I’ll Survive Even If Kills Me, One Day It Will

If your here. You can relate and I’m sorry.

Unkown Female Pov

I’m not going to to introduce myself anytime soon and maybe not ever. Telling you my story is vulnerable enough for me right now.

You know I get sick of hearing those fucking stupid lines. You know the ones.

‘Your so strong’

‘Everything you’ve been through made you stronger’

‘Your always so happy’

‘Everything Happens for a reason’

“Be postive’

“Other people have it worse’

‘It’s all in your head’

“Your not the only person who goes through a lot’

‘Your lazy’

‘Your always so negative’

‘Attention seeker’

“Just go for a walk, that’ll make you feel better”

I’m not strong and it’s all a fucking act until i’m alone behind closed doors then i’m the real me. The real me. Yes her. She’s broken and full of trauma. She’s exhausted and most days she wishes she was dead. I mean she’s tried. 2x failed attempts or it is it 3 now? Honestly it’s probably a dozen if not more. Point is she is me and i’m not fucking ok, never have been never will be.

I’m not lazy i’m tired of fighting the constant battle in my head all day while acting like i’m ok, smiling, laughing and playing the part.

Do you know what it feels like to have your own brain hate you? Tell you your not good enough, your worthless, your a burden, your broken, that you deserve everything that happens to you and that you don’t deserve to be alive.

I do and it fucking sucks.

And I know it’s all true.

I’m going to tell you what led me to this point. My story if you will. Maybe i’ll finish telling it before the voices in my head win maybe I won’t.

Either way you are not alone. I can’t take anymore but I believe you can but if you can’t it’s ok too.

I hope you have a support system but I also know as soon as people get too close and see your soul is so fucking dark and twisted they run atleast they do with me. My soul may be dark and twisted but it is fucking beautiful it shows I survived every vile and atrocious thing people have thought was ok to do and say to me.