Spring
SPRING
Shoes squeaking against the floor. Lockers slamming shut. Distant chatter. The same sounds he’d been hearing in these hallways for years, usually keeping to himself, listening more than talking, watching more than joining in.
Chris walked with his gaze low, hands in the pockets of his hoodie and kept a steady pace. If there was one thing he learned in school, it was to be invisible. He’d figured out how to blend in here early on.
Christopher Dawson, who prefers to go by Chris, was just another face in the crowd. For others, he was just another student moving between classes, someone people recognized without paying much attention to.
It wasn’t something he’d decided to do. It was just easier not to stand out, until it eventually became a habit. Then a skill. Then something almost comforting. No one went out of their way to notice him, but no one avoided him either. Except for her.
With his gaze fixed on the locker numbers ahead of him, he noticed her before he saw her.
“Chris!” Daisy exclaimed from across the hallway, waving her hand with so much enthusiasm.
He flinched, the sound cutting through the hallway’s noise and his careful composure. He turned in her direction and returned an awkward half-wave.
There were only a handful of people he’d ever clicked with, like Luke, the friend who’d moved away in sophomore year, but for the most part, he was on his own. But there was also Daisy Hayes.
He’d known Daisy since seventh grade, when she and her parents moved in their neighborhood from California for a ‘fresh start’. And as cliche as it was, that’s when a crush began, a stupid, hopeless secret he’d managed to keep hidden for years. It started as something small and silly, but over time, it had blossomed into a deep, quiet admiration.
He couldn’t help it when Daisy was a walking, breathing reminder of everything he wasn’t. She was effortlessly confident, naturally personable, and admired by everyone. She was a breath of fresh air in his world, a stark contrast to the tense, strained atmosphere of the home he shared with his father.
Daisy, without even a glance back, broke away from her friends and made a beeline for him. Her friends, a tight-knit circle just a few feet away, didn’t even react. They knew this was a normal thing. Chris could only guess she probably had some gossip or good news to share. She was practically skip-hopping her way toward him, a wide grin on her face.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as she was.
“You are not going to believe this.” she said, her voice bright with excitement.
“What?” he asked, now genuinely curious.
“I finally got Cloverfield on DVD.” She laughed, holding out her hands like proof.
“No way,” Chris said, a little too quickly.
“Right?” she said, grinning. “I couldn’t believe it either. It’s been impossible to get.”
“I’ve been holding off on it, but I was thinking.. maybe we could watch it together later? At my place?”
He nodded, a smile he couldn’t hide creeping onto his face. “Cool. I’ll bring snacks.”
He was still wearing that goofy smile when her expression suddenly changed. Her gaze shifted over his shoulder, her grin faltering just a little. Chris turned to look, and his heart sank.
John Talbot, Daisy’s boyfriend, was walking down the hallway. Chris knew they were in a ‘rough phase’ but he didn’t press her about it.
John passed them, his gaze looking anywhere but their direction, and Daisy quickly looked away, trying to act normal. She cleared her throat and gave Chris a quick, “Anyway, I’ll see you later!” before turning back to her friends, who were still waiting a few feet away.
Chris watched her go, and just as she disappeared back into the group, his eyes met the gaze of one of her friends. It was only for a split second, a flash of something he couldn’t quite place. A look that was brief and unsure, before she swiftly diverted her gaze and went on as she trailed behind the group.
Instances like that were unusual. He was convinced he was basically invisible to most people, and for someone to notice him, to see him, always caught him by surprise. It made him feel a little self-conscious, a little too seen. He shrugged, pretending it didn’t bother him, and continued on his way
The couch was a small island in the dim room, bathed in the faint glow of the television. The almost-empty wine bottle sat on the coffee table. Chris tried to focus on the movie, but his attention kept drifting to Daisy.
She was curled into the cushions, suspiciously quiet, despite her excitement earlier. Her gaze is fixed somewhere past the screen but he could feel her looking at him sometimes, fleeting glances here and there. Just then, her cold toes nudged his elbow, and he turned to her.
“Can you pour me more wine?” she slurred, a faint blush dusted her cheeks.
“Haven’t you had enough?” he said, a hint of a smile in his voice as he tried to ignore how adorable she looked right then.
He watched as he handed her the last glass, now fully emptying the bottle. She sat up clumsily, a few quiet hiccups escaping her. She took a slow sip, her eyes holding his over the rim of the glass. She looked like she was thinking about something.
“You know,” she said, finally lowering her glass, “you’ve gotten really hot lately.” She said it casually, as if commenting on the weather. Leaning back against the couch, she smiled, her head tilted and her cheeks rosy from the alcohol.
Chris blinked, caught off guard. “What?”
She laughed softly. “I’m serious. You used to be all lanky and sad-looking back in middle school. Now you’re.. I don’t know. You’re kinda alright.”
Daisy took another sip, grinning. “Stacie thinks you’re cute. I told her she should go for it.”
Chris laughed, short and awkward. He remembered the glance Stacie had given him earlier that day, and the few other times in school. Maybe he wasn’t so invisible after all. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Daisy rolled her eyes and turned toward him, nearly sloshing her drink. “Oh, come on. She’s single, she’s into you, and you’ve never even had a girlfriend, so what’s the problem?”
She paused, squinting at him as if a thought had just hit her, then straightened up with a grin. “Wait, don’t tell me you’ve never had your first kiss?”
Chris rolled his eyes, a crooked smile tugging at his lips. “No,” he said, honest and unbothered.
“Oh my god, that won’t do,” Daisy said, eyes wide with mock disbelief. “We’re gonna have to fix that.”
Chris looked up. “What?”
“A practice kiss,” she said with a grin. “No malice, I swearrr. Just in case you ever go for Stacie.” She shifted on the couch, almost losing her balance as she leaned in a little too close.
“Wait,” his heart thudded. “What are you doing?”
“Come on, it’s me,” she said, nudging his knee, still smiling. “I won’t bite.”
Before he could react, she leaned in. Her face was suddenly right there, her breath sweet with wine. Her lips pressed on his, quick and light, and then she pulled back with a soft laugh. “You’re so tense,” she teased.
Chris froze, unsure what had just happened. Daisy only giggled and shifted closer, closing the space between them without hesitation. His breath caught when their eyes met. He searched her face for a hint of a joke, some sign that this was all in fun, but she looked oddly serious, her expression unreadable.
“Relax,” she murmured, brushing his hair from his forehead. “Let’s try that again.”
Chris’s pulse thudded in his ears as she leaned in pressing her lips onto his, her fingers curling into his shirt. For a moment, he forgot to breathe. Then, almost without thinking, he kissed her back. His hands hovered uselessly at her sides, unsure if he was even allowed to touch her.
He squeezed his eyes shut, his mind reeling as he felt her adjust to his movements. He felt the warmth of her skin so close, the faint scent of her shampoo, and the soft sound of their mouths touching filling the quiet of the room, over the faint sound of the tv.
Then suddenly, right when he thought he’d stopped thinking altogether, something sharp cut through the haze in his head and sent a jolt of clarity through him that made his stomach twist. He thought about her and John. He thought about how wrong this was in so many ways.
His chest tightened as he drew back, his breathing unsteady. He reached for her hand and gently set it aside.
“Alright, that’s enough,” he said, the words catching slightly in his throat.
Daisy looked at him, flushed and blinking. “Are you okay?”
“I just need a second,” he mumbled, gently pushing her off of him and stood up. His heart beat wildly in his chest.
He didn’t wait for her response and headed straight to the bathroom. The moment the door shut behind him, he gripped the sink and leaned over it, staring at a stranger in the mirror. His lips were red. His face, dazed. He looked like a boy who’d just tasted everything he’d ever wanted, and knew he could never have it again.
She kissed me.
She kissed me.
But it didn’t mean what he wanted it to mean. She was tipsy, playful, detached, and he doubted she even realized the weight of her actions.
He shut his eyes and rubbed them. The fluorescent lights above felt suddenly harsh. His chest felt tight. A quick inhale. Then another. The floor tilted, or maybe it was just him. He forced himself upright, as his head spun and his ears rang.
Not until a soft knock interrupted the spiral.
“Chris?” Daisy’s voice came muffled through the door. “Sorry, did I freak you out or something?”
He let out a deep breath and opened the door slowly. Daisy leaned against the frame, her eyes sleepy, her hair a little messy.
“I didn’t mean to weird you out,” she said. “Was it that bad? Was my breath gross or something?” she hiccuped.
Chris gave a small laugh, trying to loosen the tension in his chest. “No,” he said. “It was fine.”
She tilted her head. “Then what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. Really. Come on, go lay down. You’re drunk. ”
He helped her back to the couch, and she collapsed into it with a content sigh, already dozing. Chris fetched a blanket and tucked it around her. Then he sat there, watching her. Her lips were parted slightly, her lashes fluttering against her cheeks as she dozed off. She looked peaceful.
He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. His chest ached with the hope that what just happened wouldn’t change anything. He had almost let his true feelings get in the way, and he knew he wasn’t going to forgive himself if it cost him their friendship. For a long time, he had been content just watching her from afar. Just being this close.
She didn’t know that she was the only reason he ever looked forward to anything. But she was already asleep. And he would never let her know.
Later that night, Chris lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, his body very still. The silence of his room wrapped around him like a heavy blanket. He felt nothing. And everything, all at once. His fingers drifted to his lips, grazing them as if to confirm what had happened. The warmth of her breath, the softness of her mouth, her subtle scent, and the weight of her on his lap, flooded his thoughts. A sudden, electric shiver crawled down his spine, leaving a hot trail in its wake.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will the thoughts away. I shouldn’t be thinking about this.
He rolled onto his side, knees to chest curling into a tight ball, as if that might squeeze the memory from his mind. But his body betrayed him. A frantic heat rose in his chest and a pulsing, insistent ache settled low in his abdomen. He bit his lip.
“This can’t be happening,” he muttered into the dark.
The fluorescent glow of the streetlight through his curtains cast faint shadows across the walls, and for a moment, it felt like the room itself was pressing in on him.
He pressed his face into his pillow, breath hitching, every second making him feel more hollow.
When he rolled onto his back, the air felt cold against his skin, and his stomach twisted in a familiar, sinking knot.
Chris draped his arm over his eyes and stayed like that for a long time. He didn’t bother getting under the covers. His body stayed a tight coil. His mind, however, refused to shut down, replaying everything on an endless loop. Sleep wouldn’t come. The night stretched slow, quiet, merciless.
