Golden Coast

People are horrible. They are hypocrites. They preach love, peace, and acceptance— not for others, but to feel good about themselves. They paint an image of goodwill, But when someone comes for help? They look away. They brush them off.

They are liars. They are manipulators. Arrogant. Selfish.

They can’t be trusted….

…Right?

Maya

I never thought this is where I would end up

Well

Not like I had a solid idea to begin with.

After my….. Accident…. My life has felt foggy…..

As if I were present yet not conscious

Just letting the days trickle by, one by one

A simple, monotonous routine

Plain

boring

My mom thought that a change of pace would do me “nice”

So she convinced my dad to let us move to Los Angeles, in hopes that the noise and buzz of the city would serve as distractions for my mind

She hopes—I hope—That I’ll find people like me here

Not like we told my dad that that was a key reason as to why we chose LA…

“It’s been a while since we’ve last been here, hasn’t it?” said my mom, as she stared outside the car window— looking intently at the passing skyscrapers.

“Like what, 8 years? I remember it was fun, but we never got the real LA experience since we only lived here for a week.” “Ah, but now we’ll get the full package! The celebrity experience! It's exciting isn’t it?!”

I just stared at my mom in disinterest

We’re currently on the 101 freeway, heading to my school, that’s -inconveniently- in downtown LA

“Not really….” I said

“ It's not like we’re famous or anything….”

“Oh you know what I mean!” she said, with her usual sunny smile in place. “There’s a reason LA is so popular!Like, I enjoyed our time in New York yes, but it was so crowded, and so boring! Just building, building, oh Central Park, building again. “At least LA has pretty beaches and In-N-Out! I’d love to try that again!”

She's so chipper all the time, I still don’t know where she gets the energy from

“Don’t say that where the gods can hear!” I said, cracking a smile at my witty

“What gods? Are you quoting another book?”

Oop

“Yeah, Terrier.”

“Hmm, well, I hope you find someone else who likes books as much as you in your new school.” “Maybe they will understand you’re references.”

I grimaced at that

Does she really think that I’ll find other book nerds my age? In a school?

I feel like all I’ll find are mean girls and jocks, if movies are to be believed

Even so, it’s not like I’ll find it easy to approach anyone….

“Don’t give me that look,” she said, amused. “You know you have to be social! Otherwise, how will you get better??”

“Tears and prayers?”

She smacked me smartly on my head

“No. Prayers only take you so far. You yourself have to put in the work to improve on what holds you back. Don’t leave it all to God.”

“Okay….” I said, “But throwing me right at the problem instead of taking it slow goes against what my therapist said!”

“Your therapist also said that you should go out more often, even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood. Do you do that?”

Ah

She got me there

“That’s what I thought,” she said, as she settled back into her seat, looking a bit smug

Lord I just can’t win against her can I?

Although I admit, I do like it when we banter like this. It makes me feel at ease, and it feels like we have a good relationship.

I turned to look out the window, noticing that we were beginning to exit the freeway onto a small street. Not much of note to see.

Just an old school manufacturing building to our left, and what seems to be an office building to our right.

We turned left onto the smaller street next to the old building

Palo Alto street?

You know, I’ve noticed that a lot of LA streets are in Spanish. Makes sense, due to the city’s history.

At the end of the street, we turned right onto a major street

Ok—wow. Now that, that is a view worthy of a photo

As we pulled into the street, the LA skyscrapers' skyline spread before me. With the street dotted with trees, the sun shining bright in the clear blue sky, it almost feels like a shot you’d see in a movie of LA.

“Almost there, ladies. About two minutes until we arrive,” said Roderick, our chauffeur. He had opened the little window of the partition that separated us from him, so his voice carried over nicely.

“Perfect, thank you Roderick,” responded my mom

Roderick just nodded and closed the window once more.

So we’re almost there? Gods, I wish we could’ve just gotten an online tour instead.

I can feel my palms getting sweatier the further we go down the street

My tummy hurts

I am not looking forward to this.

———————————

Catalina

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Jason texted me before lunch, asking if I wanted to make a bet. If I could beat him and Noah in basketball, then they would buy me lunch! Of course I said yeah!

The school lunch is great, as to be expected of a private school, but it ain’t free. I’m getting tired of bringing just sandwiches and cold burritos. They should add a microwave to the cafeteria fr.

Once class ended, I headed over to the gym. Since I was in the science building, I had to go across the campus to get there. Others complained about the size of the campus, but I think it’s pretty neat having a big campus. Feels posh. Besides, it’s not like it’s a long walk; only about six minutes between buildings. So I arrive at the gym quickly.

The weird gym I call it, because of its sphere-like shape made out of glass planes. I say sphere-like because it resembles more of a water droplet on a surface. The entrance to the gym is on the wide side of the building, facing the other campus buildings.

As you enter, the first thing that catches your eye is not the basketball court, but the giant sliding glass doors on the opposite side of the entrance. Yeah, it caught me off guard too when I first got here. You can actually open them too, so you get an almost open-court feel and let the fresh air in. Of course, this means there are no bleachers on that side. All the bleachers are on the side of the entrance. They’re large enough that you can fit 200 people, I'd say. It’s an impressive building, honestly.

“Look, she’s here”.

I looked over in the direction of the voices. It’s Jason and Noah.

“Sup bitch” said Jason, holding up his fist to me for a fist bump.

“Sup short king” I respond, bumping his fist with mine.

Jason is an old friend of mine. He, his sister Denisse, and I all went to the same middle school together. But Noah I met here during my freshman year.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t call me a bitch then.”

I’m still going to call him that lol

I mean, for a black guy, he is kinda short– like, five-five? Around there. He likes dressing smartly, as if hoping someone will scout him in the street. He likes wearing loose dress shirts paired with chinos a lot, which is also what he’s got on today. So he knows how to dress well. His sharp eyes, defined jaw, and slightly sunken cheeks, paired with his pulled-back twist hairstyle, I’d say he’s a good-looking dude.

“You could also say that you’re just too tall for a Latina,” said Noah

He’s a silly guy, which is weird to say since the dude is tall and buff. But you could tell at a glance that he likes playing the clown. I mean like, he grew out his hair just to get it curly and end up with the Napoleon Dynamite look. And he insists he looks great with it. It’s like, no.

“Like, aren’t Latinas known for being short but built like a baddie?”

Ah, he even did the whole “moved his hands to insinuate curves” thing. Weirdo. They clearly didn’t teach him manners. Either that or he ignores them.

“A lot are short, but not all are baddie built. Like, we got the torta build, La buchona build, the anime nerd, and skinny.” “I’m a rare build: a tall Latina baddie stands before you.” “Sparkles”, I say as I pose and swish my ponytail.

“Weirdo”

“Shut up short king.”

We move on to the court and grab one of the basketballs from the ball rack that’s beside the court.

“So, what will it be? Best of three?” I ask.

“Yeah, sounds good,” says Jason. “But it’ll be two V one, aight?”

“Cool, me and Noah v you?”

“Uh, no. The opposite.”

“Actually, I kinda wanna play on Catalina’s side today.”

“No, Noah. We agreed we’d team up on her!”

“Fineeeee.”

During this exchange, Noah came over to my side, but by the end of it he dragged himself back towards Jason's side.

To put it simply

I won. Lol.

They made use of the fact that I was by myself, constantly passing the ball between each other. But I was able to corner Jason and prevent him from passing. Then I just stole the ball from him and made my way to the 3-point line to score. Rinse and repeat, and boom. Victory.

“Dam, you guys suck,” I said as I stood with one hand on my hip while I held the basketball in my other one.

“Shut up!” “Did you really have to go after me the whole time?!”

“Yeah duh! Simple tactics my guy.” “Now. Food time. Gimme”

“Goddamit”

“Jason?”

“What Noah?”

“I don’t got money.”

“Ima beat you up I swear.”

With that settled, we put the ball back and exited through the large glass doors. As we exited, we got a nice view of a row of trees and bushes that lined the walkway. Beyond that was the baseball field, where some people were playing a game. Jason grabbed a drink from a vending machine that was nearby, and then we headed to turn at the gym’s corner. As we were about to head towards the cafeteria, I noticed something interesting out of the corner of my eye.

Besides the gym and baseball field, there’s a parking lot. Nothing special about a parking lot, but what was interesting was the White Rolls-Royce that pulled into the lot. You see a lot of fancy cars here, since the students' parents are all rich, but this is the first time I’ve seen a Rolls-Royce.

“Whoa look at that! It’s an EWB!” said Noah, stopping to gawk at the car. Jason and I stopped as well.

“You mean a phantom?” said Jason.

“No, I mean what I said! The EWB! It’s a bigger version of the Phantom! You can tell because the rear doors are longer than the base model. Its key feature is that the rear seats are even bigger, so it’s a car meant to be driven by a chauffeur! Aghh, that’s so cool!”

“What’s so special about more leg room?”

“Ugh, you don’t get ittttt. It’s because of the chauffeur! Typically, no one gets the EWB cause they drive it themselves. So the only ones who get it are the ones who can afford a personal chauffeur! You know how much that can cost?! Not to mention whatever interior customization the car got!!”

Jason looks so done with Noah’s rambling lol

“Dude, you forgot he has the ‘tism,” I said, patting Jason on his back.

“Yeah I did….”

“Come on, Noah, let's go.”

I began to walk away. I’m hungry man, I want my free meal!

“No, I wanna see who’s the owner!”

“Oh my god, Pinche chismoso.”

During Noah's little spiel, the car pulled up to the parking lot’s campus entrance. Once stopped, a guy in a fancy suit and cap got out quickly and went straight to the passenger door. He opened it so gently and smoothly, you might think it was made of ceramic. As the person inside began to step out, the chauffeur offered his hand to help them out. A woman came out.

“Duuuuuude!” said Noah. The guy can’t stay quiet.

I get it though, because the woman is... she’s... You know! Stunning! Her blonde hair flowed just below her shoulder blades, with her bangs slightly swept to one side, covering just a bit of her face. She had gentle yet sharp eyes. As she got closer, I noticed they were a light blue color, just like the sky. She had a defined jawline, and her cheeks were full. She wore a pleasant smile- one of those smiles that made you feel at ease, like she was happy to see us.

Dam. I think she may be a model or something! Even her outfit, although simple, seemed straight out of a fashion magazine. She wore a cream colored V-neck blouse, light blue suit pants, and white heels.

“Ok yeah, she’s bad,” said Jason. “Reminds me of a businesswoman.”

But there's someone else coming behind her….

…

…

…

I think I’m dreaming…

It’s an angel…

No… It’s the lady's daughter ig.

She’s gorgeous…

Her blonde hair is braided like a crown, with the ends forming a low bun that’s tied up with a pink ribbon. But her bangs are not part of the braid; instead, she has them loose in that curtain bang style. Her facial features are much gentler than her mother's, her eyes are bigger and rounder but still blue, and she has a dainty nose.

She’s also dressed simply. She wears what I think is a white round collar button-up, but over it she has a light blue jumper sweater that she tucked inside a long white skirt that reaches just below her knees, and a pretty pair of Mary Janes to finish the look. And what a look… she looks like a princess. But unlike her mother, she isn’t smiling. She had a tense look on her face. She glanced at us, but quickly looked away. Upon closer inspection… she has dark circles under her eyes…

“Oh! How are you? Sorry, but would you mind pointing us towards the school's office building? I think we came in through the wrong entrance, haha,” said the model lady, smiling warmly at us. I honestly didn’t notice they’d approached us until that moment.

Jason, Noah, and I just stayed silent for a solid 5 seconds until Jason nudged me with his arm.

“Oh yeah, the office? It’s just straight that way, passing the small amphitheater. The building is basically pure glass. Can’t miss it.”

“It stands out then? That’s good. It’s a big school, I was thinking we’d get lost, haha. By the way, is there another parking lot near the office? I could’ve sworn that the website mentioned a second one, but we didn’t see it.”

“Yeah, it’s actually an underground lot. Did you see a little street that went into the campus?”

“Yeah, but we didn’t know where it headed -Roderick mentioned it wasn’t on the GPS- Do you mean that’s the path to the second lot?”

“Yup. Goes straight to the main office; the parking lot is underneath it. So you can park and take an elevator up to the main office just like that.”

“Oh I see! That’s so nifty! I’ll have to let Roderick know then! Thank you for your help, um….”

What’s with that pause? Oh! Is she asking for my name?

“Catalina.”

“Catalina. Thank you for your help, and I hope you have a good day.”

She waved, and just like that, they were off.

But as they walked down the path, the princess turned back to look at us. Or, at me. She was looking straight at me! What do I do? Wave? Yeah sounds about right

So I waved bye

Her head jerked a bit in surprise, but she returned the wave, albeit timidly. She quickly turned back around and kept on walking.

I just kinda stood there, watching them go. Suddenly, Noah smacked me on the head playfully.

“See?! Now aren’t you glad we didn’t leave?” he said with a shit eating grin. He placed his arm around my neck, putting his weight against me. “We got to see pretty ladies! Do you think the young girl is a new student here? Dude, if so, I gotta talk to her! She's super cute!”

“You’d just scare her off with all your gabble. She looks like a quiet girl.”

“Then, if I don’t scare her off and we become something, we’ll have that dog and cat dynamic! It’s a classic trope.”

“Yeah, in anime,” said Jason, passing us by.

We began to head to the cafeteria again. But just as we were about to enter, the intercom began to speak.

“Catalina de la mar, please report to the counselor's office immediately. I repeat, Catalina report to the counselor’s office please.”

Jesus Christ man, why nowwwwwww.

“Looks like my wallet has been spared,” said Jason, smirking at me.

“Nu-uh! Your debt shall sit there waiting to be repaid. If it takes too long, I’ll even add interest!”

“How much?”

“42 percent per minute.”

“What the fuck. Hell no, just hurry back.”

“Lol, aight, I'll be back guys.”

I left them at the entrance to the cafeteria and began towards the Main office building. I swear this better be quick, I’m hungry.

—-----------------------------

Maya

Looooordd that was embarrassing! I wasn’t ready yet! I wanted a little bit more time to acclimate and mentally prepare myself before I had to approach anyone! But my mom went straight to the first group of students she found to ask for directions! They were looking at us weird, kinda like they were judging us. They were probably put off because they went quiet when my mom approached them, but one of them did respond to my mom. It was a girl. Catalina, I think?

When I stole a glance at her, I was surprised to find her head well above mines. She had long brown hair that she had in a ponytail, leaving only her bangs loose down the middle. Her hourglass figure and confident way of standing made her look like a model.

But her eyes took me by surprise. They were sharp and light purple in color, like Alanna the lioness. Maybe she had a purple eyed cat as well? That would be funny hehe.

After thanking her, we walked away, but I could feel their stares piercing my back. I turned around to look, and I locked eyes with the girl. She smiled and just waved at me. I was a bit surprised, to be honest, I thought she was going to turn back to face her friends. But she didn’t… so I waved back.

Now that I think about it, I spent most of my time looking at the ground. Maybe she’ll think I’m weird or something.

“Maya!” said my mom, jabbing me with her elbow. “Sit straight!”

“MM! Sorry.”

My mom and I had arrived at the main office. When we informed the lady at the front desk what we were here for, she directed us to the principal's office to meet with her. We are currently sitting in said principal's office as she looks over my student's files on her computer.

It was a small office, tucked into the corner of the 3rd floor of the building. The walls were made of glass, so you could see everyone who passed by. The principal's desk was a simple one, placed against the wall opposite the door, and it was neatly organized with a few organizers and a monitor set upon it. A silver name plate sat near the edge facing us, reading “Principal Underwood”. A shelf with more containers stood against the wall to the left of the entrance, with 2 file storage units right next to it, with potted plants on top of each one. The right wall had a chrome and glass console table against it, which had a record player and a vinyl box on top of it. Not to mention, more potted plants. This office might as well be a greenhouse.

“Well, I gotta say. I’m glad you chose to enroll in our school, Maya,” said the principal, finally looking away from her computer.

It was a black woman. She had her hair braided in sections and pulled back into a long ponytail. She had a round face, long lashes and round, light green eyes. They were pretty.

She was short though. Around 5’4? But she was curvy. She wore a dress shirt with a corset over it, and an above-knee business skirt with tights and heels. Overall, she looked like… well, a principal.

“Your academic record is exceptional. Straight A’s, 4.0 GPA, a couple of AP and college classes under your belt, not to mention extracurricular activities like baseball and community service. How did you manage to do all this?”

“I just manage my time well, that's all.”

“Yeah I can see that! It’s impressive to have such a skill at your age.”

“Haha… thanks.”

“It’ll come in useful, you’ll see. Typically, our school sets up students in an education path fitted for whatever career they want to pursue. Your situation will be different, however, since you’re starting as a senior. At the moment, our seniors are in the process of applying to universities. Have you thought of any universities you want to apply to?”

“No… no I haven’t. I honestly don’t know what I want to do in life— much less right now.”

“I see.”

“We just recently moved to LA, due to the circumstances I mentioned in our call the other day. So I don’t want her to feel pressured about choosing her future at the moment,” said my mom, interjecting.

Hmm? Wait, what did she just say?

“You called her and mentioned What!?” I said to my mom, my voice getting louder, “Wait, did you tell her everything?!”

I had startled the principal; her eyes had gone wide with surprise. I guess she didn’t expect me to raise my voice, but I couldn’t hold back when my mom just casually revealed my secrets!

“No. No, not everything, only what was necessary,” she said, calmly.

She didn’t seem to be the least bit startled that I raised my voice at her. “Like your high levels of anxiety, how you’re prone to panic attacks, or your struggles in being in a social setting. That’s all I mentioned.”

“But why?! I didn’t want anyone to know!”

“I know, princess, and I do apologize for going behind your back. But please understand, the principal at minimum has to know about any problems a student might have.”

It made sense. I understood it as she said it. But even so, I wasn’t feeling joy about it.

“The school has to be prepared in case something—.”

“Yeah, I understand, it’s fine.”

I interrupted her. I couldn’t hold it in. I wanted to argue, to yell, but I knew it would be wrong of me.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you… and for raising my voice at you.”

“It’s okay, princess.” She raised her hand and gently caressed my cheek. It felt like she was expressing feelings she couldn’t put into words. I put my hand against hers and just held it for a moment before letting go. She took her hand away, and we shifted our attention back to the principal.

“I apologize Mrs. Underwood. If you would please continue.”

“No need for apologies. I may not understand what you are going through, but I do understand the need to keep things a secret. Rest assured that our school is a safe place. Our students are all relatively calm, and they don’t cause issues with each other. But in the off chance that bullying occurs, we approach the situation appropriately.” “Our school is here to support you with whatever is going on in life, and to see you through until you graduate.”

I just nodded. It felt awkward to speak after what just occurred.

“Now. As your mom said, there is no need to feel pressured to decide your future at the moment. And since you’ve met all your GED requirements, you can basically do as you please.”

“Can I not come to school then?”

My mom smacked me smartly in the head again.

“Well yes, that is an option. You could graduate early as well if you meet some of our requirements,” said the principal. I swear I could see her mouth twitching trying not to smile.

“But I’d prefer you did come to school. You could think of it as a controlled setting where you can focus on improving your mental health.”

“I guess—yeah. I’m not too keen on the idea however.”

“Why?”

.

.

Why?

“Because I’m afraid.”

.

.

“I’m afraid to try. I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt. I’m afraid that, despite all my efforts, I’ll achieve nothing.”

“Being afraid is a natural thing. But can you really be afraid of something that isn’t guaranteed to happen?”

“Yes. Because it can still happen.”

“How do you know it will?”

“How do you know it won’t?” “How do you know that if I give myself a chance, if I give others a chance, I won't… I won’t…”

My voice began to trail off.

“How do you know… I won’t end up like last time?”

I could see the memories clearly in my mind. As clearly as I saw them every night. The event that took place in my old school… and the outcome of my actions.

I let out a sigh and tilted my head back as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I’m getting tired of letting my emotions get the best of me…

“Are you ok?” Asked the principal.

I mean, what do you think? Clearly, I’m not.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered despite myself.

“Okay. To answer your question, I don’t know how things will end up for you. There is no guarantee you will be better off now, but there is no guarantee that you won’t be either.” “What I can tell you is this. If you don’t try, then you’ll never advance in life. You’ll be in the exact same spot as you are now: contemplating life, wondering where everything went wrong, just letting the days trickle by. All, if you don’t try.” “Do you like your current state in life?”

“No… I do not. I feel like… like I’m at rock bottom.”

“Then why not try? If you are at rock bottom, the only way to go is up.”

“Or down, if I do climb up.”

Ah… her face tensed up a bit; I may have annoyed her. My mom pulls a similar face when I argue back like this.

“Yes, but understand this. In life, you’ll face many failures; that’s just natural. But if you keep that mentality, then you’ll do nothing but fail.”

Yeah I know. I know this. I’ve mauled this over and over again with myself, but I can’t seem to motivate myself to try!

“Okay… I understand.”

“As long as you do, good.”

I wanted to continue voicing my thoughts, but I also just wanted her to stop lecturing me.

I felt my mom staring at me, so I turned to look. She had her eyes narrowed, like she didn’t believe me. She knows me too well.

“Moving on from that, let’s talk about the tour.”

“Oh yeah! It honestly slipped my mind, haha. Will you be the one guiding us, Mrs. Underwood?” asked my mom, turning to face her once more.

Guh, why do I have a bad feeling about this?

“Yeah. I like giving the tour so I can get to know my students and their parents better.”

“I like that approach. However, may I propose an idea?”

Oh gods, she’s got that mischievous face on…

“How about we have another student give Maya the tour?”

“HUH?!”

Oh, my, lord, I knew it! I knew she had some scheme!

“Yeah! Think about it as a gentle push forward! You did just say you understood what had to be done, and this is that thing! You’ll get the perfect situation to engage with another student, avoiding the struggle of approaching one independently!”

“You know what? I like that idea,” said the principal, nodding her head in agreement.

Wait, no! Don’t agree with her!

“Do I not get a say in this?!”

“Hmmm. Do you wanna do it?” asked my mom tentatively.

“No.”

“Opinion denied then!”

Guh!

“Look. You may have given up on yourself, but I haven’t. I want you to be happy once more. I know you want to change. You just don’t want to try. So if I must push you, then I’ll do so.”

Sigh

This feels more like a shove than a push though. Still. “You may have given up on yourself, but I haven’t,” huh?

…

“Fine. I’ll have a student give me the tour.”

“Good! I’ll call in someone then,” said the principal. However, she sat back on her seat and muttered to herself, “But who do I call? Jason? He’s a good fit for the role.”

She seemed to have noticed something because she straightened up with a smile and stood up. “Pardon me for a second.”

I turned to look back at her as she stood outside her door and called out to someone.

“Hey Catalina, come here real quick please.”

She called out to a girl.

It was a pretty girl.

Oh

Oh! It was the pretty girl from earlier! Catalina!

Wait, is she going to be my tour guide!?

As she entered the room, she said, “What’s up Miss?”

Then she turned to look at us. She seemed surprised to see us. Did she not notice us through the glass?

“Ah, hello.”

“Oh hi!” Said my mom. “It’s you! Thank you for your help earlier.”

“You’ve met already?” Asked the principal, sitting back down on her chair.

“Yeah, she gave us directions on how to get here.”

“Safe to say you didn’t get lost,” said Catalina.

Both she and my mom let out a small chuckle.

“Indeed. But anyways, let me introduce myself properly. I’m Tiffany Macahill, and this is my daughter Maya Macahill.”

She gestured at me and—

Ow! I get it Mom, you don’t have to jab my ribs! I’ll introduce myself…

“Hello, n-nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too! I like your hairstyle btw, it’s really cute.”

“Oh, I-uh, th-thank you.”

Wait, uh… what? That’s out of left field, but that’s nice of her. Is it cute tho? I thought it’d come out as too prim.

“Well, this works out nicely then,” said the principal. “See, I wanted to ask you for a favor Catalina.”

“Uhm, ok, what is it?”

“I want you to show Maya around the school. A tour. She’ll be starting school here next week.”

“Oh fr? Sweet. Aight, sure, I’ll show her around.”

“Perfect, thank you.”

“Yeah no problem. Wait, what about lunchtime?”

“If the tour drags on, then you may take an extra hour of lunch. I’ll write you a pass just in case.”

“Oh hell yeah.”

“However! This doesn’t mean that you can purposely drag on the tour for the sake of skipping class. We’ve talked about this already. Do not make me repeat myself.”

She grimaced when the principal warned her, but still took the note that she had written for her.

“I-I got it. I won’t try nothing then.”

“Good.”

“Should we leave right now, or…?”

Catalina looked between me and the principal

Wait

“It’s just going to be me and Catalina, right? What will you do Mom?”

“Hmm. I’ll chat a bit more with Mrs. Underwood, and after that, I’ll head to a cafe to wait.”

No fair! I wanna go too! Totally not because I don’t want to be here, seriously.

She leaned towards me and hugged me.

“It’ll be ok princess. Just do your best and believe in yourself, just like how I believe in you.”

She kissed me on my forehead and patted me on my back, prompting me to get up.

“Ok…” I said as I got up. “I’ll see you later then, I guess…”

“Yeah, have fun! Oh, and Catalina? Thank you for this.”

Catalina just waved her hand dismissively

“No worries Miss. Con permiso,” with those last words, we stepped out of the office.

—————————————-

Instead of taking the stairs, we made our way to the elevator. As we waited for it to arrive, Catalina began making small talk.

“Sooo, what’s up?”

“Um… what do you mean?”

“Wht do u mean wht do u mean? You know, like, how are you?”

“Oh, Um, I’m fine. What about you?”

The elevator arrived, and we entered. Catalina pressed the button for the first floor, and we began to descend.

“I’m good. Kinda hungry ngl. I was excited to eat ‘cause, you see, I won a bet against my friend and now he owes me lunch.”

“Oh I see.”

“Yeah. It was funny cause it was actually two friends that made the bet, and they teamed up against me in basketball, and I still won, lol.”

“Oh cool.”

“Yuh”.

And there goes the conversation.

Okay look, I know I said I’d try, but I just don’t know what to say! Do I just bring up random topics? Is that really it? All I know about are books, fashion, and baseball. Oh! She might like baseball actually! If I bring it up then we’d get into the topic of teams she likes, and from there we could branch out to other sports! Yeah that’s it!

“Umm… you play basketball, right? So are you a sports fan?”

“Yuhp! Well, basketball is the only sport I’m actually a fan of, but I do play other sports with friends sometimes!”

“So… not a baseball fan?”

“Not unless the Dodgers are playing haha.”

The Dodgers? That’s it?

“I’m guessing you’re into baseball? Who’s your fav team?”

“The Atlanta Braves.”

“…”

“… You don’t know them.”

“No.”

Ok then.

We arrived at the first floor, and we made our way outside. It’s really sunny, and the sky is so blue and devoid of clouds that it’s honestly off-putting.

“It’s too sunny. How do Californians like this weather…” I muttered under my breath

“Wdym! It’s peak weather conditions! And aren’t you from here??”

Oh she heard me!? Well, I can use this I guess…

“I mean what I said… it's too sunny. Where are the clouds?? And no, I’m not from here.”

“So, where are you from? A state with no sunshine? Washington?”

“No, I’m from Mississippi.”

“… do you not get sunshine there?”

“As a matter of fact, we do. And we have clouds, unlike you guys.”

“Dam girl, what’s with you and clouds? You need them to spawn food from the sky or something?”

“I’m not Flint, I just like my sky to have some clouds! It’s much more aesthetically pleasing than this!”

I gesture at the sky dramatically

Catalina looks offended

“By Mithros, you dare insult our sky just like that?! I’ll have you know—”

“Wait, what did you just say?”

The moment I heard her exclaim, “By Mithros!” I stopped in my tracks.

“What? Banter session over already? I was just getting warmed up!”

“No, what?? I mean, you said “by Mithros” just now, have you read the books by Tamora Pierce??”

“Yuh, she’s one of my fav authors.”

“You know of her?!”

“…yeah? Why do you sound so surprised?”

“You don’t seem like the type to read books, that’s all.”

“Ok, see now you’re just being rude.”

Oops

“S-sorry, I didn’t think before speaking.”

“It’s cool. Why are you so excited tho?”

“I just haven’t met someone who’s a fan of Tamora Pierce's books is all.”

This is a situation I did not see coming! She likes Tamora Pierce! Wait, maybe she’s lying? No, she quoted an expression from the books so I doubt it.

“Um, what’s your favorite series from her?”

“Oof, tough one. Nah just kidding, it’s the Protector of the Small series. Then it’s the Immortals series, the Beka Cooper series, and the Song of the Lioness in last.”

“Oh, I loved the protector of the small! It felt like it conveyed the message of “women can be strong too” the best. But it’s not only that, Keladri is a fun character to follow! Despite her gruff nature at times, she is very kind and helpful to everyone who is in need! And she’s a badass too! I like that Tamora Pierce explored the Yamani region through her, so we get a deeper understanding of the region. Makes the whole Tortall universe feel alive, you know?”

Catalina just stood there, eyes wide in surprise

I- I did it again. I was so excited to hear she likes books that I just infodumped! Lord, I literally just said I didn’t want to come off as weird! This is the definition of weird!

“Huh, I didn’t know you could talk that much. I pinned you to be in line with the Stump,” she said with a small grin.

“The stump?? What makes you say that??”

“You don’t smile, you seem stiff, you come off as grumpy, you mock the beautiful sky before you! And yeah.”

“That’s not enough to label me as the stump! Let’s not forget, he has a sense of humor! Just around certain people!”

“Still, from now on my dear friend, you shall be known as the stump.”

She used her hand to imitate a sword and tapped me on both shoulders

“What?! No! If you call me the stump, then I’ll call you… um…Ah! I’ll call you Raoul!”

“By all means! Giant slayer, trusted commander, and right hand of the king?! Hell yeah I’ll take that!”

“No! It’s because you’re so silly that you’re just like him!”

“That’s not enough to label me as him!”

What?

Oh she’s grinning! She’s mocking me!

“What? Can’t handle a little banter? S T U M P?”

“It isn’t banter, that’s just teasing!”

“It isn’t teasing since you clapped back too. Rather poorly I must say.”

“Gah! You’re so annoying!”

“Oh shut up, you’re having fun admit it!”

“I’m—!”

I’m—

“Huh… weird, I am.”

“I know you’re weird.”

“No! I mean that I am having fun!”

I actually am having fun. I didn’t even notice it, but I’m actually talking to her! And so casually too!

“Neat. Does that mean you’ll stop being grumpy and learn to enjoy the sun?”

I looked straight at her with a pout. Is that really how I come off as? She just looked back at me with a mischievous smile.

“It’s still too sunny.”

“Jesus Christ.”

I’m honestly taken aback. I wasn’t paying attention to my mind, and just let myself loose in the moment. So this is what my therapist meant by “You’re holding yourself back”.

We began to walk down the pathway leading to the rest of the campus buildings. As we walked, we began to chat more about books. Turns out Catalina is an avid reader. She seems to mostly enjoy fiction books about adventures, with authors like Rick Riordan and Kenneth Oppel being her other favorites. When I asked if she enjoyed books like 1984, she just grimaced and said no, because “it feels like I’m supposed to analyze its theme and write a book report using Times New Roman due Monday.” So, Ig anything with complex topics makes it feel like a Homework assignment? I share the sentiment, but I do enjoy analyzing a book's theme when it’s not an assigned read. Regardless, this is a fun conversation we’re having!

Beeeeeeeep

What is it? The school bell?

“Oof, lunch is over,” said Catalina. “I guess we can start the tour!”

We had walked this entire time without her explaining anything about the buildings we’d passed. Although admittedly, they all had plaques near their entrances providing the name and subject of the building.

“This was your goal all along, wasn’t it? To exploit the pass the principal gave you?”

“My next class was calculus, so spare me, please. If I wanted to take a nap, I’d do it under a tree or something. Besides, we can use this building as a starting point and then branch out! Strategic planning.”

“Suuuure.”

We’d arrived at a tall building. It kinda resembled the Doha tower in Qatar. I’d been there a couple of times with my dad when he had business there. This one was simpler, however. And much shorter, standing at what? 4 stories?

“What is this building for?”

“It’s the Bradley building, a.k.a. The cafeteria, lounge, lecture halls, and library.”

“Oh cool. Kinda seems out of place though; a skyscraper-like building in the middle of a campus.”

“I joked with the principal once that the school designers must’ve realized they ran out of space for the things I mentioned when they designed the school, so the designers went like, “fuck it. Stack them like Pringles.”

Pfff

Stack them like Pringles, she said, hehe.

“I heard that laugh. You can’t hide it lol.”

I did, in fact, try to hide it by covering my mouth and turning my head to the side.

“I didn’t. I just sneezed.”

“Lies, all lies.”

We entered the building, and I let out a small gasp. This… is something.

The whole cafeteria just spread before us, and it was a bunch of leather sofas and glass coffee tables arranged around the floor. In each group there where a set of trash bins. The “side walls” had their marble countertops with stools for extra seating. On the side opposite of us were the food counters and… a Starbucks? What the heck.

Next to the Starbucks, there were elevators and the restrooms. A staircase was placed against the wall, passing overhead the restrooms and elevators. As I looked up at the stairs, something else caught my eye. There was a hole. In the middle of the ceiling! From it passed a massive modern halo chandelier, its rings were all tilted differently and got smaller as they descended. They didn’t seem to emit much light, but it wasn’t necessary. The windows along the walls granted enough natural light that it was bright inside.

“When you mentioned this was a cafeteria, this is not what I had in mind. It’s more like a fancy lounge in a hotel.”

“That’s what I said my first day here too lol. Ig they had extra money to spend. Oh, by the way, the food here is great, but stay away from the Tacos they serve.”

“Wh-why, what's wrong with them?”

“They use hardshells to make them and top them with yellow cheese.”

“...Ok…Isn’t that just a normal taco, though?”

“...I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

She went ahead of me and headed towards the staircase while shaking her head. Is she offended by hardshells or something?

While we went up the stairs, Catalina was explaining what each level in the building contained. The first floor was, obviously, the cafeteria. The second floor was a lounge. The third floor is the lecture halls, and the fourth is the library. I was honestly not paying much attention; I was staring down at the people lounging around. Quite a few. I expected there would be none because of class.

“Oh, hey Denisse,” I heard Catalina say to someone

“Sup,” they respond

I turned around to see who it was, but—

“AH!”

“UGH”

I crashed into them

“Jesus Christ,man, what the hell! Watch where you’re going!”

“OH LORD, I am so sorry I wasn’t paying attention!”

It wasn’t bad enough that we fell. We just kinda stumbled, but the crash caused them to drop a drink they had in their hand. It splattered all over their shoes.

“No shit Sherlock! Ugh my shoes!”

She looked me in the eyes. It was a black girl, she was just a bit shorter than me, at around 5’7. She had an afro, but it was swept on her left side and pinned down. Her eyes were a bright green and they were sharp. I’d say they were pretty eyes, except that they were filled with anger.

She wore—

“You fucking bitch!”

Ok never mind! Not the time for a fashion breakdown. She tried grabbing me by the collar, but Catalina grabbed her arm.

“Yo chill!”

“Bro, look at my shoes! I just bought them!”

Catalina put herself between me and the girl Denisse.

“Ok but you don’t gotta go straight at her because of that! Come on, they’re just shoes! We can clean them up!”

I stood behind Catalina, shaken by the situation. I wasn’t expecting her to come at me! It was an accident!

“I’m really sorry, but it was an accident!” I said to Denisse, looking over Catalina to speak.

Denisse just glared at me

“Accident or not, you still fucked up.”

She tried advancing on me, but Catalina stopped her

“Okayyyyy, none of that, just calm down!”

As they continued to bicker with each other, others began to notice the noise we were making and had come to see the drama. They stared first at Denisse and Catalina. And then at me. The latter ignored them and just continued bickering. I, however, couldn’t help but focus on the stares. I hate it when they stare. It feels like they put weight on me, and I can feel myself fold under the pressure, and my stomach drops.

Please don’t stare…

Don’t look at me please…

I can see them talking to each other, hands hiding their mouths, just mocking me.

No no no no don’t think like that, I told myself as I shook my head. You’re just digging your own hole! It’s ok, Everything is ok.

Even as I said that, I could hear a buzzing in my ears grow louder. I could feel my heart banging against my chest, so strongly that it felt like it would jump right out.

Breathe, just breathe. Stop panting, breathe slowly, slowly.

Oh Lord, why can't I breathe!? Why can't I—?!

“Maya!”

A voice broke through

It was Catalina

“Calm down, it’s ok. Everything is ok. What's wrong?”

Her face was right in front of mine.

When did she get so close?

She held my shoulders tightly, and she wore a worried expression. I looked behind her and saw Denisse, standing there puzzled. And behind her was a small crowd.

Oh Lord

“I—I need—”

My voice cracked

“I need to use the restroom.”

I pulled away from Catalina's hold and made my way down the stairs and to the restrooms. I shouldered my way past the three people who were at the base of the stairs, my legs carrying me as fast as they would go without running.

Just get to the restroom. Just get there.

I pushed through the restroom door

It was empty

As soon as I noticed that, I went straight to the sink and opened the faucet.

I splashed cold water on my face

Breathe

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

I raised my gaze and looked into my reflection in the mirror. The bags beneath my eyes were dark and heavy, and my eyes themselves seemed glassy, muted, dead.

I can’t breathe.

My vision blurred. The buzzing grew so loud, it seemed to swallow everything. The voices outside now sounded muffled, distant, distorted.

I felt my knees grow weak. They gave way, and I slid down to the tile floor.

It was cold.

“Please… please… stop.”

I hugged my legs close to my chest, and I buried my face in them. The tears smeared my skirt.

…

“Maya”

A voice.

Sharp, but kind

I flinched, but I lifted my head.

It was Catalina

She was crouched beside me, her outline blurring through my tear-filled eyes.

She grabbed my face gently and began to wipe away my tears.

“It’s ok. Everything will be ok. No one can hurt you. You are safe.”

Her hand was warm

The buzzing diminished slightly, but remained.

“Come on. Face me, hold my hands.”

I did as she instructed

I positioned myself better as I faced her

She had let go of my face and held my hands in between hers.

“We’re going to do a breathing exercise. Breathe in and breathe out, okay?”

I squeezed her hands and shook my head slightly

“N-no” I stammered out. “I-I just tried that. It didn’t work. It never works.”

“It will. We’ll take it slow, and you’ll feel better. I promise.”

I stayed silent, looking down, avoiding her eyes.

She squeezed my hands

“Trust me, Maya.”

…

I bobbed my head slightly

“Good. Just follow me. Breathe in…. Breathe out….”

I did as she told

Breathe in….

Breathe out….

“Breathe in…. Breathe out…”

After a few minutes of this I could feel my breathing become steady

My heart stopped pounding

“Hehe.”

“Wh–what?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about how I kinda feel like Percy right now,” she said, smirking.

“...What?”

“Like, you’re Annabeth, freaking out, and I’m Percy going: “Breathe, Wise Girl. We’re not dying today.”

I blinked at her.

I let out a small laugh

“You’re so dumb,” I said, wiping my eyeys.

“Dumb but smart. Aren’t you feeling better now?”

It was true

The buzzing sound was gone

My vision was clear

“Yeah, I am.”

“Nice,” said Catalina, a small smile spread across her face.

As I looked into her eyes, warmth spread over me. I looked away.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“For what?”

“For this… all of this. For dealing with me and my…. Issues.”

I met her eyes once more.

“But… thank you. For helping me.”

Catalina just grinned at me

“Anytime.”

We got up from the floor

Catalina made her way to the door, but I held back.

I made a fool out of myself out there

What if everyone is still watching?

What will they say?

Will they point at me?

Will they laugh?

Those thoughts ran across my head, preventing me from taking a step.

But

Catalina held out her hand for me

…

I took it.

She pulled me along without a word. But it was clear what she meant by it.

It’ll all be ok.

We exited the restroom

No one was there

No crowd

Ne jeering looks

No retorts

It was quite

Except

For Denisse

But she didn’t look angry anymore. Nor annoyed.

She just looked… worried?

“Hey,” she said as we approached her. “Are you ok?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine now. Thank you.”

She’s being nice?

“What was that? A panic attack?”

…

“Y-yeah.”

“I see… I guess it’s my fault then.”

…

Denisse just sighs

“Look, I wanted to apologize for yelling at you. Catalina was right, I took it too far. I’m sorry.”

Oh

Wow. I… was not expecting this.

“I-it's ok. I was to blame anyway…”

“Even so. I went too far.”

“It’s fine reall—”

“Jesus, just accept the apology.”

“Okay. Thanks?”

“Yeah.”

An awkward air hung around us

“Awkwaaaard,” said Catalina under her breath.

This girl… I can’t take her seriously

Denisse gave Catalina a playful kick, but she dodged it.

“Yeah no shit.”

She turned to look at me again

“Hey… what's your name btw?”

“Oh! I-I’m Maya. Maya Macahill.”

“Denisse Washington.”

She raised her hand and made a fist directed at me.

What? A fist bump? What for?

“Just fist bump me dude. It’s like saying, “We’re cool.”

Oh, so like. No hard feelings?

I mean… she apologized. She recognized her mistake and owned up to it. That must mean… she isn’t so bad, I guess.

I bump my fist against hers, lightly.

“Bro, that was weak,” she said, a small smile on her face as she began to walk away. “Aight, I’ll see you around, Maya.”

“What about me??” Asked Catalina

“Fuck you,” responded Denisse, grinning at her and flashing her a peace sign.

Just like that, she left the cafeteria.

“Rude” said Catalina. “She's like that sometimes, but she’s a good person. When she wants to be lol.”

I just stayed silent, watching Denisse go.

“Say… want some Starbucks?” asked Catalina

“...sure”.

—------------------------------

Catalina and I both got something from Starbucks and we left the cafeteria. We made our way to a small amphitheater that was nearby. It was empty, so we took a seat near the podium. Catalina was chattering along without a care, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was in my head again.

I let it happen again.

I thought I could control it better

I thought I had improved!

But no…

“Hey, you ok?” asked Catalina.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling a little down” I responded. Taking a sip of my drink

“Wanna talk about it?”

I shook my head slightly

“No it’s alright. Thank you. I can’t bother you any more than I have already. We’ve just met, it isn’t right. And I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Again with that? I told you, don’t worry about it! I know what it’s like dealing with panic attacks, so I just wanted to help.”

“You? You’ve dealt with this?”

Is she saying that to make me feel better? If so I wish she didn’t.

“Yeah,” she responded, nodding her head. “Back in middle school, some shit happened, and I developed an anxiety disorder. Every day was just intrusive thought after intrusive thought. Oh I’m scared, Oh I can’t do this, Oh I'm gonna die! It was exhausting man.”

She looked tired when she said that. It was like, just remembering that period of her life made her deflate. She’s serious. She isn't saying this to comfort me…

“I reached a point where I grew tired of living locked up in my own head. So I tried so much shit to improve. It took a while, but eventually I got better.”

“Wow… that’s amazing.” I was in awe. I’ve never met someone who’d gotten over this…. This problem. It seemed inconceivable!

“I wish I could do the same…” I muttered under my breath.

“You can,” said Catalina.

Does she have magic hearing or what?

I just shook my head in response.

“I’ve been like this for a while. I’ve been doing therapy. I tried every trick and exercise my therapist recommended, but nothing seems to work! Heh, we even moved halfway across the country, thinking that a change in environment would help me improve! But no. It’s just the same old me.” I put my drink aside and buried my face in my knees. “I hate myself sometimes… I’m a failure.”

“You’re not a failure,” said Catalina. She pushed me slightly to get my attention. I raised my head to look at her.

“Look, I don’t know what happened to you, you know your situation, but think about it like this. You developed a stinking disorder without any clue of what it was at first, much less any idea of how to get rid of it. Yet you held on! You’re still here fighting to get better! Sure, you’re struggling and are having a bad time, but you’re still alive! You are still trying to improve! You have no idea how big an accomplishment that is.”

I just stared at her, eyes wide in surprise.

I’d resolved myself to this life. I thought, This is it. I can’t improve. I never thought that just being here, being alive, counted as something.

“When you put it like that…”

I looked up at Catalina, smiling up at her. “Thank you.”

She just shrugged

“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” she said matter-of-factly.

Friends?

“We’re… friends?”

“Well, I’d like us to be, yeah.”

Friends…

The last friends I had left me

Betrayed me…

Who says she won’t be different?

Will she accept me for who I am?

Or does she just feel pity for me?

Or…

Can I trust her?

I pursed my lips, scared of what I was about to say…

“Me too. I want to be friends with you.”

My mom said I had to put in the work to improve. In my case, give others a chance.

I’ve been reluctant to do that. I felt like I couldn’t trust others. I imagined that if I did, they’d just betray me in the end.

But Catalina is… she’s something.

From the moment we met, all she has shown me is kindness. I thought it may all be a lie, so I was wary of her. But then… “by mithros!”, she’d exclaimed. I learned she was a fellow book fan. I loosened up and, without noticing, gave her the chance I was so reluctant to give before. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, I thought. It seemed too good to be true.

But no. She is just that kind.

Upon hearing my response, Catalina was surprised at first. But that look quickly evaporated, and was replaced by a big smile.

“Great! Glad to have you aboard, Stump.”

Stump

I couldn’t help but smile back

She’d raised her drink in my direction

“So, friends?”

I raised mine as well

“Friends.”

And we gently tapped our cups in cheers.

We leaned back on our seats, enjoying our drinks, when a thought came to mind.

“Say… what happened to the tour?”

Catalina sat up incredibly fast and spat out her drink. After coughing a bit, she turned to look at me. She wore a tight, nervous smile as she said

“I forgot about that part.”

—------ The End —------