Fractured Mind

I rub my eyes as I yawn out, my alarm has just gone off. It’s four in the morning and even though I still want to sleep I know it’s not possible. I have to prepare Joshua for the, day if I delay it means I will also be delaying for work.

‘Good morning.’ I say noticing his eyes are open

‘Good morning.’ He responds

I want to ask why he sounds angry this early but decide I will not allow his foe mood to ruin the rest of my day.

‘Mweene I would like to talk to you.’ He says as I stand up to get out of bed

I sit back down and wait for him to begin.

‘You are aware that my sister is living with us now right?’

‘Before you go further, I thought you said she just came here to visit.’

Joshua is thirty-three of age, a bread Winner in his family. He comes from a family of four, he is the youngest with three elder sisters. Both of his Parents are alive and living in a different town. I on the other hand I am twenty-nine. I come from a family of three and a middle child. I have a young sister and an elder brother but unfortunately, I have no relationship with both. I work as the head accountant for Mwale Accounting Firm. Joshua and I have been married for the past three years and we have no child together.

He woke me up in the wee hours on Monday last week telling me how his eldest sister had a misunderstanding with her husband and she needed a place to cool off, it didn’t make sense that she came here when she was closer to her parents and could have gone to any of her sisters. But Joshua always says that I hate his family so I let it go, besides it was just a visit.

‘That was the plan, but she is not getting back with her husband. And it will be hard for her to do anything in that small town so I suggested that she lives with us for the time being.’

‘Joshua we are barely surviving as it stands, what makes you think that bringing in someone else will be easy for us.’

‘Mweene it is not someone else, this is my elder sister.’

I breathe out deeply.

‘Alright. So what were you about to tell me.’

‘My sister is living with us now, and my parents have always been against a woman wearing pants.’

He pauses. I try so hard to hold my tongue because this is messed up.

‘I told you this when I met you and before we started dating.’

I try my best to sound as calm as I can.

‘Joshua when we met you told me that you were against women wearing pants, I also remember when we got married you told me I could wear pants but if we had to visit your people or any of them came to visit us then I needed to shun away from wearing them.’

I pause.

‘I have followed that rule all these years.

‘And I am not disputing that. But my sister is here to live with us, so you need to abide by those rules.’

‘Joshua this is our house, how am I supposed to live knowing that you will be changing all these things? Last I checked your sisters don’t wear makeup or extensions, am I supposed to change all that?’

‘Yes.’ He responds coldly

‘You are joking right?’

‘I am not Mweene. You are my wife and you need to obey me.’

‘It is not you I will be obeying Joshua, it is your family. What am I supposed to do with all the pants I have? The hair extensions? The makeup? What in God’s name am I supposed to do with them?’

‘You tell me, besides I know that you are beautiful so who do you want to dress up for?’

‘For crying out loud Joshua you are a modern man who is civilized? What is this?’

Before he can respond there is a knock at the door.

‘You are kidding me right?’ I ask looking at him

He stands up and opens the door.

‘Good morning sis.’

‘Good morning bro, you slept well I hope.’

‘I did. Why are you up so early?’

‘You know me, sleeping in has never been my style. Your water is ready, your breakfast too.’

‘Thank you so much.’

‘You are welcome, you know how dad always says that the earliest bird caught the worm.’

He chuckles lightly.

‘I know.’

‘So it is better for you to leave home early.’

‘Again thank you.’

‘Do you need me to carry the bucket to your bathroom?’

‘How dare she?’ I think to myself

‘No sis, I will be okay.’

‘Alright, hurry now before your food gets cold.’

He carries the bucket into the bedroom and walks straight to the bathroom whilst avoiding my eyes.

I would love to address this now but I tell myself I will address it later, besides that means two things off my schedule today. I will just clean the house and prepare myself for work.

I wrap a chitenge on top of my night dress and leave the bedroom.

‘Good morning.’ I greet Janet

‘Good morning.’ She greets back but then I notice that the house looks clean.

‘You swept?’

‘It’s my brother’s house not so? I can’t have him getting sick in a dirty house.’

‘I see.’

I walk to the kitchen and drink my detox water which I left in the fridge then turn on the kettle so that I can make my coffee. I notice that Joshua’s lunch bag is packed and, on the table, I will not stress over this. I have had enough for the morning, so when the water heats up I make my coffee and head to the bedroom.

Joshua is done bathing when I get there, I have this itchy feeling to address all this but I choose my sanity over everything. As he dresses up quietly I make the bed all the while sipping on my coffee. Once it is done I pick out clothes for the day then go to bath, in the bathroom I take my time since I have so much of it on my hands – thanks to Janet who decided to play super hero today.

By the time I am getting back to the bedroom, Joshua has dressed up and is not in the room.

..

Kwenje’s Girl