Dear Lord, If I Get To Heaven, Will You Let Me Go To Hell..?

This tale started the day it all went wrong- the day I was born on- 4th of July...ironically it was the day everyone else celebrated their independence but I was the only one caged.

My parents say that I was born upside down:- yeah... my head was where my legs were supposed to be and my legs were where my head was supposed to be..

Since then...MY WHOLE LIFE HAD BEEN- UPSIDE DOWN.

They say the moment my mother saw my face for the first time.. she looked up at the hospital ceiling- praying for a SON in her next attempt.. Sounds sad?? It did to me too when I got to know about it the first time...but if I knew how my life was going to be..I would have wished that too..

So eventually, she conceived my little brother when I was just starting to get something called 'Memory' in that tiny brain of mine.. So I don't remember that unshared love I got..I even doubt that if I got any of it..

My first memory?? A soft, fragile human being- a baby given into my arms in a hospital like environment.. that was my little brother Peter.

If I had known how he was gonna turn in the coming future.. I would have dropped him then and there from my arms - he is a pain in the ass now..

HE STOLE MY EVERYTHING- THE LOVE, THE CARE , THE SOFTNESS OF THE HAND OF A GUARDIAN..EVERYTHING THAT WAS MEANT TO BE MINE..WAS EVENTUALLY HIS..

“Papa I want a remote control car”

“Peter will get it”

“I also want to wear comfy t-shirts..these frocks are so tight.”

“T-shirts are for Peter”

“I also want a T.V. time in the evening”

“Peter wants to watch it.. if you don't let him , he will cry.. So, let him have the T.V.”

“My grades are getting better- can we plan the trip to Disneyland now? please?”

“No Melissa, Peter doesn't like it there”

PETER PETER PETER PETER!!!!!

Honestly, at some point I thought my name had been legally changed to ‘not Peter.’

Funny thing is... I don't exactly hate him...I just hated the fact that I was made feel that way..

If needed.. I would have willingly traded myself off for his life.. it was just the messed up relation we both had.

A three year age gap and a lots of fights filling it.

And he wasn't that innocent someone could guess by his plump face- he used to hurt himself while playing intentionally just to blame it on me.. ugh!!

Well.. I can go all day long.. talking about his deeds, but I will have to respect the time of the person reading it.. as time of the living is really precious... I hope the ones who still breathe get it sooner.

But of course he is in most part of my life... till he got all distant from me..

I was bullied in my early school day because of him- he was the tiny cute boy in his class, and a girl from my class used to tease him.

Once she plucked his hair out from his scalp.. he cried a lot but never told our parents as his big sister- Me; took matter in my own hands.

I shoved the girl's face hard over her own wooden bench.. blood dropped a little from her nose.. to which I said- “Oh..I thought your head will bleed- wanted to see your hairs dyed red.”

Um..yeah- I was really in a mood to fight that day for my little brother.. but unfortunately it backfired..

That is when I started getting bullied- apparently that girl had a big brother...

The rest is history~

Okay okay fine... I won't skip this part just like this..

He made me bring lunch for him from the cafeteria every- single- day till he graduated elementary school.

He also made me clean his and his friend's shoes after they played in the playground.

And he also made do his homework- which was pretty much just copying from his friends' notebooks.

And I just couldn't tell my parents because I knew they just won't listen my part... they will just punish me more for fighting with that girl.

Also- how could that girl be forgotten- she used her brother's name to get her homework done too by me..

And slowly.. by time... I lost my confidence.. became an introvert while also being the nerd who just studies to get her parent's attention a little and obeys everyone in school just to get a moment to breathe..

And what was Peter's reaction to all of this?

Nothing.

Exactly...NOTHING.

I couldn't expect more from him...

He continued his life happy with his silky hairs he loved.

As he excelled academically, getting all the love at home.. I barely managed to balance it all in silence- with scores that didn't receive a single smile..

I wasn't dumb exactly...I just never touched 95% and above like Peter.

My whole year of struggle in studies gave even less than his 1 week before exam study session.. “God gifted child” they used to say. And me? ..I was just the- other child.

I think if I disappeared back then… my bullies would’ve noticed before my family did.

Well- if I could get a chance now to live again but freeze time just there... I would.

Because what was coming ahead in my life.. was not at all something I was ready for.