I Don't Deserve to be Sad

This is a poem for anyone who has made the wrong choice and realized too soon. For anyone who gave up on the wrong person and had to watch them be happy with someone else. For anyone who has hurt a loved one with their words and actions, giving up their last chance but regretting it when it is too late.

You are toxic, but you don't mean to be.

You are angry, sad, frustrated, but you don't remember how to be otherwise.

You are not alone. We are not perfect, but we are trying.

I wrote this poem out of pure impulse and raw emotions, no edits or revisions. Just a small blurb of my thoughts and regrets to a person who is not gone from this world, but I know I am gone from their heart.

Sometimes writing down our true feelings in disguise can help a person overcome their wave of sadness and regret, even just for a moment. I hope reading this can help others do the same and realize you are not alone.

Thank you for taking the time to read <3

~

I don’t deserve to be sad.

I fucked up, and I can’t fix it.

I made endless mistakes and took for granted too many chances.

I don’t deserve to be sad.

He didn’t deserve to be hurt. He didn’t deserve to be abandoned.

I made a choice, a stupid one. I made a choice out of fear, out of false comfort.

I was afraid you wouldn’t want me. I only showed the surface, and that was enough of a mess. What if you saw what was underneath?

You are in a place of acceptance, of healing and positivity. You know what you deserve, what you want, and won’t settle for anything less. What if I wasn’t good enough?

All the what-ifs, I never stopped to ask myself – but what if he doesn’t? What if he still accepts me?

I chose someone who hurt me, betrayed me, and offered me the bare minimum of love. I was blind, so blind, I couldn’t see the amazing love I have been waiting for. It was right in front of me, but I turned it away.

I was toxic. I AM toxic.

I don’t deserve to be sad.

I don’t deserve to cry over you, your absence, or missed opportunities.

It is my karma, my consequences. The hurt I have caused, let it come back to me in constant waves.

Regret will always wash over me, reminding me of the mistakes I have made, and that apologies can’t always fix everything.

You deserve the very best of everything. You deserve the love that overflows within you, an outpouring of never-ending appreciation and respect.

My biggest wish, my only wish, is that you find it.

May my absence bring you the peace my presence took away from you. May my actions and behaviour forever remind you that you deserve better.

Idon’tdeserve to be sad, but I will remain here with tears in my eyes and pain etched in my heart, hoping for the miracle that I am one day deserving of you.