Prologue
I watched the play back of the video on my phone. I was making a memory reel of my time on ‘Islands of love’. I kept debating if I should post it. I looked over again at the two red lines starring back at me.~~
***I press play once more***
Who knew that at 23 I’d want to apply for reality tv? Or that at just 24 I’d wished I hadn’t. That my appearance on the show of “Islands of love” would change my whole world forever!
Not me that’s for damn sure. Now I’m sitting on the bathroom floor of my 1 bedroom apartment. Looking at this positive stick. I’m pregnant! Fuck!
Well I guess you’re probably wondering how I got here…. So let me take you back to where it all started.
I have some clips from the beach hut confessional…. I strung them together to create a memory time line. The clip starts playing and it cuts to the first beach hut scene-
“Hey ladies and gentleman I’m Kile. (I cup one hand to my mouth while leaning forward.) It’s pronounced Kai-Lee. Most people just call me Kyle though. Honestly I’ll probably answer to both. I’m 24 and I’m looking for the one. I want someone who is smart, kind, funny spontaneous, loving and HOT! ( I laugh at myself) OK, maybe that’s too much! But honestly I just want a good man who’s about me, someone honest and makes me laugh.”
Who knew I’d find what I thought I was looking for…
It cuts to the next beach hut clip-
“OMG! Ladies don’t envy me too much. Wow those boys are beyond smoking. Honestly though if I had to pick one it would be Joon. He’s got that hot k-pop idol look going for him. Sexy chiseled jawline. Impeccable chest and his eyes are this light golden honey color with chocolate brown hair slightly tousled on his head. I always feel a spark when I’m near him. I hope he does too.”
Now, I hoped that someone would of warned me about things being too good to be true. Spoiler, They didn’t!
The third clip plays-
“Wow! That kiss was wow. I’m ….. just…… WOW! He sure can kiss. He’s so cute and he makes me melt. It feels natural I didn’t know I could feel like this!”
I enjoyed this time in paradise. It didn’t last too long. Like he was more about the first impression than the person.
Another cut scene pops up-
“Guys he told me I’m the only girl who has his attention and it would take an act of God to turn his head. I want to believe him. I really like him. I’m nervous!”
Should of known he was trouble when he didn’t turn into a prince after the kiss. Unfortunately, I was young and in lust. Anyway back to the story!
Another beach hut confession rolls through-
“I think I’m proper falling for him. I think he might be the one. I’ve decided I’m gonna go all the way. See if there’s chemistry or if he’s all talk. Fingers crossed, nothing worse than bad sex you hoped was good… wish me luck.”
Well that was a beautifully tainted memory. I thought we meant something to each other. I thought we’d win the show together. Little did I know my happiness was about to go from ‘happily ever after’ to happily wish I hadn’t…
I wanted his words and actions to match but I was soon to understand they couldn’t be more different. A few days later a Bombshell walked in. She was everything I wasn’t. She was shy, reserved, soft spoken. Joon’s head snapped like a rubber band.
This is the clip where you can tell I’m losing faith.
“Claire is just so sweet and innocent. Like how can anyone who ends up here be that pure. I don’t know maybe I’m salty and jealous and maybe things don’t add up. I just wish he didn’t look at her like she was everything. I know the name of the game is to change and explore but I want Joon. I just hope she doesn’t take him.”
I should of know then my time was coming to an end after this clip-
“We played kiss, marry, pie today. I thought at the very least my partner would pick me to marry. Except he didn’t. He didn’t marry me. He didn’t even kiss me. I’m honestly scarred he’s turning away from me.”
Then there was my last beach hut before I got sent home.-
“I don’t think he’s gonna pick me tonight. I put all my eggs in his basket. So I think if his head has been turned this might be the last you see of me in the villa… (I sigh as the camera goes black)”
The video come back to me talking…
I can’t say I’m surprised at what happened next. It still didn’t hurt any less.
The clip starts this time at Joon picking who he’s going into the final with….
“Ever since this girl and I started vibing. It’s felt like one magical firework after another. With you by my side on this journey I know I can reach levels of happiness I never could reach before. So with that the girl I’m choosing to recouple with is…. Claire.”
Audible gasps can be heard from everyone, except me.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? We’ve been together this whole time. You told me I was yours. I did things with you I’ve only ever done once before. Now you’re going to turn away from me.”
“Kile, don’t make this a thing. I found a better connection with her and I’m sorry but I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
A text rings out
“It’s me. ‘Kile you’ve been left single and for that you’re going home now. Please pack your bags and say your goodbyes’ #outofluck #goinghomeagain… doesn’t sound like a happy ending for me now does it!”
“Look I’m sorry but Claire just gets me in a way you don’t …. Plus…..( he stops himself)” he looks like he wants to say something but stops.
“Naw, say it Joon! I’ve opened up to you and gave myself to you the least you can do is tell me why you’re rejecting me now. Seeing as how previously when you were kissing my neck and rubbing my ass you didn’t mention a word about NOT wanting to be with me.”
“Look you wanna know. My family will never accept you. And honestly I think your look is a joke. What are you even trying to be? Do you even know who you are? You just look like a lost scared little girl looking for any big strong man to take care of you.”
“I can’t even for a moment believe you’d ever speak to me that way and in front of so many people. I’ll never forgive you for this. I hope she is the one for you because you and I would never happen again… You know Claire for your sake, I hope you don’t trust him either. He’s a lying 2-faced snake.”
“Only to you babe (she blows me a kiss)” Claire smirks like she’s won.
“Good luck both of you are trash! (I stop at the trash can in the kitchen on the way out.) Oh look how did I never know you brought your whole home with you. (I stroke it gently.) What a lovely home you have Joon. Hope it’s just what you wanted!” I walk off before anyone could say anything. Probably too stunned to speak.
The video cuts back to me talking.
I cried my eyes out when I got in the car. Big emotional outbursts weren’t me. I hated that he got me so riled up. I mean it was a show right. Well the flight home was mostly spent crying and trying to find the signs I missed. I wish it all made more sense. All I know, Is that I’m gonna love this baby and I’m gonna do it on my own!
