1 - Take a deep breath
Elisabeth
What in the hell am I doing here? Eyes closed, sitting straight on a yoga mat, surrounded by strangers? How am I supposed to relax only because this man tells me to? This is so far out of my comfort zone I could be sitting on another planet.
Mars, maybe. Rocky, scorching hot, anything but comfortable. Or relaxing.
I hear everyone around me breathing in, loudly and out, as instructed, and the only thing I can concentrate on is a bloody pigeon repeating his stupid cooing in a loop, louder and louder. I guess Mister Pigeon is really horny, and Miss Pigeon doesn't get the message. Or she's ignoring him.
God, the thoughts you get when you try not to think…
The sun hides behind a cloud and I feel a shiver running on my back. Ominous, much? I have had this sense of doom since I unpacked this morning. Again, what the fuck am I doing here…
After a sigh that could fit with the deep breathing around me, I inwardly curse Bonnie with all my might. Blast her and her ‘brilliant ideas’. “It'll be good for you, Ellie! A change of scenery, some spiritual guidance, you'll thank me afterwards, I promise”.
Ah well, let's give it a chance then…Can't be much worse than it already was. Right?
~~~
Marco the meditation guru, though we shouldn't call him that: he is a “Well-being coach”, if you please, declares he is very, very happy with us. He says we all meditated very well, and we should applaud ourselves.
I stand up, stiff from sitting for so long, stretching, thinking there's no way in hell I'm gonna applaud myself for sitting on my ass and stay quiet for more than half an hour, and hear a scoff behind me. I turn around and see a guy, shaking his head too, folding a towel.
Hey, he was smarter than me, he brought a towel to sit on.
I realise the guy I'm looking at is the one who arrived late this morning, triggering a streak of whispers and giggles from the group. He missed the introductions, but didn't give his name, maybe he’s just shy. He waved an apologetic “Hi everyone” before sitting down, ignoring the unrest his arrival brought.
Right now, not applauding, he leaves without looking at anyone, and I let out a sigh of relief. Good, I won't be the only one not bouncing eagerly, waiting for the coach to hear whatever ‘vision’ the meditation brought me.
Because, frankly, except for a screaming sciatic nerve and an itching nose I wasn't willing to scratch, considering every one of my moves was met with different sighs and sounds of disapproval from the rest of the group, meditation did not shit for me today.
I fold my yoga mat and walk away, telling myself, for the 100th time since this morning, that I don't belong here.
But hey, massages this afternoon! Nothing spiritual there, but my back will thank me, let's go!
