Nexus of Regret

The door on my truck creaks as I open it. 'As tired as I feel, huh, girl?' Reaching for my phone, I swipe for Ruth's number, then hit dial.

'Hi Honey. How'd it go?'

'Hey baby. Just finished with the Wilsons. Heading home now.'

'Great! Dinner will be ready soon - I made Mac 'n' cheese.'

'Sounds perfect. I'll see you soon, baby — love you.'

'Love you too, sweetie.'

With a few cranks the engine kicks over, and I'm coasting west down some twisting forest roads. Bright lights ahead dazzle me while rounding a curve. Then… everything goes black.

I wake with a sudden jolt 'Gah!' Taking a moment to look around, I get to my feet, and I'm immediately aware of how little my body aches. 'Jesus! I got thrown from the truck. Why am I not in agony, right now?'

'Hello?' A young woman calls out.

'Over here.' I walk towards her, passing between the wrecked vehicles, and immediately notice something unsettling.

'Are you alright?'

'I guess so... What happened? Where are we?'

'Forest road — our cars collided,' I said, while trying not to think about the result.

As I get closer, I can see the disorientation in her eyes. She tried to hide it, with a nervous smile.

'I remember leaving Beth's house... I think I had a little too much to drink.'

'I'm heading home. My wife's expecting me back for dinner,' I said.

As she turns to look at her car, I quickly step between her and her car. 'Don't!'

Her eyes widen.

'Why?' she asks, her voice trembling.

'I'm Sam.'

'Kylie.'

'Kylie... I don't think we made it.'

Her pupils widen.

'Wh... What do you mean?' her voice higher pitched than before. 'We're… dead? We can't be. How can we…'

'Kylie. We are.'

She tries to sidestep me. I pull her into a hug. Drawing her gaze away from her car. 'No! Don't,' I say, as she struggles.

'I… we're… dead! We can't be,' she sobs on my shoulder.

'It's… because of me.'

'Shhh… It's done. Nothing can change that.' She pushes off of my chest. Tears pouring down her cheeks.

Her feet begin sinking into the ground. Slow — like quicksand.

'Oh god! No! What's happening?' she screams. Growing more hysterical the deeper she goes.

'Kylie! Hold on… I've got you.'

I try to pull her up, but nothing works. The more I hold on, the more I sink in with her. After a few tense minutes… she's gone. 'No! Goddamn it!'

'You can't help her son.'

Turning, I see an old man standing off the side of the road.

'Who are you?' He approaches and helps me to my feet.

'The name's Len. You can't help her, because she's carrying the weight of her own guilt.'

'Weight?' I say, with incredulity.

'Son… You know what we are. We pass through things. Even the ground, if gravity had something to act on.' He looks down at the spot where she'd been standing. His expression solemn.

'She'll be sinking for a while… eventually reaching the nexus.'

'Nexus?'

He turns to me. 'Everything with weight, falls to the center. A long time ago… so did I.'

'Look son, we've all made some mistakes. Some more serious than others.'

'This nexus… what's it like? What is it?' I ask.

'Many souls, all carrying their own burden and occupying the same space.' His brow furrows as he talks. 'Can you imagine it? Tens of millions of people, compressed by crushing guilt, shame, or regret.' I shake my head.

'Someday she may forgive herself. Maybe enough to be free. If she's really forgiving, she may even roam the stars. Until then she'll be caught in the gravity of her own regret.'

I look over at what's left of my truck. 'I was on my way home. What do I do now?'

'Go home, son.'

My eyes tear up. 'Ruth… Danny… they won't see me. I'll never be able to hold them.'

Len places a hand on my shoulder. 'Go home, watch over them.'

I nod at Len. Turn and start walking home.