Prologue
~ Leonardo ~
I’m supposed to be their only love and joy... supposed to be the one effortlessly bringing genuine and bright smiles to their faces.
I complied with their every wish, putting my dreams on hold to become the person they wanted. Adjusting to the constant lack of attention and facing scolding for minor things should have been something I got used to.
However, living a lie for all my twenty-six years has proven to be far more challenging than I thought. I have known for eighteen years that I was the child they never wanted. I was unplanned and behind closed doors, I was a failure and a disappointment to them. I always thought that the primal thing in a parent’s life is their child but that was not the case for me or it could be that it was a twisted way of fate telling me that I’m unworthy of a parent’s affection.
So I decided when I was in my last year of high school that I’d rather be their puppet in exchange for a small portion of theirs than be ignored and unloved by them.
I followed their rules.
My career and who I romantically got involved with to profit from their business, were all decided by them. The monthly check-ins and brief visits home sparked a joy in me that I couldn’t deny. It was a validation, a fleeting acknowledgment that I was not entirely invisible to them - something I had yearned for and daydreamed about for as long as I could remember.
Finally, I allowed myself to believe that, perhaps, they loved me, and were attempting to compensate for all those years of neglect. However, my hopes crumbled to dust when I uncovered the motives behind their sudden change of heart. It wasn’t about affection. It was a calculated move. They planned to partner with a wealthy family on a project, where the future gains far outweighed any losses.
To seal the deal, marriage was arranged between me and the daughter of the other party. Knowing that I could not be tied down with a woman for better or for worse, I informed my parents of my interest in only men and that seemed to be the only thing that snapped the last strings of their acceptance towards me. Unable to accept having a gay child, they chose to verbally disown me out of fear that their businesses would suffer, considering wealth was their top priority.
Beyond the charade we put on at business functions, where we acted as the responsible family, my parents wanted nothing to do with me. I became a shell of my former self. I put a humorous facade on to convince the world. I took countless men to bed to fill the deep void in my chest that longs for affection with no bounds.
Then I met this man. He’s pretty and handsome at the same time with brown shoulder-length curly hair. He is a portrait that I’d never wish to stop looking at. He’s broken and his heart bleeds from the pain that I want nothing more than to yank away.
This man crossed my path, filling the void in my chest from the moment we met. In no time, he intricately wove himself into every fiber of my being, rendering me too lost to retrieve. He dismantled the walls I had pitched around me, and as those words slipped from his lips, my heart was shattered. I wish I had realized sooner that he wasn’t to blame, for we were both unaware that we were mere pawns in their game. Above all, as I pursued for the moon, I found two stars.
Let the game begin.
~Daniel ~
I quite remember how much the darkness frightened me. No matter how wide I will my eyes open, its hollow shadows envelop me. It swallows me till I’m deep within its stomach and unwilling to spit me out.
Then, my cravings began. My cravings for pain and more pain until my hunger is satiated. I used to be a happy child once. I used to be the light in this family until she started to give me her attention. I loved how she cared for me as I was her third child. Then I started to loathe myself for ever giving her the opportunity in my life.
She began with little manipulations until it grew and grew and all for what, fame. She forced me to do things that I never wanted in the beginning. Her whispers of sweet nothings and how I was his favorite son out of all my brothers led me to my doom. The only way that kept me sane was the feeling of the knife and cold sharp metals against my fair skin.
I knew it was bad.
I knew it was unhealthy. But I just couldn’t stop when I had had a taste of its sweet flavor.
The horrible view of red that seeps out from my skin felt good and I knew it was bad. I knew I should have stopped, but my addiction grew and grew up to a point of no return. At least, that was what I thought.
Every time I would cut myself, I cried myself to sleep from the guilt of my actions eating me alive. The voice in my head taunted me to put away the blade till it drove me crazy until I was left unconscious. I hated that I liked it. I relished the pain and darkness and I hate myself for that feeling.
I loathed that it was my only escape from my mother’s manipulations. My siblings thought I was going through a phase that would end soon but they were wrong. They never knew the black sheep among us all this while. I became a shell of my former self. My sentences were short or just a nod or shake of my head. I rarely smiled, burying myself in comics and a job that was thrust upon me.
They said I needed help and I knew I needed it badly but I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t trust anyone to hear the reason behind the darkness in me. I also feared what she would do if she found out that I spilled everything to someone even if said someone was a therapist.
She knew that I knew what she was capable of as it wouldn’t be her first time messing with blood and corpses. And when I thought there was no redemption for me, I met him. His grey eyes made my heart leap. For the first time in forever, my heart and body craved something that wasn’t pain.
I knew I was wrong for him as he was for me.
We were not compatible but I decided to take the shot cupid sent my way. When everything seemed perfect, I destroyed him with my words. It was not intentional. Those words slipped from my lips in a fit of violent wrath. The pain I felt was the only pain I’d never crave for.
I’m not ready to move on without him. I’ll do what it takes to win him back. He has to be mine. Little did I know that the small Rivers would be stumbling into our lives and be its navigator. We might have played right into their game, but I am elated either way.
I’m not backing off yet, don’t worry, you can let the game begin.
~Rivers~
Run, Run, Run
The wind brutally struck my face, each gust compelling me to quicken my pace. My vision blurred, and the throbbing ache in my head begged for rest, yet I pressed on, unable to yield.
Rivulets of tears and sweat streamed down my face, the scorching sun unforgivingly searing my skin, transforming it from white to a bright red flush. I knew I was naive and childish. But they shouldn’t have thought that I was a fool. A fool to not notice they might have killed or even sold my son at the time he was taken from me. I kept quiet when my parents, as the scientist freaks they are, started to use me as their experience from age ten.
I was the eldest. I was supposed to be the next Don but the position was passed to my younger brother for I was seen as incompetent. I was too small and feminine, barely reaching 5 feet 4. Even at age 18, I was hyper and acted like a child. So, when our parents informed me that Vincenzo was to be the next Don, I understood. I had no desire for that position anyway, and besides, I loved my younger brother more than anything or anyone.
The burden of being born into the mafia weighed heavily on me. I yearned for an escape, knowing all too well it was an impossible dream. However, my last strings were severed when they took my son away just after his birth. My parents came up with an idea nine months ago on how to get their mineral water to sell faster than their competitors.
From their scientific minds came forth the formula, MB9. Only if they knew that the effects of their invention would go contrary to what they had in mind. It was their first experiment to test the new type of mineral water along with an injection of semen in my uterus. I ended up pregnant and birthed a different thing. I never got to see my child, whether it was a boy or a girl, or even if it lived or died.
So I fled to another country with the last money I had on me to buy a ticket. I thought I would die when I arrived for I was drugged and assaulted by thugs and my unconscious body was dumped at a dirty alley.
Then he saved me and took me. His pair of grey eyes gave me new hope and wanting to keep that hope alive, I had to lie about myself. I never knew I played in their game, but at least, I would not be winning alone. I would be in the middle of these two.
Don’t go easy on me because of my childish looks, mi amore, and let the game begin.
