise, the monster hasn’t moved a muscle.

I blink. Heart still racing, but I’m not as afraid as when I first found him in this moldy motel room.

If it was so fast and deadly as the sergeant and the reports says I should be dead. But I don’t see anything threatening when I look at the monster. And I just looked away.

It was only for a second - but every second counts.

Voices of the other soldiers are outside, still looking for it. They could come in at any minute.

My finger still rests on the trigger, but I find myself unable to pull it. Or shout out that the monster is in here, with me.

Something coils in my stomach when I try to will myself to pull it. My jaw tightens as a small frustrated groan escapes my throat. The monster tilts his head slightly at that.

My eyes dart to the window that leads to the back of the motel. Craning my neck I can’t see anyone outside.

The monster seems confused when I lower my gun.

I can’t believe what I’m doing either.

“Can you move?” I ask in a low voice and his eyes widens in surprise but never loses the weariness when I speak. After a short pause, the monster nods.

So it can understand what I’m saying. That isn’t in the report. But then again, we’ve never gotten close enough to talk to it.

“There’s no one outside the window.” I continue as the monster’s eyes dart to the open window and back, but it doesn’t move.

Lowering my gun I carefully move away to give the monster a clear path.

The fuck am I doing?

“Run. Before I change my mind.” I whisper, it comes out harder than I intended. A sound outside the door makes me turn. There’s a ruffling sound beside me that makes my heart jump and before I really get to think the thought, the gun is pointed to the corner. Which is now empty.

The window sways slightly before it stops moving.

Two fellow soldiers barge into the room shortly after, quickly scanning the mostly empty room before they turn their attention to me. I swallow hard behind my headgear.

We’re all wearing camo gear, and right now I wish I could disappear into the surroundings. Because I feel more exposed than ever.

“Did you find it?” One of them asks and I shake my head.

“No, it’s not here. The rooms up here are empty.” I answer. It’s not a lie. They are empty.

But it wasn’t a minute ago.

The hell did you just do? A voice whispers at the back of my mind. I try not to think about what will happen to me if they were to find out that I let it go.

The monster didn’t kill me, though. It only took the opportunity to flee when given.

“Then it got away, again.” One of the soldiers curses. I swallow but keep calm. My palms are a little sweaty inside my gloves.

“The sergeant isn’t going to be happy about that.” The other with a thick Texas accent says.

“Sarge wants us down stairs.” A female soldier says as she pops her head in the door before disappearing again.

Making our way down, the sergeant gathers us in front of the empty motel. A ball of hay blows past an abandoned rusty car that looks to have been sitting for the last decade. The building is in no better shape.

I wonder how this place must have looked like before the monsters came fifteen years ago.

There’s a broken vending machine at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the second floor. The glass is shattered and its content gone. Probably raided by raiders or drifters.

Or maybe even monsters, I wonder. As they need to eat too.

“The monster got away again.” A soldier in the group says and the sergeant grunts in annoyance.

“Everyone into the cars and get back to base. The officers will want a full report.” The sergeant says, looking straight at me. Shifting my weight, I’m not looking away.

I barely hear the next words because my heart is racing in my chest when sergeant Wilson turns away.

“But there’s nothing to report. It ran away again.” The female from before says.

“I’m not the one who makes the rules.” The sergeant turns sharply, clearly furious that this was yet another failed mission. His hands are tight as rocks when he walks back to the cars.

But the monster didn’t run away, I let it go. The realization is slowly dawning on me. I swallow hard and keep my thoughts to myself as doubt starts to creep in.

Did I do the right thing?

It’s an agonizing trip back to base as I sit in the back of the vehicle. The bumpy ride doing nothing to help ease the storm in my head.

At all.

I don’t really regret what I did, but still - I just hope nobody saw. The trouble I would get in is something I try hard not to think about.

As much as I try, I can’t shake the image of the monster. His demeanor was nothing like the report said. I saw no aggression nor quick to violence as it so states.

Rather the opposite. And something else. Resilience, perhaps?

One of the four soldiers guarding the entrance pushes a button and talks into the wall before the barbed wire gate rolls to the side to let us in. When we finally come to a stop, I jump out and find my way to a square box building working as sleeping quarters.

Every building is merely a colorless box. No soul whatsoever. But function over fashion I guess. Which I would also agree to, but the world hasn’t been a good place since the first monster came out of nowhere.

There’s plenty of rumors though. Portals. Rifts. Mirrors. Jumping out of what looks like a black hole in the night sky - which is actually a black matter cloud in space according to the scientists.

We’ve tried to figure out what the black hole is since forever, but they don’t seem to be any closer. And right now, that is not our priority as monsters are now knocking at our front doors.

Religion believes it’s armageddon, the Second Coming, God’s punishment on human kind, you name it.

Finding my way to the room, there’s a wave to the side I barely notice before I round a corner. Opening the door, I lean my back against the door after I close it. The room is a small square, but it has all someone like me needs.

There’s a bed and a desk with stacks of neatly put papers and a pen house. Everything in its place.

I usually never stay in one compound for long. Would another transfer be a good idea now? There’s a heavy rock falling into my chest by the thought about moving again.

This time I wouldn’t move for my usual reasons though.

Pulling off my gloves I put them into my pocket.

Slumping down in the uncomfortable chair I find what I need to write the report.

“But what the hell do I write?” I mumble to myself as I take off my helmet and pull down my mask. Rubbing my face I continue to drag them through my damp hair.

If I tell them that I let him go, I will be in huge trouble! Not only will my dream to become the best marksman shatter but they’ll probably, I swallow hard, desert me.

My father would have killed me if he knew what I did. But my mother would probably just laugh, and I find myself smiling like a crazy person at that. My father always said I was more like her.

A knock at the door almost makes me jump out of my skin. Taking a deep breath, I hesitate before I get up and walk over.

As far as I know, no one saw me in that room. Or knew that the monster was in it.

I let the air trapped in my lungs out when I see the blond head of my self proclaimed friend standing in the hallway.

Seeming I move a lot I like to keep to myself. No need to make the move harder than it has to be.

“Caleb,” There’s a small pause as Alex studies me. I try and feel like I’m failing to shield my soul from his amber eyes with an over-friendly smile. “What happened? You look pale.”

“Nothing, just tired.” I answer with a small shrug.

I like to believe I’m usually good at lying, but Alex has an annoying tendency to look right through them. Even if we’ve just known each other for a few months.

And this time is no different as his eyes narrow while he watches me closely. His brow arch slightly upwards.

“Did you get the monster?” Alex asks, I swallow and shake my head.

“No, it got away. I’m just about to write the report. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria at dinner. Then you can tell me all about how your squad came back before ours.” I smile tightly, changing the subject.

Alex lets out a dry chuckle but he nods before he walks down the hall.

I’m guessing it went as well as ours did. If not, there would be cheers ringing the halls followed by the stale smell of cheap beer.

The Golden Squad have a knack to go a bit overboard when they get their target. But then, every excuse to celebrate when the world has fallen to shit, I guess.

Closing the door behind me, I walk over to the table and sit down. Grabbing a pen, I get ready to write a lie.