"Quiet House, Loud Soul" by elmira at Inkitt
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"Quiet House, Loud Soul"

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Summary

When the whole world sleeps, she is awake — caught in a battle with time, guilt, and herself. Every moment of silence screams louder than a thousand words. Can a girl’s promise bear the weight of sacrifice — or will the dawn completely swallow her dreams?

Genre
Other
Author
elmira
Status
Ongoing
Chapters
1
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
13+

Chapter 1

It was four o'clock, four in the morning, and she was still awake. She was busy with practice tests. The scent of the coffee from two hours ago still lingered. She didn't even have time to look at the clock. She was so lost in her notebooks that she hadn't noticed the darkness and the sunset. It was unlikely she would notice the sunrise either.

The tests were done. She left her room to make another cup of coffee. A strange feeling came over her. Everyone was asleep except her. Everyone had time to rest except her. The whole house was silent; she hadn't even noticed when the sound of the TV and her sister's playful noise had stopped. She walked toward her younger sister's room and gently peered through the crack in the door, watching her sleep peacefully. A wave of guilt washed over her, knowing she hadn't been able to play with her sister despite all her pleas.

She went to the kitchen and smelled food. After a moment, she realized she had no memory of eating dinner. Her mother had saved some food for her. She put off making coffee for now and heated up her meal. While the food was warming, she ate some fruits and snacks. When the food was ready, she served it on her favorite plate. With the first spoonful, she realized she had completely forgotten the taste of her mother's cooking. As she ate the last spoonful, her eye caught her own reflection in the spoon, and she didn't recognize herself. Seeing the dirty dishes in the kitchen, she remembered it had been a long time since she had helped her mother. She washed a few dishes and was about to go back to her room when her gaze fell on the window. She saw the neighborhood cat, which she used to feed, sleeping outside.

She missed the days when she was free and living, busy with the neighborhood cat and spending time with her sister. Looking up at the sky, she felt a strange emotion. It had been a long time since she had been alone with the sky. But still, the most captivating part of the sky for her was the moon. For several minutes, she stared at the moon without any distraction. The sky wasn't completely dark and was beginning to lighten, ready for the moon to give way to the sun. But it didn't matter to her; the moon was always beautiful, whether in the dark of night or in the light among the clouds.

When she returned to her room and stood in front of the mirror, she didn't recognize herself. She saw a girl with messy hair, puffy eyes with dark circles beneath them, and dry skin. She was nothing like her past self, who had always had neat, clean hair and smooth, radiant skin. The girl who always smelled of flowers now smelled more of dust than blossoms. But she hadn't even had time to take a shower. The girl who always had a fresh bouquet of flowers in her room now had a dried bunch of branches that had no resemblance to flowers. She sat down again at her desk, which was cluttered with notebooks, books, drafts, and her summary book. The sight of this made her sick, but she held on to the hope of living her dreams one day.

She promised herself that after she reached her goal, she would play with her sister, help her mother, feed the cat, take care of herself, and spend time with the sky. Her dreams were real, because her efforts were real.

Let elmira know what you thought about this chapter!
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Strong Dialog

author

Hi elmira,

I just finished reading your story Quiet House, Loud Soul and I loved it so much. Your writing is amazing, and I kept thinking how cool it would look as a comic.

I really loved the scene in Chapter 1 where the protagonist, overwhelmed by the silence of the house at 4 a.m., realizes she hasn't had time to rest or connect with her family. The imagery of her reflection in the spoon, not recognizing herself, is powerful and would translate beautifully into a manga, capturing the emotional depth and introspection.

Another standout moment is when she watches her younger sister sleep peacefully, feeling a wave of guilt for not being present. This tender moment would make for a poignant comic panel, highlighting the themes of sacrifice and familial bonds.

I’m a commissioned artist, and I’d love to draw your story into a comic/manga. No pressure though, I just think your work would look awesome in comic form.

You can check out some of my recent work on my DeviantArt (Username - Ev3Verse). If you’re interested, please message me on Discord (Username - Eve_Verse) so we can bring the story to life visually. I'll be waiting to hear from you!

Regards,
Evee

a year

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