For You, Every Bullet (MxM)

— Andrew —

I awoke in a hospital bed, sunlight beaming into the room and warming my bare but bandaged shoulder and arm. My eyes met the glaring green eyes of my partner, Theo. And my stomach lurched.

His dark hair was dishevelled and falling over his thick eyebrows, he was hunched over, hands on the mattress at the end of the bed on either side of my feet. His strong jaw was clenched tight. There was murder in his eyes – but not aimed at me, I knew – aimed at the man who’d shot me.

It still made my heart palpitate, though, loud in my ears.

We were cops, and I’d been Theo’s partner for three years. He was five and a half years my senior – I was 27, he was 33 – and we had a good rapport most of the time, though there were still many secrets between us.

And on the field, Officers Theodore Grayson and Andrew Jacobs were one hell of a duo.

We were hunting a criminal gang that had killed someone close to Theo a year before I joined his precinct. Someone very close to him, someone he loved, but I didn’t know who. Theo hadn’t disclosed all the details to me, and I respected his privacy, as did the Chief and the others who didn’t divulge either.

Last night, I took a bullet in the shoulder for Theo, because I vowed to help him and protect him. The guy who shot me? Had aimed at Theo, because Theo was on to the gang.

My vision had zeroed in on Theo, the same way it was on him now, everything around me dark and out of focus, as though the only light there was shone in him.

I launched him out of the way and took the bullet for him.

My secret? I was in love with Theo.

The thing is, I didn’t know if he was gay, and he didn’t know that I was gay – I was masc, so I kept my sexuality close to my chest, unless I felt it necessary or was comfortable revealing it. So this affection I felt for him could have very well been one-sided.

I knew, however, that Theo was loyal and caring towards the many men and women with whom we worked. So that glare he was giving? That was making me feel flutters, not to mention aroused, could have just been because I was his partner and nothing more.

A man could fantasise, though.

And his smouldering stare had me forget the throbbing discomfort in my right shoulder.

No, instead, it had me very aware of another kind of throbbing that was growing at my crotch.

I swallowed, as my partner continued to glare daggers my way.

‘Good morning.’ I managed a wan smile.

My shoulder was bandaged on both sides – the bullet had gone right through – and I could feel the pull where the doctor’s stitching had sewn up my torn flesh. I knew I’d lost a lot of blood. I bled out and passed out in Theo’s arms last night. As everything became a dizzy haze, his eyes wide with fear, his grip strong and grounding, I held onto him, onto consciousness, onto hope, as long as I could, until my mind shut down and darkness overtook me.

But the wound was nothing lethal. I’d be right as rain in no time.

‘What the hell were you thinking?’ Theo growled at me, his deep voice a timbre lower than usual.

I raked a hand through my hair, pushing my golden brown locks out of my face.

‘I was obviously thinking of you and saving your life.’ I didn’t appreciate his tone. It made my stomach clench with an unknown fear, making me feel bad for trying to do good. 'You could show some gratitude, Theo.’

‘You don’t get it!’ He pushed away from the bed, making it shake as he did.

‘Then tell me,’ I insisted.

He started pacing. He usually got like this when he was agitated, angry, or worried, and right now, he looked all three.

'You don’t just get to jump in front of me like that and take a bullet for me! That was aimed at me. I won’t be responsible for your death.’

I chuckled mirthlessly, my heart sinking. ‘Is this your way of telling me you have a death wish you want fulfilled?’

Theo stopped pacing, and pointed his index finger at me. ‘This isn’t funny, Andrew. You could have died!’

‘But I didn’t. The shot went wild, and it hit me in the right shoulder.’ I gesticulated with my left hand to emphasise my next argument. ‘I’m ambidextrous, I can aim just as well with my left hand as with my right. This?’ I lifted out my right side elbow slightly. ‘Won’t slow me down. And I can keep helping you and protecting you.’

‘I don’t want you to protect me!’

The barbed yell jolted me and clenched my heart.

'Protect yourself and let me worry about me.’

‘Except we’re partners, Theo! We protect each other!’ I averted my gaze, my heart racing. My tone was clipped. 'Or are you saying you wouldn’t take a bullet for me?’

If his answer was no, then my feelings were likely one-sided.

‘You still don’t get it.’

‘You still won’t tell me so I do get it,’ I countered.

Theo huffed. ‘I’ve got to get back to the precinct. There’s work to be done about that gang and the guy who shot you.’ He paused, working his jaw.

I’d never seen him this pissed before, at least not pissed at me like that. I worried it was going to make things weird between us. Whatever his gripe was with me saving his life, it was clear he was unhappy about it, and the reason was probably not what I’d hoped. My heart sank.

Theo turned and stalked out of the room. Rolling my eyes at his back, I shifted in the bed and winced loudly as a jolt of pain shot to my shoulder.

Theo spun around and ran to my side, literally taking three large strides to close the distance, and then he was crouched by me, a hand on my bandage, his eyes wide and moving frantically.

The only other time I’d seen him look at me with such fear or concern in his eyes…was last night.

‘Andrew, what happened? Do you need the doctor?’ His breathing had quickened.

Despite the thudding in my chest, a smirk crept its way onto my face. ‘You care about me,’ I teased.

The glower returned.

My stomach clenched. This close, with that glare. And those thin hospital sheets covering me. Please don’t look down at my crotch, I thought. Or maybe he should, and see the effect he had on me. At least it would be out in the open. Maybe he’d reciprocate, kiss me. Maybe that smoulder in his eyes meant he desired me and wanted to fuck me.

Maybe it meant he was eye-fucking me, because the times I looked at him like that, were when I was eye-fucking him.

Because I was so hot for him, and it was so fucked up how I’d wanted no other man for years, despite the fact that he, as far as I knew, didn’t feel the same. Of course, he didn’t, he was straight.

But my god was his glaring making me feel all sorts of fired up, a melting pot of emotions and searing heat in my body.

Okay, these thoughts weren’t helping the growing problem under the sheets.

I shook my head. Well, a man could try to probe. Failed.

‘I’m fine, just moved the wrong way. But best get the doctor in to make sure I didn’t stretch open any stitches.’

Theo nodded. ‘Okay.’ His voice was gentle but raspy, and that had the same effect as his glower.

He backed away and rubbed a hand down his face. I noticed the stubble and realised he hadn’t shaved since yesterday morning, despite wearing a fresh set of clothes. He was always clean-shaven, cleaner-shaven than me.

‘Did you go home last night?’ I asked.

‘No, you idiot!’ he shouted, sounding exasperated, with something else behind his high-pitched clipped tones that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. ‘I’ve been here all night making sure I wouldn’t have to watch your ass get shoved six feet under so that I could kick it once you awoke!’

I suppressed a laugh at his indignant tone. Part of it was shock at his reaction, part of it was reflexive as I began thinking I wouldn’t mind him doing something else to my ass. I felt my cheeks warm.

‘Thanks.’ I sobered and looked into his eyes, hope beyond hope. Fuck, I had to stop this, but I was stuck on him, and last night was the proof. ‘I’d take all the bullets for you, Theo.’ My mutter was out loud, I realised, an unspoken declaration in there.

‘Don’t!’ he demanded. 'Don’t take any bullets for me! For anyone. Just stay alive, you fucking idiot!’ He stormed out of the room, leaving my breath shaking, my heart racing, and I leaned my head back, wishing his anger meant something.

I closed my eyes, turning my head slowly, feeling as though Theo had slapped me. I let out a long exhale.

I had to get a boyfriend, I realised, my heart clenching. That would help me get over my partner who probably had no feelings for me whatsoever.