Chapter 1 - Pish Posh
Brenna Blackwater
“Now, hold still, dear.”
“Ssss. OUCH!” I was unable to refrain from yelping as Helena poked me in the hip with a needle.
“Well, I said hold still for a reason, didn’t I?” Helena chuckled as she continued pinning material on me.
I was so worried that I would be deathly bored in the solitude of my room, agonizing over Jasper’s leading the horde. I nearly forgot about all the fuss that goes into wedding ceremonies. I have never been one to be frivolous or materialistic. However, Helena had other plans. She nearly pulled me out of bed by my toes at dawn every day for the past three weeks to prepare. Honestly, I think she is more excited than I am about my impending wedding. My thoughts have been too preoccupied with concern for my soon-to-be husband’s safety to revel in the bliss of marriage.
Helena, for her part, could not constrain her eagerness. She had thrown herself into the planning of our wedding, but I didn’t mind for two reasons to be exact. The first reason, truth be told, was that I had never thought that far ahead—for I never imagined I would feel any joy about marriage, let alone have a voice in the decorations or my attire. It was customary for the bride and groom’s parents to plan every last detail. Most human weddings were burdened with matters of appearance and etiquette, and I was grateful to be spared the torment of fretting over every trifling detail.
Secondly, I believe I have come to know Helena well. If there is anyone who loves Jasper more than I do, it is her. Time and again, I have caught her stealing glances from southern-facing windows, lost in thought. I have observed the quiet way she listens as servant girls and lady’s maids whisper tidings gleaned from returning warriors. Though she feigns indifference, she clings to every word. She immerses herself in work, not out of joy, but out of necessity—for distraction’s sake. In this, she and I are alike.
I, too, busy myself with tasks, watch from the same windows, and hang upon the gossip regarding the war, all because I long to see him ride through the great entrance atop his fáel and return home—whole, safe, and mine. And so does she. Until that day comes, we must find ways to keep from going mad. If throwing herself into the planning of our wedding grants her some measure of peace, then let her have it.
Wishing not to overburden her, I begged Helena to plan a simple arrangement. She would hear none of it. Pish posh, she declared, waving away my concern. These days, I felt more a pin cushion than a bride, as she worked tirelessly, her excited chatter filling the chamber. I observed my reflection in the vanity. Despite the pricking of pins and the endless adjustments, my heart swelled with anticipation. With every careful stitch, her vision took shape, and with it, the reality of my fate settled upon me. It still felt unreal. I never imagined being cast from my homeland, now amid the Orruk horde, betrothed to their Chief. Yet not a trace of regret lingered in me. I was wholly, irrevocably enchanted by Jasper. To wed so kind and gentle a husband felt nothing short of a miracle.
Yet something gnawed at me, a shadow upon my joy, keeping me from embracing happiness fully. What would my father and my people do when they learned of my marriage to Jasper? The thought turned my stomach. Would my father’s army lay siege to the gates, cutting us down without mercy? Would he proclaim to his people that I had been coerced and not of sound mind? These fears were coiled within me, but I didn’t know how to express them. The few orcs and women aware of our union rejoiced, their hearts light with celebration. I could not bear to dampen their joy with my dread.
I had not realized until now how Jasper had dismissed thoughts of marriage or starting a family until he shared the news of our engagement. A family, I repeated in my mind. Again, I found myself thinking about our wedding night. I am uncertain of many things but could only assume the thing in his pants was a part of it and that he would enter inside me. I don’t even know what to call it. I had only seen it a few times. I tried to look away when it was visible, though it was difficult to ignore. My cheeks burned at the thought. The only time I had felt it, I recalled the heat and pressure, making me more aware of how much I didn’t yet understand.
“What’s the matter, dear? Are your nerves getting the better of you?” Helena’s voice brought me back from my trance. I realized how red and clammy I had become. I patted my palms against my skirt out of instinct to wick away my clamminess, only to be prodded by pins. “Brenna, Watch out!”
It was too late. A few drops of blood beaded from the pinprick on my skin. Thank the gods it did not get on the fabric. Helena might have suffocated me if I ruined all her hard work. She grabbed a scrap to dab at my hand and watched me, waiting for me to say something. “I- I’m fine. It’s just a bit hot in here,” I faltered.
She looked at me suspiciously. “Dear, you’re welcome to confide in me. I’m always willing to lend an ear.”
I hesitated, wondering if my uncertainty would be too shameful for her ears. Helena was not a stickler for appropriateness, but she was at least in her forties. Secondly, she was, in essence, Jasper’s mother. I pondered this for a moment. “I have just been worried about the wedding night,” I choked.
“What was that, Dear? I didn’t quite catch what you said.”
Heat radiated up my back and into my cheeks. I needed to know, and Helena seemed like a maternal figure I could confide in. “I—um. I am worried about the wedding night—that’s all.” I hoped she might take my words as a hint to elaborate.
She immediately looked surprised and a bit embarrassed. “Oh dear, has your mother not explained anything to you, love?”
I shook my head. Helena hadn’t realized that she had died long- giving birth to me.
“Well, uh-um, intimacy is umm.” Her voice was unsteady, trying to find the right words. I now felt as horrified as she appeared.
“A man and a woman will lie together to show affection to one another- and if you are fortunate, his seed will take inside your womb, and you will be able to bear him a child.”
She waited for me to respond to see if I was satisfied with her answer. I wasn’t, of course. I wanted to know the dynamics of how it would happen. I decided to nod my head in approval rather than further mortify her. That was that. She went back to pinning and humming a happy melody to herself as a lady’s maid passed her more pins.
Later that afternoon, once Helena finished with me, I was left to think more about the topic without worrying that someone might see the shame on my face as she had earlier. Helena hadn’t said anything that I didn’t already know. I wanted to understand what would happen and maybe a terminology lesson, at the very least. I shook the embarrassment from my head and dunked my stinging hands into the basin of fresh water. I looked around Jasper’s bathroom as I did so. It felt surreal living in his quarters, especially with him gone.
A month and a few days had passed since he departed. He could return any day now or several more weeks. I ached for him terribly, my heart heavy with worry. According to the most recent intelligence, Jasper and his company had been on the front lines. The passage of time had only exasperated the war. The Orruk continued to control the border, but supplies were beginning to run low now that we were nearing mid-fall. They would likely return soon for more supplies. Once that happened, he and I would be married within days of his homecoming. The anticipation threatened to slaughter me. I piled my long, amber tresses onto my head and pinned them in place before pulling the ribbons of my apron into a neat bow around my waist. I cannot stand to sit here any longer. It was getting dark now. I’m sure Helena and the servant girls would appreciate an extra pair of hands in the kitchen.
Upon reaching the lower hall, I set about serving food as I always did. That was until Helena saw me and stopped dead in her tracks. Brenna! Helena bayed at me, gathering up the skirt of her dress as she marched over to me. I knew what she was about to say. I began to retort that it wouldn’t be right if I did not contribute. She pulled me into the kitchen before the words could fall from my lips. “Brenna, there is no need to overwork yourself. Jasper could be back anytime now. You need to be fresh for your big day. Now go on back upstairs and relax, love.”
“But Helena-”
“No buts.” She said, trying to pull me out the door to send me back upstairs.
I out-maneuvered her, which wasn’t too difficult as she was a head shorter than me. “No, Helena. I insist. I can’t lounge about while everyone else is hard at work.” She puffed at me like a ruffled hen. She didn’t seem like she was planning to budge. “Please, Helena. I am ashamed to sit around all day while they fight tirelessly with the humans. This is all I can do to take responsibility for my part in this.”
“Oh, good grief. Fine, but-” I went to hug Helena, but she put a finger up, halting me, “You are staying in the kitchen. You can tend to the stew.”
I grimaced as she promptly nodded before pulling a chair up to the edge of the hearth. “There, you sit here and not tire yourself out,” she said, placing a ladle in my hand before waddling back into the great hall to tend the fire pit.
I dragged myself over to the chair and plopped down. I wanted to come down here to move and get my mind off my worries, not sit here and stew, literally and figuratively. I propped my chin on my closed fist and watched the liquid simmer, the ladle undulation on my idle index finger. My thoughts ate away at me as I watched bits of carrot and potato bob around the pot. “Gods, I can’t just sit and glower at a fucking potato all night,” I grumbled.
Soft chuckling hummed from behind me, causing me to nearly tip over in my seat. I spun around to see the same lady’s maid from this morning sitting across the room. I didn’t notice her when I first came in. “Gods, you scared me.” I nervously laughed as my heart thudded in my chest a few more seconds before steadying in rhythm.
She laughed again before answering. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just never thought I’d hear you curse. I think these orcs are leaving an impression on you.” She laughed while cutting up some greens.
What is her name? I strained, trying to recall it. I had only seen her a handful of times. She was usually sitting behind Helena, handing her pins for my dress. “Probably so,” I spoke humorously while settling back in my chair. “So, what does Helena have you cooped up here for?” I asked, hoping I’d found a sister in solidarity.
“Same as you. Well, close. Helena doesn’t want me to strain myself.” My cloud of confusion dissipated as she stood up and walked toward me. She held the bowl of greens in one hand and caressed a pregnant belly with the other. I felt thoughtless for not having noticed before, but in fairness, I have only ever seen her sitting behind a table.
“Here, let me get those.” I jumped up and met her halfway across the room. “You have a much better excuse than I do.” She followed behind me and sat in the chair by the hearth.
“Those are for the stew. You pour them, and I’ll stir it,” she smiled.
Of course, I obliged. I carefully dumped the greens in as she mixed them in. Despite my watchfulness, a few leaves waned on the cobbled floor. I watched the heat wilt the greens as they fell into the bubbling liquid. Once finished, I pulled up another chair and sat across from her. I had to admit I was a little intrigued. I had not seen any pregnant women. Most of them stayed in the family quarters or village. I was curious. What is it like being pregnant, especially by an orc?
“When are you due?” I asked as she stirred the pot thoughtfully.
“It’s hard to say. Some women can give birth a bit sooner or later than expected. The healers say I still have at least another two or three months to go,” she sighed. “I worry I don’t have much room left to grow the little one,” she laughed.
“I bet his father is very proud.” She smiled dimly and nodded before tasting a bit of the soup. She jumped and placed her hand back on her belly. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. The little one is just kicking me in the bloody rib.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
We sat for a while, listening to the sounds of the stew bubbling before she broke the silence between us. “So, what did you want to know about your wedding night?” I inhaled in shame and began choking on my saliva. I forgot about her being there during that conversation with Helena. “Oh gods, are you okay?” She laughed once I gathered myself. “I just thought I’d ask. Helena couldn’t have answered your questions with that vague speech. She can’t help she is a bit old-fashioned.”
“I guess you could say that. I just haven’t been enlightened on such matters,” I stuttered. “I’m not completely naive, but confess I don’t know much.”
“Well, what do you want to know? I’m an expert,” she laughed, patting her stomach.
I hesitated, not having the nerve to speak up. I wasn’t sure what to ask. I had made assumptions about what would happen but didn’t know what else I needed to know about it. “I,” I stuttered. I’m not sure what to ask, I-”
“Should I start from the top? I don’t mind. I’m not easily embarrassed. I have been in your shoes, not knowing what to expect.” I looked at her, still frozen in shame. “Well, to put it bluntly, He will put his cock in your pussy. Now, some things lead up to that, but-”
“C-cock?” Bewilderment spread across my face. “You mean the thing between his-” I trailed off.
“Yeah, you know his dick.” She laughed.
“Oh!” I cut her off. “Yes, I know that much. Granted, I didn’t know what to call it.”
She withheld a snort and giggled in response. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. I can imagine how you must feel.”
“I’m afraid it will hurt. Does it hurt?” I asked, unsure if I wanted the answer. What we had done had felt pleasurable, but the stories from women from home were awful. I shuddered at the thought of husbands forcing their selves upon their unassuming brides.
“It can be uncomfortable the first few times, but not unbearable so long as he is gentle. After that, it gets better- much better.”
Just then, Helena burst through the kitchen, ending our conversation. “Brenna? Could you bring the stew out to the table, love?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll be right there.” I looked at the lady’s maid across from me and mouthed, “Thank you.” She nodded and smiled. While I was still worried, talking to her made me feel better. I wrapped a thick cloth around the handle before lifting the bulky pot from the hearth and heading to the great hall.
