1.shadows of past regret
Suddenly, my deep green eyes shot open, and my head jerked up as I awoke in a cold sweat, despite it being a cold December night. I pulled my jacket closer to my chest, causing my silver chain pentacle to bob. We were celebrating Yule on the ferry the 50,000 ton ULYSESS, on our way back from London. That’s when I noticed the lights were dim.
I looked around, and even through the darkness, I heard, “Master Ciaran, what ails you?” Even with my eyes closed, I saw Nox, my black wolf spirit, the size of a horse and a Bengal tiger, lying back in between realms, looking at me. It spoke in English—or was it Italian? I can understand both languages equally, so they often mix for me. But right now, I had a nightmare that I was in the fires of the City of Dis, in the tombs of heretics. That’s why I was sweating, despite the cold night air of the cruise ship to Scandinavia.
I sighed and looked at my watch: it was midnight. I turned over, closed my eyes, and said, “Ingenting, det var bara... Stavo facendo un incubo,” which meant “nothing, it was just... I was having a nightmare” in a mix of Swedish and Italian.
I sighed again and looked around my cabin, where Judas was sleeping soundly, while the girls were in the room next to us. I closed my eyes, yet the shadows of past regrets and images from the past few months kept creeping in. It wasn’t too long ago that we left Paris, where I was in the hospital for what felt like forever, but it was only a few weeks. I wasn’t in my body, though; I was... in a cage in the depths of what can only be called the hellscape—the hellverse. I was in the City of Dis, in the tombs of heretics.
My sisters brought me back, and as surprising as that is, it never fails to astonish me when Kali and Selena make jumps in their abilities. Well, they are my sisters; I’m just glad I’m not in that place anymore.
Then again, I blame myself for the troubles they went through. Kali almost dying and becoming vampiric, Selena almost losing Kali—I shouldn’t have been there. But I can’t force events to unfold the way I want them to. That’s important to remember; I can’t force the sun to set or rise, even with the power I’ve been given. Sadly, this thought follows me; it just proves that despite the power we possess as a family, and alone, we are still so very small.
Not long ago, we received an invitation to the UK, where we were thrown into a war of vampires, werewolves, and witches. I met Sherlock Holmes and the Ipswitch cult. It was a surreal experience—the levels of strain we traveled through. I mean, Sherlock was... I was in Sherlock’s office at 221B Baker Street! I had only read about him in biographies and seen him in movies; I never knew he was real. Furthermore, the stories of vampires and werewolves never crossed my mind until Selene, who coincidentally had a bond with my younger sister Selena, made a move on me in the house of Caleb, who had a connection to me.
About a year ago, the night family went jaws and claws to stay together. They succeeded first with Caleb’s death and rebirth, and then with Kali and Sarah’s kidnapping, and finally, dealing with the cops, and now, not too long ago, we dealt with the covens in England and the current year after 1956
That alone solidified my belief that those we only read about in books, comics, and movies could exist. We thought Selena, Judas, and Sarah were the only vampires, but then we heard from Kali that there were alternative bloodlines, which brought up the coven from Ipswitch—they were warlocks, not far from my race of mages that I hailed from in Rome. All these thoughts converged in my mind, and soon I was wide awake thanks to the weight of history. It was 3:00 in the morning.
I sighed and walked out of the room to the deck, which led to the sea. As I looked out into the vast ocean, listening to the wind, I leaned over the railing on my forearms. At that moment, I took out rolling paper, made a joint, and lit it. I sucked on it and blew out the smoke, which smelled like the forest, into the ocean. At that moment, I sensed the wind shift, and I turned just in time to see Sarah staring at me.
I cried out and recoiled, dropping the joint into the ocean. “Ah shit, Sarah! You came out of nowhere! Make a noise! Mi hai spiato?” I asked, which means “Have you been spying on me?” in Italian. She cocked her head to the side at the accusation, yawned, and said, “Speak English, Ciaran, you dimwit! And no, I’m not spying on you. I’m—wait a sec, what are you still doing awake?”
I regained my composure and nodded. “Well, you owe me a new joint; I dropped it in the ocean. And wait a sec— you understood me? Yeah, I just woke up. The past few weeks have been on my mind. Sono esausto,” which means “I’m exhausted.”
She blinked, scowled, and said, “I bet. Kali and I talk about it often when we’re alone. It bothers her and me that such power exists, despite what we’ve all been through—and that we nearly bit it; to put it bluntly, that ending made us look like novices.” I rolled my eyes at her pun, nodded, and looked at the ocean as we passed.
“The ocean helps, onestamente,” I said, meaning “honestly.” She nodded and asked, “Do you think where we’re going next is wise? Scandinavia?”
I nodded. “I believe so. I need to finish the story; we need to finish the story. Ever since Judas, Aimee, and the others set me on track in Rome, we couldn’t—I couldn’t be more sure that it’s time to take the fight to them. The last time I died brought a sense of determination—bestämning. We aren’t...” I looked at the ocean and said, “Isn’t it weird that we’re going towards where we came from and not where we’re headed?”
She looked over and said, “Huh, Ciaran, that didn’t even make any—wait a sec, you have a point. We seem to be heading towards Ireland, not Denmark.” Suddenly, it sank in between us:
We were on the wrong boat...
